Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

And something in the back of Harry's mind said, if that's a peregrine falcon, I'm going to strangle him in his sleep.

Shut up, Harry said to the thought, do you want us to be a Dark Wizard?

What's the point? You're going to end up as one eventually.

That... wasn't something Harry would usually have thought...

It's a placebo effect, Harry told himself again. The Dementor can't actually get to me through three corporeal Patronuses, I'm just imagining what I think it's like. When I actually face the Dementor, it'll feel completely different, and then I'll know I was just being silly before.

A slight chill went down Harry's spine then, because he had a feeling that yes, it would be completely different, and not in a positive direction.

The blazing silver phoenix sprang back into existence from the Headmaster's wand, the lesser bird vanished; and Anthony Goldstein began to walk back.

The Headmaster was coming with Anthony instead of calling out the next name, the Patronus waiting behind to guard the Dementor.

Harry glanced over to where Hermione was standing, just behind the glowing panther. Hermione's turn would have come next, but had apparently just been delayed.

She looked stressed.

Earlier, she'd politely asked Harry to please stop trying to destress her.

Dumbledore was smiling slightly as he escorted Anthony back toward the others; smiling only slightly, because the Headmaster looked very, very tired.

"Unbelievable," said Dumbledore in a voice that sounded much weaker than his accustomed boom. "A corporeal Patronus, in his first year. And an astounding number of successes among the other young students. Quirinus, I must acknowledge that you have proved your point."

Professor Quirrell inclined his head. "A simple enough guess, I should think. A Dementor attacks through fear, and children are less afraid."

"Less afraid?" said Auror Goryanof from where he was sitting.

"So I said as well," said Dumbledore. "And Professor Quirrell pointed out that adults had more courage, not less to fear; which thought, I confess, had never occurred to me before."

"That was not my precise phrasing," Professor Quirrell said dryly, "but it will do. And the rest of our agreement, Headmaster?"

"As you say," Dumbledore said reluctantly. "I admit I was not expecting to lose that wager, Quirinus, but you have proven your wisdom."

All the students were looking at them, puzzled; except Hermione, who was staring in the direction of the cage and the tall decaying robes; and Harry, who was watching everyone, since he was imagining himself feeling paranoid.

Professor Quirrell said, in tones that did not invite further comments, "I am allowed to teach the Killing Curse to students who wish to learn it. Which will render them considerably safer from Dark Wizards and other pests, and it is foolish to think they will otherwise know no deadly magics." Professor Quirrell paused, his eyes narrowing. "Headmaster, I respectfully observe that you are not looking well. I suggest leaving the remainder of the day's task to Professor Flitwick."

Dumbledore shook his head. "We are almost done for the day, Quirinus. I will last."

Hermione had approached Anthony. "Captain Goldstein," she said, and her voice trembled only a little, "can you give me any advice?"

"Don't be afraid," Anthony said firmly. "Don't think about anything it tries to make you think about. You're not just holding up the wand in front of you as a shield against the fear, you're brandishing your wand to drive the fear away, that's how you make a happy thought into something solid..." Anthony shrugged helplessly. "I mean, I heard all that before, but..."

Other students were starting to congregate around Anthony, with their own questions.

"Miss Granger?" the Headmaster said. His voice might have been gentle, or just weakened.

Hermione straightened her shoulders, and followed him.

"What did you see under the cloak?" Harry said to Anthony.

Anthony looked at Harry, surprised, and then answered, "A very tall man who was dead, I mean, sort of dead- shaped and dead-colored... it hurt to see him and I knew that was the Dementor trying to get at me."

Harry looked back out at where Hermione was confronting the cage and the cloak.

Hermione raised her wand into position for the first gestures.

The Headmaster's phoenix winked out of existence.

And Hermione gave a tiny, pathetic shriek, flinched -

- took a step back, Harry could see her wand moving, and then she brandished it and said "Expecto Patronum!"

Nothing happened.

Hermione turned and ran.

"Expecto Patronum!" said the Headmaster's deeper voice, and the silver phoenix