seen to flow, wretches raising their hands in surrender or supplication. Temples were fired, houses tumbled, and rivers flowed across a land given over to devastation, burning wherever you looked.
It was, I suppose even now, superb; and the message was clear. This was the full terror of war from which Vespasian and Titus had rescued Rome and Italy.
Conspicuous above all else were the spoils of the temple of Jerusalem: golden vessels, golden tables, golden candelabra, and tablets inscribed with the laws of the defeated and despised Jews. Images of victory in gold and ivory were displayed, as the triumphal procession wound its way to the not yet restored Temple of Capitoline Jupiter. Vespasian, I was amused to note, wriggled with boredom. 'What an old fool I was,' he muttered, 'to demand a triumph.'
But Titus delighted in every moment of the day. Domitian looked sour and sulky.
We waited before the temple till a messenger came, as was customary, from the Mamertine prison, to announce that the enemy general had been executed.
This was a lie. No enemy general had been taken. But the people, being ignorant of this, were content.
For the eight years of Vespasian's reign I was seldom in Rome. I pursued a military career on distant frontiers, mostly in Anatolia where rebellion was endemic. I was wounded three times, decorated for bravery, and in action stifled thought. I had not yet learned to distrust Titus' nobly-spoken dream of Empire. I believed that strenuous service in warfare, and my work in securing just administration of the conquered provinces could allow me to forget the stench of corruption in Rome itself. I did not realise that I was already infected with its germ.
My correspondence with Domatilla withered. How could it be otherwise? Then she was married. Her husband was a man who had been an associate of Nero. Now he paid court to Caenis, Vespasian's low-born mistress. She promoted the match, hoping that by doing so she could secure her position of power and influence for the future, when Vespasian was no more. Vespasian could deny her nothing; he consented to the marriage, and Domatilla had no choice but to obey. As for me, there was no shortage of women in Anatolia, Circassian slave-girls who delighted the senses and made no demands on my heart.
Vespasian died, hauled upright, because, as he said, 'An Emperor should die on his feet.' He was the first Emperor since the Divine Augustus to die a natural death; all the others were either murdered or, in Nero and Otho's case, committed suicide. Titus inherited, the first true-born son of an Emperor to do so. He abandoned the pretence, which Vespasian had honoured, of being merely, as Augustus had styled himself, the 'Princeps' or 'First Citizen'. My boyhood lover was happy to be addressed as 'God and Lord'. If Galba's accession had proved that an Emperor could be made elsewhere than in Rome, now Titus tore the facade of Republican respectability to shreds. Some were afraid; they said he would prove a second Nero, on account of his addiction to pleasure.
But, unlike Nero, Titus revelled in the business of Empire. Administration delighted him. He had an eye to his own security, himself retained command of the Praetorians, flattered them, rewarded them lavishly. He enforced obedience and good conduct in the State. Detachments of the Guard habitually arrested any suspected of disloyalty or disaffection. Such arrests were often made in public places, like the theatre; this was an effective means of instilling fear and respect for the imperial power. Executions were summary, without the formality of trial.
Titus brought me home, appointed me his deputy commander of the Guard. So he joined me with him in illegality. Yet at the same time we won the favour of the people by proceeding against the unpopular public informers, always ready, for payment, to bring accusations against their fellow-citizens. I took pleasure in ordering several to be whipped and deported from Rome. In this way, combining severity with what I privately regarded as the politics of gesture, Titus won for himself a popularity denied any Emperor since Augustus.
So Titus charmed the people while suppressing sedition in the State. For a little it seemed as if the sun had broken through the dark clouds that had shrouded Rome.
And the sun shone again in my own life also. I found Domatilla unhappy in her marriage, saddled with a husband for whom she felt neither affection nor respect. She was in the full flower of her beauty, but it was her new sad look that revived my old passion, and it was her misery which allowed me to persuade her to my bed. I knew, while Titus lived, what is surely the supreme joy granted a man: to be one with a woman who truly loves you. Now there is only the memory of her caresses to lighten the perpetual night of old age and exile. Then, in her arms, I felt for the only time in my life complete. I was able to forget the guilt of my association with that Empire which has destroyed liberty.
But, inevitably, as it seems, I served that Empire. I could see no alternative. I have argued this question, often, with Tacitus, who, even when Domitian made him a Praetor and Senator, dreamed of the Republic. He would not believe, or accept, what was to me evident: that the conditions which made the Republic possible no longer existed. They had indeed been long gone. The Republic, I insisted, had been destroyed, not by loss of virtue, as he supposed, though that might be the consequence of its destruction, but by the very success of the Republican armies in extending Rome's sway over distant lands and peoples.
Caesar was a product of the Republic, and his career was proof that it was dead. He had no need to murder it. You cannot kill a corpse. And when the self-styled Liberators made a corpse of Caesar himself, they could not breathe new life into their beloved Republic. Mark Antony knew this. Augustus saw it still more clearly. Tiberius, reluctantly, accepted the reality of Empire. It was clear to me that the horror of the year when Nero's heirs struggled for supremacy proved only this: that a strong Emperor, able to command the loyalty and obedience of the legions, was necessary. Vespasian proved such an Emperor. So, briefly, did Titus. Why should I condemn myself for acceding to the dictates of my reason and serving him?
Yet I am haunted by my casual remark to Balthus: we make a desert and call it peace. The desert is not physical, for Rome and the Empire prosper. It is moral. Balthus would have me believe it is what he calls 'spiritual'; but that has no meaning for me. Yet there may be something in what the boy says. I see, from a distance now, my fellow Romans seek significance in the service of the mystery cults of the East. Many of my soldiers devoted themselves to the worship of Mithras, God of Light and, they averred, Guardian of the Legions. I looked on with superior disdain. And I am left with nothing.
Titus died, suddenly. Officially he died of a fever, caught while on a journey to Sulmona, birthplace of the poet Ovid in whose Art of Love he had always delighted. He had been Emperor for only two years, not long enough to outlast his popularity.
In fact, Domitian murdered him. I have never doubted that, though ignorant of how the poison was administered.
Domitian had conspired against him since their father's death -previously also, I believe. Yet Titus always forgave him, and assured him of the love he felt for him as his brother and designated successor. Privately, he remarked to me, dismissing Domitian's latest clumsy plotting with associates of no account, 'Nobody will ever murder me to enable little Dom to wear the purple.' I warned him of Domitian's persistence. He paid no heed.
In truth, Domitian had nothing to resent but his consciousness of his own inferiority to his brother. This persisted even after Titus' death. He was furious when people talked admiringly of Titus, and when the Senators spoke of the late Emperor with even more enthusiasm than when he was alive.
A few days after his accession Domitian summoned me to the palace. I found him alone, paring his nails with a knife. He emphasised the change in our circumstances by declining to rise to greet me. We had been accustomed to embrace; I felt cold distance between us now. Even as Emperor, Titus had never failed to offer me his cheek when we met in private. Domitian sat at an angle to the window which gave on the valley of the Forum between the Palatine and the Capitol.
'I have a vision for Rome,' he said. 'There must be moral renewal. The court must set an example.'
Every Emperor, except Nero and Gaius Caligula, has, I suppose, commenced his reign with some such intention. Titus had even given up his troupe of dancing-boys; some of them had sufficient talent, charm and beauty to make a fortune on the public stage.
'I have ordered my brother's catamites to be rounded up and deported,' Domitian said, as if reading my mind. 'It would be absurd to think of restoring the Republic,' he said, 'but I shall re-establish Republican standards of virtue. I am told that some of the Vestal Virgins have broken their vows of chastity. So I have instituted an inquiry, and the guilty will be executed.'
He examined his nails, and apparently dissatisfied, nibbled at the middle finger of his right hand.
