the character. I know you've done it for the best of reasons, because you love him and also perhaps because you feel that in some way, by moulding my life, you have deprived him of a father. Then of course you've no son of your own, though I do think you should accept that and regard Tiberius and Drusus as your sons. What worries me though is that marriage to Julia might go to his dizzy if beautiful head.
And again, what about my son-in-law Agrippa? (Oh it's ridiculous to have a son-in-law older than myself.) But what will he have to say about this marriage? Won't he see it as being in some way a threat to his position as your right-hand man? I know I'm lost in these matters but I can't help thinking this way. Aren't you perhaps getting into the way of thinking you can manipulate people's lives? Simply to suit your own purposes?
I hope you are looking after your health. You know how fragile it is. I am well except for a few aches. Give my love to the boys. Don't let Marcellus tease Tiberius as he is inclined to do. You are always likely to be on Marcellus' side because you love him and don't love Tiberius. All the more reason to incline to Tiberius, and try, try not to spoil Marcellus. See that he sometimes has to do things he doesn't want to do. It is good for him. Even Octavia, I thought then, doesn't understand me. Letter from Livia: I don't think I can stand any more. I suggest you divorce me. If women were allowed to initiate divorce I should do so. How would you like that? Not at all, I should say. But only such an action might penetrate your conceit.
Every time we get back on terms you assume that from that moment everything is forgiven and you can do precisely as you please again. Well, this time you have gone too far. Just because I let you make love to me again doesn't mean I have revised my opinion. Not a bit. Understand that.
What you propose is ridiculous and insulting. And you do it without consulting me. You don't even have Julia's interest at heart, or you would realize that Marcellus would be the worst possible husband for her. They are a pair of silly, pretty and irresponsible children, each eaten up – if you want my opinion, which you probably don't but are going to get – with self-love. What sort of a marriage would that make? Disastrous.
But that's not all. They are not – we are none of us -private persons. One would think that in your position you would realize this. Seemingly not. I have known it from birth of course, and naturally you haven't, but still I would have thought you might have learned it. But then you often seem to me to be two people. On the one hand, we have the statesman, and, I admit, you make a good show in that role, especially when you are prepared to listen to good advice. I am still proud of what you have done for Rome. But now you are ready to tear it up, merely to please an empty-headed boy you dote on (I say empty-headed because I've never seen sign of the intelligence you claim for him – a quick wit and pleasant, if rather silly, fancy, yes, but no depth or penetration of intellect) and a spoiled chit of a girl. Don't you understand that any marriage in the family has an inescapable political significance? I suppose you don't. You couldn't, surely, be so besotted as to see Marcellus as princeps? Besides, what do you think Agrippa would have to say to that? Not to mention my Claudian cousins and all the ex-consulars who are only waiting for you to slip to proclaim their great cause of 'Liberty' again. You know my feelings about Agrippa, he's an ill-made, unmannerly parvenu, but at least he's capable. He's a soldier and he's a man, not a silly boy.
You really make me sick. As I say, divorce me if you like. I would rather be divorced than stomach this.
You don't even have Julia's interests at heart, however you fawn and slobber over her. If you did, you would see that she needs a strong husband who can control her and see that she behaves herself, not that peacocking boy. Tiberius might manage her, but I wouldn't wish her on any son of mine.
I suppose you've already written to Octavia about this, and I suppose she's over the moon. Well, she'll learn differently. I won't have it. I swear it. It is a pity that my original letter and my replies have disappeared. (They were burned in a fire in my tent, I seem to recall.) I wonder if it was the proposal itself, or more my manner of broaching it which aroused such anger. And what could I have said in my reply to Livia to produce such an answer as this? So: you refuse to divorce me. Typical.
You pay no heed to my advice. You don't even bother to consult me in advance, just write saying what is your intention.
You really have a very odd idea of marriage. Let me tell you, patiently and calmly, how I understand that institution. Since you choose to disregard my wish for a divorce, you would do well to listen. Otherwise I shall in some way contrive to leave you, bring this comedy to an end.
We are Romans, not slimy and loathsome Orientals. A wife and mother has always had an important, respected and recognized influence in the family. Legally, the husband is sovereign, and I cannot compel you to follow my advice. Nevertheless it has been our tradition that the wife has great influence in family affairs. Marriage is a partnership between equals, and, though I am of course better-born than you, I have never claimed to be more than your equal. Understand that. I ask for nothing extraordinary, merely what is my due: that you should seek my advice, ponder it well, and when it is good (as I am bold to say you will usually find it) be not too proud to act upon it. That is how I behave towards you.
I would never act in any important matter without laying it first before you. I have never lied to you or tried to deceive you. And this is how it should be between man and wife. But it is not, I have sadly come to realize, your way. You prefer to keep things close and secret, to fold them to your breast while your plans mature, and then spring them on me as if they were beyond the point of argument or discussion. You are always asking me to accept your proposals as if they were already accomplished facts. Well, your secretiveness and love of deceit disgust me. They pain me too. It is like a thorn-bush growing round my heart or like the poisonous ivy which attaches itself to stone-work and insidiously destroys it. I cannot live without openness and candour, but you seem capable of neither. You talk of loving me, oh very easily, but since you don't trust me, I cannot value the love you profess. Indeed, the more your conduct contradicts your words, the more I dislike and despise you.
There: do you understand what I am saying? I tell you, you make a mockery of marriage.
Now, let me return specifically to this absurd and dangerous marriage you propose. I have told you, you are besotted with Marcellus, and greatly overvalue him. You will find no one who does not agree with me. I know you think I am jealous of the boy, but that is your own guilt trying to excuse yourself. I judge him fairly, as most of those who know him judge also. You are infatuated, and your judgement, which is sound and acute when your emotions are not involved, blinds you to his lightness of character and waywardness of judgement. Moreover, you flatter him the whole time, and in doing so do liim no service. I'll go further. Because you love him as a youth, you are making it even more difficult for riim to become a man. There: do you understand that?
Second, your infatuation is making a fool of you. There are all sorts of ugly rumours about your relationship with Marcellus, just as there were about you and Julius Caesar. This time of course your role is reversed, but nobody thinks better of you for being the seducer (as you are thought to be) rather than the seduced. Very few people in these degenerate days think ill of a man for having Greek morals and loving boys, but nobody thinks well of such a man either. You protest that your love for Marcellus is pure. I don't know; I have no reason to believe you, but it may be. Only, it doesn't look like it, and very few people, if any, believe that it is. I am told that stories about your infatuation are staple dinner-party jokes. Can't you see that you are making yourself absurd? Can't you see that, no matter what the truth of the relationship is, it has been too close, and exclusive, to be good for you, for Marcellus, or for your reputation? It is no good saying that, by arranging for the boy to marry your daughter, you will silence the slander. You will only in fact encourage it to break forth more vilely. There: do you understand that?
Third, by the favouritism you show Marcellus, to put it no worse, you are unjust to Tiberius, and by extension to Drusus too. When you married me, you assumed responsibility for my sons, though you have never adopted them, as you might have done. You are not only unjust to Tiberius in this particular, in that you show your preference so obviously for your nephew over your stepson, but you are generally unjust to him, in that you consistently undervalue riim. I am ready to admit that Marcellus has a charm which Tiberius lacks. A man with your experience of the world shouldn't however submit to charm as you do. If you look closely at Marcellus and Tiberius, you will see that my son has all the virtues which really matter in the world and which are absent in your pretty nephew. These virtues are: intelligence, fortitude, industriousness, truthfulness, regularity of conduct, balance and clear-sightedness. Marcellus exaggerates, Tiberius does not. Marcellus gives up when things become difficult; Tiberius perseveres; Marcellus is rash, Tiberius cautious; Marcellus is self-centred, Tiberius has a sense of duty which encourages him to put self aside. How can I not believe you are blinded by love when I see you ignore the true character of the boys and value what is meretricious rather than what is solid?
I have one thing to confess. I have done Octavia an injustice. I thought she had connived at what you propose and was certain she would approve it. She doesn't. When she came to see me yesterday, I was at first angry and ready to deploy arguments against the marriage. Imagine my surprise when she said straight out that she hoped I was going to be able to put a stop to it. She said she had written to you telling you so, and I admired her for it.
