She turns to him. “Of course! I’ll be at the table. Take all the time you need.”
“Let’s go out back,” Knox tells me after she’s out of earshot, and places his hand at the small of my back, guiding me down the hall. “My driver’s outside.”
“Sure,” I answer, but to be honest, I’m not sure of anything anymore.
We sit side by side in silence in the back of Knox’s limo. It’s just us. The privacy glass is up, separating us from his driver. Minutes pass and neither of us has said a word. I’m brought back to those days when we were teens, sitting like this, quiet yet sharing so much without the need for words.
It feels like old times.
Until it doesn’t.
Knox puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. That’s not out of the ordinary, but when he goes a step further, slowly lifting me into his lap, I’m pretty sure about where this will end up going. If we’re not careful, we’ll cross another line, and there’ll be no turning back.
Still, he hasn’t done anything other than wrap his arms around me. Maybe he just needs to hold me, to feel me close. There’s no harm in that.
But I’m dead wrong when his hand runs up my back, anchoring into my hair. He uses his grip to guide my face to look up at his, and his mouth meets mine. It’s the softest, gentlest kiss I’ve ever felt, yet it’s so potent and overpowering that it goes right to my core. The faintest hint of a touch, and he lingers there, while my body reacts everywhere, especially between my legs. After some time, he nips on my bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth. I start to feel his erection growing beneath me. I’m so torn. I want to know where this will go, but on the other hand, I’m so scared I’ll enjoy him too much, only to eventually have the rug pulled out from under me when he blows me off again. Because he will blow me off. I’m certain of that.
“We should go back inside,” I tell him against his lips. “They’ll come looking for us if we don’t make an appearance soon.”
“Sure. Okay,” he says, but his tongue says otherwise as it slides along my bottom lip, parting my mouth. His fingers tighten in my hair, and what starts off as soft and gentle and innocent quickly turns into a hot, deep, demanding kiss that I don’t want to end. I meet his tongue with mine, exploring his mouth as he claims me all over again and makes me forget where I am. He runs a hand up along my thigh and my legs part, wanting more contact. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m wearing dress pants tonight, there’d be no turning back. As his hand grazes over my waistband, searching to undo my button and zipper, I come to my senses and move it away.
“We can’t…we should stop.” I pull away and slide out of his lap, my fingers covering my lips and the other hand on the door handle. “This is a bad idea. I’m sorry… See you inside.” Jumping out into the warm evening air, I don’t look back as I hurry inside.
Of course, my appetite is nonexistent now. For food, anyway. I return to my seat just as the waiter comes from the other direction, his rolling tray packed with our food orders. Knox joins us a minute later. My parents and his grandfather give us a brief glance, but are polite enough not to mention our absence. They keep their conversations going, and I move my food around the plate, hoping no one will notice that food is the last thing on my mind. And Knox? He doesn’t look me in the eye or say another word to me for the entire time.
It’s the second time that I’ve shut him down or walked away from him. If we cross paths after tonight, I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to do it a third time.
No matter what, I’m staying far, far away.
I have to.
8
Knox
I never thought it would come to this. I can’t get Isabelle out of my head. Pops’ news is also stuck on repeat, delivering a crushing blow to my gut over and over again.
This is really fucking bad.
I look out the window after Isabelle and her parents leave, waiting for Pops to finish what he started before they arrived. My hands run through my hair and I take a deep breath, hoping this night will end before too long.
My brain can’t decide what to focus on. Pops’ illness causes my blood to run cold. It devastates me, then the thought of Isabelle in my lap crowds it out. They’re competing for air time, sending me into a downward spiral, and all I know is if I can get the fuck out of here, I might have a chance to breathe again.
“You okay, son?” Pops asks.
“No. I’m not.” I reply. “I don’t understand why you kept something this big from me for all this time. How can you get to stage four cancer and exhaust every possible avenue without my knowing a thing about it? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because I knew that you’d worry.” His face softens a little, and fills with genuine concern for me. “I was protecting you for as long as I could. There wasn’t any point, having you stress and fret over me for two years while my doctors did their thing and my body did the rest.”
Two years? Two fucking years?
“I deserved to know.”
He gives me a weak smile but doesn’t answer. None of this is fair, and it shouldn’t have gone down this way. He’s effectively shortened the time I have to come to terms with his illness and let go. It’s a childish notion, but I can’t stand the thought of that. I don’t want to lose him.
“I
