Jeff Peters as a Personal Magnet

''I'm one of the Sole Sanhedrims and Ostensible Hooplas of the Inner Pulpit, says I. 'The lame talk and the blind rubber whenever I make a pass at 'em. I am a medium, a coloratura hypnotist and a spirituous control. It was only through me at the recent seances at Ann Arbor that the late president of the Vinegar Bitters Company could revisit the earth to communicate with his sister Jane. You see me peddling medicine on the street, says I, 'to the poor. I don't practice personal magnetism on them. I do not drag it in the dust, says I, 'because they haven't got the dust.

''Will you treat my case? asks the Mayor.

''Listen, says I. 'I've had a good deal of trouble with medical societies everywhere I've been. I don't practice medicine. But, to save your life, I'll give you the psychic treatment if you'll agree as mayor not to push the license question.

''Of course I will, says he. 'And now get to work, doc, for them pains are coming on again.

''My fee will be $250.00, cure guaranteed in two treatments, says I.

''All right, says the Mayor. 'I'll pay it. I guess my life's worth that much.

'I sat down by the bed and looked him straight in the eye.

''Now, says I, 'get your mind off the disease. You ain't sick. You haven't got a heart or a clavicle or a funny bone or brains or anything. You haven't got any pain. Declare error. Now you feel the pain that you didn't have leaving, don't you?

''I do feel some little better, doc, says the Mayor, 'darned if I don't. Now state a few lies about my not having this swelling in my left side, and I think I could be propped up and have some sausage and buckwheat cakes.

'I made a few passes with my hands.

''Now, says I, 'the inflammation's gone. The right lobe of the perihelion has subsided. You're getting sleepy. You can't hold your eyes open any longer. For the present the disease is checked. Now, you are asleep.

'The Mayor shut his eyes slowly and began to snore.

''You observe, Mr. Tiddle, says I, 'the wonders of modern science.

''Biddle, says he, 'When will you give uncle the rest of the treatment, Dr. Pooh-pooh?

''Waugh-hoo, says I. 'I'll come back at eleven to-morrow. When he wakes up give him eight drops of turpentine and three pounds of steak. Good morning.

'The next morning I was back on time. 'Well, Mr. Riddle, says I, when he opened the bedroom door, 'and how is uncle this morning?

''He seems much better, says the young man.

'The mayor's color and pulse was fine. I gave him another treatment, and he said the last of the pain left him.

''Now, says I, 'you'd better stay in bed for a day or two, and you'll be all right. It's a good thing I happened to be in Fisher Hill, Mr. Mayor, says I, 'for all the remedies in the cornucopia that the regular schools of medicine use couldn't have saved you. And now that error has flew and pain proved a perjurer, let's allude to a cheerfuller subject—say the fee of $250. No checks, please, I hate to write my name on the back of a check almost as bad as I do on the front.

''I've got the cash here, says the mayor, pulling a pocket book from under his pillow.

'He counts out five fifty-dollar notes and holds 'em in his hand.

''Bring the receipt, he says to Biddle.

'I signed the receipt and the mayor handed me the money. I put it in my inside pocket careful.

''Now do your duty, officer, says the mayor, grinning much unlike a sick man.

'Mr. Biddle lays his hand on my arm.

''You're under arrest, Dr. Waugh-hoo, alias Peters, says he, 'for practising medicine without authority under the State law.

''Who are you? I asks.

''I'll tell you who he is, says Mr. Mayor, sitting up in bed. 'He's a detective employed by the State Medical Society. He's been following you over five counties. He came to me yesterday and we fixed up this scheme to catch you. I guess you won't do any more doctoring around these parts, Mr. Fakir. What was it you said I had, doc? the mayor laughs, 'compound—well, it wasn't softening of the brain, I guess, anyway.

''A detective, says I.

''Correct, says Biddle. 'I'll have to turn you over to the sheriff.

''Let's see you do it, says I, and I grabs Biddle by the throat and half throws him out the window, but he pulls a gun and sticks it under my chin, and I stand still. Then he puts handcuffs on me, and takes the money out of my pocket.

''I witness, says he, 'that they're the same bank bills that you and I marked, Judge Banks. I'll turn them over to the sheriff when we get to his office, and he'll send you a receipt. They'll have to be used as evidence in the case.

''All right, Mr. Biddle, says the mayor. 'And now, Doc Waugh-hoo, he goes on, 'why don't you demonstrate? Can't you pull the cork out of your magnetism with your teeth and hocus-pocus them handcuffs off?

''Come on, officer, says I, dignified. 'I may as well make the best of it. And then I turns to old Banks and rattles my chains.

''Mr. Mayor, says I, 'the time will come soon when you'll believe that personal magnetism is a success. And you'll be sure that it succeeded in this case, too.

'And I guess it did.

'When we got nearly to the gate, I says: 'We might meet somebody now, Andy. I reckon you better take 'em off, and— Hey? Why, of course it was Andy Tucker. That was his scheme; and that's how we got the capital to go into business together.'