'I am paid to guard you,' he said, 'not to consider any personal feelings, one way or another, which I might have towards you.'
'One way or another?' I asked, angrily.
'Yes,' he said.
'You despise and hate me!' I said.
'I could find it easy to despise you,' he said, 'and, at one time, from all that I had heard of the Tatrix of Corcyrus, and know of her governance of the city, I would have thought it would also be easy to hate you, but now, now that I have met you, I could not honestly say that I hate you.'
'How flatteringl' I remarked.
'Your official self and your personal self, or your public and private selves, seem quite different,' he said.
'Perhaps,' I said, irritably.
'It is doubtless that way with many people,' he said.
'Doubtless,' I said.
He looked from one side to the other, along the walk behind the parapet. For most practical purposes we were alone on the wall. The nearest people, a couple, were better than a hundred yards away, to our left. He looked again then to the tarns. Then he looked at me. Then, angrily, he looked out, over the parapet. His fists were clenched.
I, too, looked out, over the parapet. I could feel tears in my eyes. I wanted to please Drusus Rencius. I wanted, desperately, for- him to like me. Yet everything I did or said seemed to be wrong. Then I was very angry with myself. It did not matter. I was not a slave at his feet, half naked in a collar, fearful of his whip, piteously suing for the least sign of his favor. I was a Tatrix. He was only a guard, nothing! I wondered, shuddering, what it would be to be the slave of such a man. I did not think he would be weak with me. I thought that he would, like any typical Gorean master, keep me under perfect discipline.
'I enjoyed the czehar concert,' I said, lightly.
'Good,' he said.
The czehar is a long, low, rectangular instrument. It is played, held across the lap. It has eight strings, plucked with a horn pick. It had been played by Lysander of Aspericbe.
The concert had taken place two nights ago in the small theater of Kleitos, off the square of Perimines.
'The ostraka were quite expensive, weren't they?' I asked.
'Yes,' he said.
It was quite commonly the case, I had learned, that for a concert by Lysander one could not buy admission at the gate, but must present ostraka purchased earlier in one of the market places or squares. These were apparently originally shells or pieces, shards, of pottery, but now were generally small clay disks, with a hole for a string near one edge. These were fired in a kiln, and glazed on one side. The glazing's colorations and patterns are difficult to duplicate and serve in their way as an authentication for the disk, the glazings differing for different performances or events. The unglazed back of the disk bears the date of the event or performance and a sign indicating the identity of the original vendor, the agent authorized to sell them to the public. Some of these disks, also, on the back, include a seat location. Most seating, however, in Gorean theaters, except for certain privileged sections, usually reserved for high officials or the extremely wealthy, is on a first-come-first-served basis. These ostraka, on their strings, about the necks of their owners, make attractive pendants. Some are worn even long after the performance or event in question, perhaps to let people know that one was fortunate enough to have been the witness of a particular event or performance, or perhaps merely because of their intrinsic aesthetic value. Some people keep them as souvenirs.
Others collect them, and buy and sell them, and trade them.
If the event or performance is an important one, and the ostraka are limited, their number being governed by the seating capacity of the structure or area in question, it is unlikely that they will be publicly displayed until after the event or performance. It is too easy to snatch them from about the neck in the market place. Too, sometimes rich men have been known to set ruffians on people to obtain them.
Needless to say some profiteering occasionally takes place in connection with the ostraka, a fellow buying a few for a given price and then trying to sell them for higher prices later outside, say, the stadium or theater.
'How much did they cost?' I asked.
'Together,' he said, 'a silver tarsk.'
'That is more, I recall,' I said, 'than you thought I might go for if I were sold for myself alone, as a slave.'
'Yes,' he said.
I stiffened, somewhat angrily.
'Lady Sheila must remember that she is not trained in the intimate and delicious arts of the female slave.'
'Arts?' I inquired.
'Yes,' said he, 'the complex, subtle and sensuous arts of being pleasing, fully, to a man.'
'I see,' I said.
'It is natural,' be said, 'that some women will bring much higher prices than others.
'Of course,' I said, irritably.
'Some women,' he said, 'do not even know the floor movements of an aroused, pleading slave.'
'They must indeed be stupid,' I said. I had no idea, of course, what they might be.
'I do not think they are necessarily stupid,' he said, 'merely ignorant, perhaps because untrained, or perhaps merely because they have not yet been awakened sexually, have not yet been forced to feel the slave fires in their belly, have not yet, by strong men, been made the helpless victims of their own now-enkindled needs 'I thought Lysander played well,' I said.
'He is regarded as one of the finest czehar players on all Gor,' said Drusus Rencius, dryly.
'Oh,' I said. I felt so stupid. It seemed I could do nothing right with Drusus Rencius.
I looked out, again, over the fields.
'Is Lady Sheila all right?' inquired Drusus Rencius.
'Yes,' I said.
The last few days had been full - ones. Aside from the markets and bazaars, and the theaters in the evening, I had seen much else of Corcyrus as well. It had been pleasant to walk through the cool halls of the libraries, with their thousands of scrolls organized and cataloged, and through the galleries on the avenue of lphicrates. The fountains in the squares, too, were impressive. It was almost hard for me to remember that they were not merely ornaments to the city but that they also, in the Gorean manner, served a very utilitarian purpose. To them most people must come, bearing vessels, for their water. Some of the smaller fountains were worn down on the right side of their rim. That was where right-handed people would rest their hand, leaning over to drink. I particularly enjoyed the public gardens. Given the plantings flowers in them, of one sort or another, are in bloom almost all of the year. Here, too, are many winding and almost secluded paths. In them, combined, one finds color, beauty and, in many sections, if one wishes it, privacy.
I knew few of the flowers and trees. Drusus Rencius, to my surprise, whenever I was in doubt, could supply me with the name. Goreans, it seemed, paid attention to their environment. It means something to them. They live in it. How few children of Earth, I thought, are taught the names and kinds of the trees and shrubs, the plants, the insects and birds, which surround them constantly. I was also surprised to find that Drusus Rencius seemed genuinely fond of flowers. I would not have expected, given my Earth background, that a man of his obvious power and competence could care for anything, and so deeply, as innocent, delicate and soft as a flower. At one secluded point in one of the gardens I bad paused and, pretending to adjust my veil, had stood quite close to Drusus Rencius, but he bad stepped back, and looked away. tic had not kissed me. I had then, angrily, refastened my veil. I wondered why he had not kissed me. Was it because I was a Tatrix? I wondered what it would be like to be kissed by him. I wondered if he might, touching my lips, I in his arms, helplessly held there, suddenly rape my lips with his kiss, and then, unable to help himself, hurl me to his feet, crouching over me then ferociously, to remove my robes and force me to his service.
I felt the wind, over the parapet, move my veil.
I bad enjoyed these days with Drusus Rencius but, at night, returned to my quarters, I would often be
