'Yes,' she said. 'I am afraid of them.'
I wished that I was such a man.
'You are then,' I said, 'trying to make me fear my sexual feelings that I will suppress them, and with them my manhood.'
'It is the best way we know,' she said, 'to reduce a male's effectiveness in all socially competitive situations. He is then crippled, of course, not only sexually, but, often, in many other ways, too. When his sexuality does not give him spine he becomes timid and manipulable. He is then useful to ambitious women who, at another time, might scarcely have dared to speak to him.'
'What is the true point of depriving men of their sexuality?' I asked.
'Is it not obvious?' she asked. 'It is to make them slaves.'
'Can biology be so perfectly eradicated?' I asked.
'Not with mere conditioning techniques,' she said, 'There is more to be hoped for, eventually, on your world, with punishing implants, chemical alterations, the castration of unsuitable male infants, hormone injections, sex control, genetic engineering, and such. It should not be difficult, with power in the hands of women, presumably an inevitable eventuality in your type of democracy, to bring about the success of these programs.'
'Why, then,' I asked, 'do you not wish to go to Earth and take up your abode there?'
'I am not insane,' she said.
'Do you not, truly, wish for the success of such hideous programs?' I asked.
'No,' she said, 'for, for all practical purposes, it would be the end of the human race.'
'You look then,' I asked, 'beyond your own selfish interests?'
'I cannot help myself,' she said. 'There is in me left a little bit of the human being.'
'I do not think Earth will succumb to such a nightmare as you have outlined,' I said.
'It is already on its way to doing so,' she said. 'Can you not see the signs?'
'Men, and women, will prevent it,' I said.
'Earthings,' she said, 'are manipulated organisms, helpless in the flow of social forces, slobbering to slogans and rhetoric. They will be the first to celebrate their own downfall. They will not discover what has been done to them until it is too late.'
'I hope that you are wrong,' I said.
She shrugged. 'Perhaps I am wrong,' she said. 'Let us hope so.'
'More likely than your scenario for the future,' I said, 'would be times of great conflict and tumult, the precipitation of horrifying and vast wars.'
'Perhaps,' she said. 'I suppose there will always be recalcitrant brutes who will not willingly surrender their manhood.'
'Does the future not portend barbarism?' I inquired.
'Barbarism or the lawn party,' she smiled. 'You may have your choice.'
'Any rational person must surely choose the lawn party,' I said.
'Is that true?' she asked.
'I do not know,' I said.
'I would choose barbarism,' she said. 'Lawn parties are boring.'
'Your sex,' I said, 'might not fare well under barbarism.'
'We might fare better than you think,' she said.
'But you might then be little better than slaves,' I said, 'if you were not fully slaves.'
'That might suit us quite well,' she said.
I was silent.
Then she looked at me, angrily. 'How foolishly I have spoken to you,' she said, 'a mere slave!'
She then turned to the two girls. They had understood nothing of what we had been saying, of course, for they did not speak English.
'Why, Mistress,' I asked, 'have you spoken to me as you have? Surely your techniques would be more effective if I were imperfectly aware of them? It is as though you were warning me of your intentions.'
She did not look at me, but she spoke to me. 'On Gor,' she said, 'we would not even break our male slaves as the men of Earth are broken.'
She then spoke to the two girls and they conducted me swiftly from the presence of the mistress, Lola pulling me, stumbling on the chain, and Tela, behind, prodding me with her quirt.
My lessons in Gorean were soon to begin.
I tried not to look at the beauty of the girl who led me. I knew that if I looked upon either of them as a man I would be punished. I must not permit myself to have sexual feelings. I must control myself ruthlessly. I must keep fully in mind that I was a slave.
Then it occurred to me that it would not be right for me to look upon their beauty. They could not help that they were slaves, no more than I could help it. They were, despite their beauty and rags, the brand and steel collar, true persons, like myself. I must respect them. I must not look upon them as beautiful women are biologically looked upon by strong, aggressive males. I must look upon them as persons. This was not, then, weakness on my part, but evidence of my respect for them, my nobility, my understanding, my sweetness and tenderness. That I suppressed my feelings toward them, thus, was not now evidence of my cowardice but rather of my strength and courage. I was now strong enough and courageous enough to control and conquer myself. How wonderful I was, really. I was not to be despised. No, rather I was to be congratulated and commended. Perhaps Goreans might not understand the sacrifice I had made, and how noble I was, but I was certain these things, my sacrifice, and my nobility, would have been well understood, and appreciated, by a woman of my own world.
Content then I went with the two women who were to me now, in the time of my lessons, as mistresses.
Never must I permit Goreans to rob me of my true self. I knew what was my true self, for I had been taught what it was on Earth. Years of careful conditioning and training, and a pervasive social and cultural milieu, had taught me what my true self was.
I did not think it would interfere with my slavery.
5 I AM TAUGHT TO POUR WINE; I AM PUNISHED; I HEAR OF THE MARKET OF TIMA
'Pour, Jason,' said the Lady Gina.
'Yes, Mistress,' I said. I left the line of kneeling male slaves and approached the table, carrying the vessel of wine Tela had given me. Behind the table, kneeling with her knees together, as a free woman, was Lola. She had a bit of white rep-cloth thrown about her shoulders, serving to represent the robes and veil of a free woman. Near the table, in her leather, with her whip, was the Lady Gina.
I approached the table deferentially. I knelt before Lola.
'Wine, Mistress?' I asked.
'Yes, Slave,' she said.
'You look nice this evening, Jason,' said the Lady Gina.
'Thank you, Mistress,' I said.
I now wore a short, silk tunic, white, trimmed with red. My hair, longer now, though I had worn it long before, was combed back and tied behind my head with a white ribbon. I had been in the pens, I estimated, some five or six weeks. The heavy iron collar I had worn was now replaced with a lighter collar, enameled white. It had writing on it, in yellow, but incised, too, into the steel. I could not read the writing, for I was illiterate. I had been told the writing read `Return me for punishment to the House of Andronicus'. I did not think I would care to be caught wearing it outside the pens. I did not know the location of the House of Andronicus. I had once been beaten for asking. I had been told that curiosity was not becoming in a slave. This collar, too, though much lighter than the former collar, had, too, a ring upon it, for the snap of a leash.
