“Make yourself comfortable,” Ray says because that’s what people say, not because he thinks they can.
Nicole and Michael sit on the couch, and I take the chair next to it. Ray just stands there.
“It’s nice to see you again, Nicole,” I say. “I had just popped over to see Ray, and he said you were stopping by. I can go if you’d like.”
“Please stay,” Nicole says a little too emphatically.
I look at Michael as he clings to his mother’s pants. Ray and Nicole make eye contact, break it, look again. Ray sits down beside them, but not too close. No one seems to know how to start a conversation.
“I like your place,” Nicole says. “You didn’t tell me you moved to this side of town.”
“I was lucky to find anything at all,” he says.
I’m sure he’s picked up the real meaning of her words—“this side of town” translates to “so close to us.” I figure he’s trying to chalk it up to the luck of the classifieds, but it comes out sounding more like the truth than he means it to.
“Well,” she says.
I know she wants to finish that thought with a much deserved “Whose fault is that?” but she doesn’t. Nicole is classy like that.
She stuck out from the group Ray ran with like that much-talked about sore thumb. She was too smart, too motivated, too good for that group. She used to tell Ray that he was too smart to be hanging around with such losers, and he would tell her that she was hanging around them, too. She said hers was a problem of situation and that his was an act of intention.
See, too smart.
Dad had high hopes for Nicole and Ray. He saw her as a life jacket but feared Ray would be too stubborn to grab onto it. I think she loved Ray, but love can only stand so much.
“I got a good job now,” Ray says.
“Really,” Nicole says. It’s not sarcastic. It’s like she’s checking something off a list. She’s got criteria that she’s holding Ray up to, and she’s pleasantly surprised to see that he’s met a goal already.
“It’s in the computer department of that graphic design firm down the street,” Ray says. “One of the reasons I wanted to be in town here. Easy to get to work.”
That’s a lie, but if it makes him look a little less desperate and scary, it’s one worth telling. Ray would call it luck that he got that job. Dad would have deferred to divine intervention. Given the circumstance, I’d have to agree with Dad. Ray’s parole officer had arranged for the interview with a company whose president was someone the parole officer had known back when they were both younger and going to AA. Someone who knew about second chances. Someone who would make sure Ray understood the importance of trying again.
Ray is talking about his job and what he does all day, and I find myself using the opportunity of being forgotten for a moment to steal glances at Michael. I want to look full on at him, to study his features and memorize the way he moves, but I don’t want to seem too needy.
“Mommy,” Michael says, and it’s the first time I’ve heard his voice. “I’m bored. How long are we staying?”
Nicole gasps in that embarrassed mother sort of way. “Michael,” she says. “Don’t be rude.”
Ray jumps up from the couch. “It’s ok,” he says, “I’d be bored too. I have some toys you can play with. Come see what I got.”
Michael follows Ray down the hall, and Nicole and I are left alone.
“I’m real sorry about your dad,” she says. “I always liked him. I wish Michael had gotten to meet him.”
“Thanks. I wish he had, too.”
Nicole picks at a string that’s loose from the couch and looks nervously around the room.
“I’m assuming you know that Ray is Michael’s father,” she says. “I’m also guessing that you didn’t just pop by. Ray asked you to be here when I came over? Yes?”
She meets my eyes, and I smile a small confirmation.
“Evidently,” I say. “He’s just nervous. I know how crazy this will sound, but give him another chance.”
Michael runs back out to Nicole, holding up a pair of Matchbox cars and shouting for her to “Lookit, lookit, these are so cool” before she has a chance to respond to me.
Michael plays over by the window, and Nicole and Ray resume their conversation. I feel like the third wheel that I am, but in this case the cart would fall over without me, so I stay.
“I’m glad to hear about the job, Ray,” Nicole says. “Sounds like something you could be good at.”
“They’ve got me working on this computer manual rewrite thing,” Ray says. “It’s not all that exciting, but I’m learning everything there is to know about what they do and what they’re changing. So I’ll be the first to know all the new procedures.”
Ray talks like he’s casting a spell, searching for the right incantation to win over Nicole. She starts asking him questions about his job, giving Ray a chance to say the right words for a change.
“The other day, one of the main systems went out, and the whole place shut down,” Ray says, getting animated and excited. “They had one of their senior guys on it, but he couldn’t get it back up. I managed to find what was screwing it up and got everybody back online.”
Michael comes back over to us and drives the cars over our feet. He looks up at me and wrinkles his brow. Then he looks at Ray.
“Are you two married?” Michael asks Ray.
“No,” Ray says. “Why do you ask?”
“Because this place is a mess,” Michael says. “You need someone to clean it up.”
“Michael,” Nicole says to him sharply.
“It’s ok, buddy,” Ray says and touches the top of Michael’s head, then snaps his hand back like he’s done something he shouldn’t have. “It is a
