“No,” I say more sharply than I mean to. Everyone around us looks up from their laptops. “Sorry. I don’t think that. I just feel like … everyone else will. People who don’t know me. In person people get, you know, all of me. When it’s just a photo, it worries me they can’t see past how I look.”
“But how you look is …” Maliah sighs and shakes her head. “Never mind. I don’t want to have this fight again, and I really don’t want to have it in this coffeeshop.”
“Good,” I say. “Ooh, here’s a skirt with apples and pears print!”
“That definitely sounds like something you’d own,” Maliah says, and I realize Jax’s theory about me and fruit clothes is absolutely on the mark. Is that bad?
“It’s three hundred and seventy-five dollars,” I report. “So definitely not.”
“So I have to go.” She gets up even though I feel like she literally just sat down. “I’ll pick you up Friday for the thing at Denny’s, yes?”
“Sure.” Don’t ask, I tell myself. You already know the answer. “Plans with Trevor?”
“We’re going to a Dodgers game,” she says.
“Ugh, really?”
She laughs. “Shut it. It’s our national pastime, Abbs. See you Friday.”
So I spend the rest of the day alone. The good news is I do eventually find the apples and pears skirt on deep, deep discount on another site and give in to my fruit wardrobe destiny.
CHAPTER 10
The party’s already loud and overflowing onto the front yard when the four of us arrive at Denny’s house on Friday. Club-type dance music—well, what I’d expect clubs to play while people do the sort of dancing that seems more like fully-clothed sex—filters out into the night air, and I can’t help but shoot Maliah a look.
“It’ll be fun,” she says. “I need a night out with my girls.”
Maliah never said things that sounded like deleted dialogue from old episodes of Sex and the City until she fell in love with Trevor. Considering how stupid just a one-sided relationship in my own head with Jordi has made me, I really can’t judge anymore.
I mean, I will, of course. But it no longer feels fair.
I follow Maliah in, with Zoe and Brooke behind us. We have to walk through a narrow hallway to get to the kitchen, where we assume the drinks will be. As soon as we emerge from the squeezed space, I see a whole pack of kids in black. Artsy, thoughtful, purposeful black. Except Jordi. Jordi’s wearing a white tank top and army green shorts. I’ve never seen her bare legs before, and it’s honestly a lot to process.
“Hi, Jordi,” I say in a squeaky voice I barely recognize as my own. Maliah whips her head around and gives me a look.
“Hey, Abby,” Jordi says with a nod.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” I say. “Not that you have to tell me. Why would you? There aren’t intern codes of conduct for parties.”
Then I nervously laugh for, let’s just say, longer than necessary.
“Abbs.” Maliah forces a red Solo cup into my hand. “Let’s go outside.”
The four of us escape into the crowded backyard. I spot Gaby Manzetti almost right away, and I give her a tiny wave. I think we know each other well enough that it isn’t weird, and later I can report back nicely to Jax and look like a good friend.
“So what’s going on, Abbs?” Maliah asks me. “You can’t hide anything from me.”
“Nothing’s going on,” I say.
“She likes Jordi,” Brooke says very matter-of-factly. “That’s all. You do, right, Abby?”
I sigh. “Was it that obvious? Was it, like, embarrassingly obvious?”
“It was obvious but cute,” Brooke says. “And it’s only obvious because we know you.”
“I don’t know if Jordi realizes,” Zoe says. “But Jordi should realize; I want her to realize!”
“Jordi probably doesn’t like girls,” I say. “No girls do. It’s like a whole school full of girls who only like boys. Plus me.”
“Oh, Jordi’s definitely gay,” Maliah says, though she isn’t smiling. “But she’s also a criminal, Abbs.”
I take a big swig of whatever’s in my cup. It’s horrible, somewhere between Hawaiian Punch and what I imagine sadness might taste like. “How do you know?”
“Everyone knows,” Maliah says. “I told you. She went to juvie or something. It’s basically public knowledge.”
“I didn’t mean about that,” I say. “How do you know she’s definitely gay?”
“Hey,” someone says, and I look over to see that Gaby and her friend Marji are joining us. We all greet each other even though I really want to get back to the conversation we’re in the midst of. However, I owe this to Jax, and also maybe it’s good to take a break. I don’t want Maliah to be right about juvie, so is it fair to hope she is right about Jordi liking girls?
“How’s your summer been?” I ask Gaby. “My friend Jax said you were doing a really cool volunteer thing.”
Gaby rolls her eyes and laughs. “Aren’t you too … not horrible to hang out with Jax?”
“Jax is actually a …” What even is the word for Jax? “A good friend. He seems like more of a bro than he is. A super douche wouldn’t hang out with a fat girl with pink hair, right?”
“You can do better than Jax Stockton,” Marji tells Gaby, which makes Brooke and Zoe laugh, and I also see how from some angles that might be true. He still wears his ugly flip flops and is keeping his hidden depths, well … hidden.
“He really is a good guy,” I say, and I feel that whatever’s in this cup is already making my cheeks flush. “Sorry, am I talking about Jax too much?”
“Yes,” Marji says.
“I doubt he actually likes me,” Gaby says with a big smile. I swear that I understand in a flash why Jax is crazy about her. “He’s just a flirt.”
“Flirts can’t be trusted,” Marji says.
“I’m glad you guys are friends or whatever,” Gaby tells
