After talking about water sports, as usual, they started talking about women - these lovely natural creatures that bring us, men, as much joy as misfortune. Once again, having complained about the insidiousness and inconstancy of Olga Istomina, with whom Oleg was also familiar, like me, since the summer of 1985, Boxes told me an almost anecdotal story of his unsuccessful acquaintance with the adorable girl Marina. And it was so.
At the end of August 1983 Oleg's mother Elena Y. Naumovna decided to introduce him to the girl Marina from a good Jewish family of the well-known Siberian scientist - nuclear scientist, who lives in Akademgorodok near Novosibirsk. The girl immediately liked our "happy" groom, and the next "weekend" young people, in honor of the upcoming engagement, decided to have a picnic on one of the picturesque islands of the Ob Sea. The picnic was timed to coincide with the opening of the autumn hunting season and was to be held in the style of the "Siberian safari". To this end, Oleg prudently took with him an inflatable boat and an old 12-caliber tozovka gun belonging to his still heroic Jewish grandfather - a front-line soldier. Marina, however, assumed the quartermaster role, ensuring this promising erotic expedition with all the necessary provisions. And so that the picture of "jolly sexual hunting" was logically completed, Oleja took with him his beloved Airedale Terrier Beliash. As it turned out later, this he made a fatal mistake!
"You see, Serega, when Marina laid out the sausage, cucumbers and milk on the grass - my heart jumped," said Box with a nervous laugh. - There was a spontaneous feeling that I was doing something wrong, consuming all this still life. But then we started talking and under the conversation "crushed" cucumbers with milk. When the boat was inflated, I already felt "Puccini" in my stomach. They sat, swam and somewhere halfway to the island, I felt that I was just going to die, and here in the boat, if I did not let the air out of my stomach. The "congenial" solution to the problem ripened in my head almost instantly. Seeing a low flying duck over me, I threw up my gun, loudly shouting to Marina: "Duck down!" And fired, simultaneously with the shot "booming like a horse, having made obscenity." However, to my horror, the old gun of my grandfather misfired, and my uterine sound rumbled through the whole Ob reservoir in a thunderous sound. Marina turned out to be a girl who was extremely educated and only said quietly: "It's okay: everything that is natural is not at all ugly!" Eh, I also at first thought that nothing terrible had happened until I realized that here, in this damn boat , Not only loudly farted, but also crapped with liquid diarrhea! Now the task was to quickly get to the island and wash, so much so that Marina did not notice it. Approaching the shore, I told Marina that she was going to choose a parking lot, and while I was dragging ashore and unloading our rubber boat. As soon as Marina left, I quickly threw off the soiled panties, disgustedly threw them into the willow bushes and thoroughly washed. I returned to Marina already clean, deeply pleased with myself and my incredible resourcefulness. In the eyes of the girl, I realized that an unpleasant incident on the water, fortunately for me, has already begun to forget. We lit a fire, opened a red semi-dry wine (by the way, the same as we have now) and have already prepared for pleasant erotic games, as at the same time fucking Belyash brought to me from the bushes my crocked cowards! "Here we both laughed loudly , In colors and faces, presenting this, in fact, quite unhappy situation. "You would only see Marina's eyes, those girlish eyes that were rounded with horror and disgust, when this horrible, simply disgusting sight of my cowards appeared in front of her bewildered gaze!" Oleja exclaimed nervously with a homeric laugh, recalling with dismay the extremely unpleasant incident he had endured . It is clear that soon the girl hastily zasobiralsya home, while not even caring about the plausible pretext, and the romantic acquaintance at the stake at them on this ingloriously ended. As they say, "love has passed, wilted tomatoes!"
Of course, if this unpleasant story occurred in the midst of the novel, at the peak of sexual relations, when people are already getting close enough, it's not so bad. But when romantic relations between young people are just beginning, as Stendhal wrote in his famous Treatise on Love, while in the stage of the so-called "crystallization of feeling," here even the most insignificant trifle in the appearance of a partner can turn out to be fatal and put an end to what has not begun Love relations. Reflecting on all these vicissitudes of fate, I quietly fell asleep in my favorite sleeping bag near a dying fire, faintly flickering in the summer night with its reddish sparkling coals.
The next morning I woke up, sweating, when, judging by the sun, standing at the zenith, it was already about 12 o'clock in the afternoon. Nearby I slept, sweetly snoring in my sleeping bag, Oleg Korobkov. In front of me I saw an absolutely fantastic sight of the Alpine meadows of the Altai Mountains. Until now, this unforgettable mountain landscape stands before my eyes.
We lay (it seemed, together in the whole Universe) on this huge emerald glade, flooded with a dazzling mountain - Altai sun. Everything around was fragrant with smells of mint, fragrant forget-me-nots and bright yellow bathing suits (for good
