His face tenses and he lets go of my hand and the keys. “You’re welcome. Happy Fourth of July,” he says in a stiff, serious tone, and walks toward his car parked a few vehicles away.
I didn’t expect him to give up so easily. I also didn’t think my heart would feel like the bottom dropped out when he clicks his car remote and pulls the driver side door open.
“You don’t need to leave right away,” I shout.
He looks at me, one foot inside the car, his hand on the top of his door. “Do you still believe I lured you to the Hamptons just to fall in line with my grandfather or not?”
“I…well…”
“Bye Belle,” he grunts out and jumps into the car, slamming his door.
I hurry up the street and press my palms onto the passenger side window to get his attention. “Wait!”
He rolls down the window. “What?”
“Okay I apologize.”
“Do you believe it or not?”
“You said it was true, Knox. What am I supposed to think?”
His jaw ticks, and the vein at his temple is pronounced, pounding hard. “You’re supposed to trust your gut, and if you can’t do that, you’re supposed to trust me. Trust us.”
“I did! I trusted us. I believed in us. So hard. But you let ten years pass, Knox. That broke me. All that time, I didn’t know what to think.”
“No one can turn back time. I can’t change what I did.”
I pound against the spot over my heart. “But you’re asking me to change the broken pieces left in here. The pieces that never healed.”
“I don’t know… I’m sorry you feel that way. Look, I’ve got to get back to my grandfather now. He doesn’t have much time.”
“What?”
“You would’ve found out if you stuck around as planned. He’s terminal. We maybe have a few months with him. So, if you’re intent on believing I only took you there to follow his wishes or whatever, at least understand it was for a good reason. Even if it isn’t at all why.”
“I’m…I didn’t know…”
“I have to go now,” he mutters, and presses the button to roll up my window. His hand covers the gear shift, and without a parting glance, he drives away.
Shit.
What did I just do?
18
Knox
“Remind me again why you think it’s such a bad idea to be single?” I ask Pops the next day after all our guests have left.
We’re sitting out on the balcony, looking out at the ocean. It’s back to being quiet around the house and in the neighborhood. There aren’t noises wafting in on the wind from other estates in the area either, which is normal after the long weekend.
Pops has a glass of whiskey in one hand and his pipe in the other. He makes no apologies for his frequent indulgences, and I don’t scold him for it. The man has precious little time on this earth. He may as well enjoy his vices.
“Because, son,” he answers as though that alone explains it all.
“Because what?”
He places the cigar in one side of his mouth and looks at me, and I see the glint of levity in his eyes. “Because, when you’re old and gray and weak after fighting cancer, it wouldn’t hurt to have someone special who loves you and will be there to hold your hand in the end.”
“That’s not funny.”
“Not even a little bit?”
“No,” I tell him.
“I think it’s a little funny,” he retorts.
“You think you got jokes, but I’m trying to be serious here.”
“All right, son.”
“And by the way, Grams passed away before Mom and Dad did, so your whole argument is shot.”
“No,” he grunts. He shakes his head and his jaw tightens. “She fought a good fight, and I was there for her in the end.”
“Okay I guess that’s true.”
“Trust me, if I didn’t get stuck with this damn cancer, I’d wait around for fifty or sixty years and I’d be there to hold your hand too. That’s what a loving family does for one another. They stick around, son.”
I feel my chest go tight at his words. I fucking love this man.
“There’s only one person left in this world that I love,” I admit to him. “And he’s sitting right next to me.”
He sets down his whiskey glass and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t try to get me all teary-eyed, boy. Besides, that’s a lie if I ever heard one. Well, not a total lie. It’s more like an omission.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t be a damn fool,” he tells me, and gets to his feet. He starts to head inside but turns to look at me one more time. “Answer your phone before I throw it in the ocean. All that buzzing is driving me up a wall.”
I lean to one side and pull out my phone from my back pocket. It was on silent all last night, but I turned it on vibrate a short while ago. I didn’t bother to check any messages because work emails come onto that phone too. But I also didn’t want to end up reading any from Isabelle. Not while I was still mad as fuck.
Now that I’m somewhat calm, I unlock the screen and open the text app. A bunch of texts have come in, most of them from Isabelle.
Can you come back so we can talk about it?
I didn’t know about your grandfather’s illness. Let me be there for you.
I’m so sorry. You’re right. The past is in the past. I want you in my future.
I feel awful. Please call me.
Knox. Please. Don’t close me off again. I was wrong, okay?
Knox?
You’re doing it again and it’s breaking my heart.
Okay fine. I’m done. Bye.
I should feel bad about not replying to her, but I’m done playing games. This is why I call myself an animal. A beast. I can flip a switch in my head and shut out all this emotional shit. I have no fucking problem being as
