I laugh despite, well, everything. “Oh my god, that’s horrible. A wedding melon cake is literally the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, and I just broke up with my girlfriend.”
I just broke up with my girlfriend.
If I keep saying it maybe I can understand how the last hours even happened.
The Joneses are all up early the next morning to take a family hike in Griffith Park, so I thank Maliah a hundred times and then head home. I’m still in my dress and heels though my hair’s all flat and my makeup’s gone and I left my pineapple necklace at Maliah’s.
“Oh, good, you’re home,” Mom says without looking up from her computer. “I thought you might be able to—Abby, what happened?”
“Nothing,” I say. “I spent the night at Maliah’s, and had to sleep in this dress because I can’t fit into any of her pajamas, and yes, I know if I were thin then I could have and all my other life problems would be solved, too.”
“Hey, kiddo.” Dad walks into the room. “What’s up?”
“Jordi and I broke up. I’m going to my room.”
I push past him, lock my door behind me, and pull my dress over my head. It looks wilted on my floor but that’s exactly how my insides feel, so I kick off my shoes and leave everything as it falls.
My phone buzzes and I guess I expect three more messages from Jordi, but it’s magically Rachel.
Are you okay? Mom just told me to check in on you.
When people ask if you’re okay, it always sounds like they want you to do anything in the whole world but say no.
But it’s Rachel. Finally. So I tell her the truth. It actually takes me ten separate texts to tell her the full truth.
Then I hear from Jax. how was jordi’s thing?
I tell him everything, too.
Shit abbs. That sux.
Yeah. It sux indeed.
CHAPTER 23
I want to sleep for the indefinite future, but my phone makes a bunch of noise on Sunday morning. Maliah, Brooke, and Zoe have all texted about brunch, and so I guess I have to face the world. I have to face Modern Eats and my friends, at least.
Maliah picks me up and glances my way as she speeds off down the street. “You look better than expected.”
“Thanks a lot.” I did manage to take a quick shower and pull on a dress that requires no effort or accessorizing. My neck feels bare without my pineapple necklace and I wish I’d put something else on in its place. Or should I make myself feel this emptiness around my neck, too?
We get a table right away at the restaurant, and I stare at my menu instead of at my friends’ sad faces. I feel like I’ve let everyone down. This is our first real breakup.
“If it makes you feel better,” Brooke says, “Henry tagged Jordi in some photos last night, and she looked miserable.”
Why doesn’t that make me feel better?
“We’ll figure out who else likes girls,” Zoe says. “It can’t just be you and Jordi in the whole school, or even the whole class.”
“I don’t care,” I say. “I don’t want to go out with anyone else.”
“Well, not now,” Maliah says. “Eventually. This is our senior year. We’re all going to prom.”
“I’ll take you to prom,” Brooke tells me. “Even if I have a boyfriend by then. He’ll have to understand.”
“Same,” Zoe says. “You’ll have the best dress of anyone there anyway.”
“You’re both screwing up my point,” Maliah says. “My point is you’ll feel better at some point. And by that point, we’ll have figured out who’s available. And hopefully whoever it is …”
“Likes me?”
“Oh shut your face,” Maliah says. “Is good enough for you. Unlike Jordi.”
I open my mouth to defend Jordi. And then of course I don’t.
No one can decide what to get, so we order four things (pancakes, waffles, an omelet, and a vegan breakfast burrito) with the plan of splitting everything. But just like last night, no matter how good comfort food sounds, I barely take a bite of anything.
“Do you want to go shopping after this?” Maliah asks. “I can clear my whole day.”
“Me too,” Zoe says.
“I have nothing to clear,” Brooke says. “Let’s do it.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but …” I try another bite of pancake. It tastes like nothing. “I don’t want to go shopping.”
“We’ll do whatever you do want,” Zoe says. “What sounds good to you, Abby?”
“Nothing,” I say. “Thanks for making me come to brunch, really, but now I just need to go back home and collapse. Okay?”
They look at each other like they don’t know if it is.
“It’s only been like thirty-six hours,” I say. “I’m allowed to want to lie in bed and feel like crap. I have to see her tomorrow at work and …”
My voice breaks, and Maliah puts her hand on my shoulder. Being visibly shattered is a strange feeling; I would have guessed it would be horrible, but I don’t even have any control right now. Everything’s ruined so who cares if everyone knows that?
“Can you skip work?” Zoe asks. “Say you’re sick?”
“They’re not even paying you,” Maliah says. “You should absolutely play sick.”
“No, I … I should get it over with. And I really can’t let Jordi win now. If she did this and gets the job …”
“You’re brave,” Brooke tells me.
But that is one thing I don’t feel at all.
I leave early on Monday morning so that there’s less chance of running into Jordi on my way, and luckily I make it safely to Lemonberry. Laine sees me and runs over to open the door.
“You’re early,” she says. “How was your weekend? How did Jordi’s opening go?”
“Fine,” I say. “I think people really liked it. And it was crowded.”
“That’s great! I think Maggie and
