“She had a diary. She wrote it all down. Everything.”
I thought he might challenge me. Instead, to my surprise, he laughed. “You know, I wondered about that. She seemed like she might be the diary type.”
“So you admit it, then?”
“Fine, we hooked up a couple times. She came on to me, and I went along with it. It was no big deal. I was planning on breaking it off anyway—wasn’t worth the hassle.”
It all came out so easily, his casting himself in the role of the beleaguered love interest, more than ready to pull the plug. I thought back to the bartender, of how he’d described Anna urging Lily not to tell anyone about her plans, her “date.”
“If she was so into you, and you couldn’t care less about her, then why was it a secret that Anna was going to see Nick that night? Why would it matter if you knew?” I felt myself tensing with anger. “Why would you even want to be with someone who so obviously didn’t want to be with you?”
I must have hit home with that, because his face tightened, as though a screw had turned, rearranging his features so they were hard, ugly.
“Why? Because it wasn’t her call,” he said. “She didn’t get to be the one to end things.”
“Why not?”
“Because I made that very clear. Because I told her. But then she goes slinking around, trying to get together with someone else? Dragging my best friend into it?”
His best friend. “Brian?”
“Oh, Lily told me all about that. How Brian was trying to help pair off Nick and Anna. God, Lily actually thought the four of us would hang out or some shit. That’s why I showed her the photo. So she could see what her friend was really like.”
I blinked, confused. I’d assumed Lily had found out about him and Anna by accident. “Why did you do that? Why would you have wanted Lily to know you were having sex with Anna?”
He laughed at that, low and mean. “I didn’t. I told her Anna had been embarrassing herself, throwing herself at me. That I hadn’t wanted to say anything before, what with them being friends and all, but that the four of us hanging out wasn’t going to happen. Said it seemed like a shame for Nick to get involved with someone like Anna. That maybe it would be good for him—Mr. Straight-Edge—to realize she wasn’t as sweet as he thought. Lily agreed. She was so angry I think she would’ve have agreed with anything I said.” He paused, his face tightening again. “Of course, it turned out she wanted everyone, or at least all the boys, to know right away.”
I put my arm out to steady myself against the car, trying to put it all together.
“So you drugged Anna to humiliate her in front of Nick? Because you were jealous?”
“Jealous?” His face flushed, and his voice rose. “No, I wasn’t jealous; I didn’t care about her. She just needed to understand she couldn’t get away with going behind my back, acting like none of it had happened.”
It hurt to keep on going, but I knew this might be my only chance, so I pressed forward.
“So you were going to, what, just leave her at Nick’s house? Drugged? That was the plan?”
“Pretty much. He was supposed to come out and find her all messed up. And if he tried to help her and people thought he had something to do with it, that wasn’t exactly any skin off my back. Or if he decided to help himself instead, if he wasn’t as nice as she thought—well, it didn’t matter to me how it played out.” He paused. “Of course, we’ll never know what he would’ve done, because when we got to his house, his light was on but he wasn’t picking up his phone.”
Nick was already gone by then, I thought, already driving to the party. He just hadn’t turned off his light.
Charlie shook his head. “I thought maybe I’d have to call it quits—head on to the party and leave her to sleep it off in the car. And then I saw her look at his window with the light on and then to the tree across from it. The window was way too far away for her to make it, but she was high as a kite, so maybe I nudged her a little. Told her she should climb the tree, try to get to his window. Told her she could make it if she wanted to. Told her it was time she took a bit of a risk, time she tried to fly. And she smiled at me like I’d found the perfect answer, and then she opened the car door.”
He paused, deliberate, thoughtful—as if he was still working something out. “Lily could have stopped her, I think. Brian couldn’t have reached her in time, but for Lily, sitting right next to her, it should’ve been easy. I even saw her start to reach for Anna’s arm. But then she hesitated. And then we all just watched as she got out of the car, as she ran to the tree. Watched as she fell.”
His voice took on almost a dreamy quality. “Her fingers did graze the sill, you know. For a moment, I thought she might make it—thought maybe she could fly after all.” Then he shrugged, his voice returning to its normal state. “So there it is: the truth about that night. You’re the only one who wanted it, and now you have it. And that’s that.”
That’s that. Like there would be no consequences. Like he’d return to the gym and watch the rest of the game from the bench, and I’d simply go home and never say a word.
“No, I’m going to tell everyone,” I said. “You drugged her, you told her to jump. You’re responsible.”
He shook his head like he felt sorry for
