My knees let go, and I break from the circle of Jaxon’s arms. Leaning forward, I place my hand on my stomach, to fight back the nausea. I added to that little’s girl’s loss, her pain. I hate myself for that, especially since all I ever wanted to do was love her. I breathe through the hurt, the bile punching into my throat.
“Rachel—” Jaxon begins.
“No,” I blurt out, hating myself, hating this entire situation, I step farther away from Jaxon. Being with me is unsafe. I have to make him understand that.
“Is everything okay, dear?” Grandmas asks from the kitchen doorway.
“Everything is fine, Grandma.”
She hesitates for a moment. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”
I swallow painfully. “How…”
“Judy and Karl had a private investigator look into your past,” he announces, coming right to the point.
My vision clouds as a million questions race through my mind. I stumble again, and back up until my knees hit the sofa. The wind whips through the house, but Jaxon doesn’t close the front door, not with his daughter still inside a running car.
“Why…why would they do that?”
Jaxon glances over his shoulder to check on his daughter, then takes a measured step toward me. Instead of answering, he says, “At first, I thought you left because of Sarah. I saw the rings on her finger and can only assume she flashed them at you, too. I once told you she has a knack for making people believe what they want.”
“She did flash them,” I say, my voice as shaky as my body. I need him to go but I can’t let him think I never believed he was one of the good guys. “At first I thought you were still married, Jaxon. When we were…well you know. I didn’t give it much thought. I guess we were busy doing other things.” I brush my hair from my face, and grab a tissue from the box on the coffee table. I dab my eyes and then pluck at the ends. “Then she flashed her rings, made it clear I needed to go. I wasn’t going to at first, but those diamonds jump-started my brain and I couldn’t figure out how you could have gotten a divorce when you said she left suddenly and never looked back. I hated myself for being…” I stop to do air quotes around the words, “‘the other woman.’” I was no better than those women…”
He fists his hair and tugs. “Your father, I know.”
I look down at the torn tissue, and keep ripping at it. “I couldn’t stand the idea of Cassie hating me the way I hated all those women, but the more I thought about it, the more I reasoned it out. You’d never purposely hurt me or use me, Jaxon. You’re a kind man with integrity. More integrity in that baby finger than any other man I know. So, I realized that even though you might not have had the papers to prove you two were over, the marriage was over in your head and in your heart.”
“It’s also over on paper.”
My head jerks back up. “It is?”
“I had an investigator find her and serve her papers. She didn’t show up to court and the judge awarded the divorce based on the facts shown on my petition. Sarah still wore the rings. I guess she never thought I’d go through with it.”
“Where is she now?” I ask, not sure if I want to really know.
He shrugs, and shakes his head, disgust written all over his face. “Who knows. Gone again, I guess.”
Oh, his poor daughter. “Cassie…” I croak out.
“She never got to meet her. I told her she had to prove she was clean and had her act together before I let her into Cassie’s life.”
“I’m so sorry, Jaxon. I know how much you wanted Cassie to have a mother.”
“Not a mother that we we’re not enough for, Rach,” he says, his voice lower, softer.
“Of course not.”
“Once I realized you knew better than to think I was still married and going to fall back into a life with Sarah, I couldn’t help but think you left because we weren’t enough either.” He shrugs again. “Past experiences and all.”
“I understand, Jaxon. We all have our demons but it’s not like that,” I say quickly. I can’t let him think that. Any woman in her right mind would be crazy to leave him and his daughter. I only left to protect them, because my ex wasn’t in his right mind.
“I know.”
I let out a breath, relieved at that.
He takes one more step toward me, captures my hand in his and lifts until I’m standing on wobbly legs. But I don’t have to worry about falling. He secures one arm around my waist, and places a comforting hand on my cheek.
“I was lost and confused for weeks, Rachel, and had no idea where you were, or why you left until Judy and Karl showed up at my door. That’s when everything fell into place for me.”
“You know, then,” I blurt out. “You know Dylan found me.”
“He never found you, and for his sake, he’d better not ever try.” His nostrils flare, the blue of his eyes sharpening. “As a matter of fact, maybe Jericho and the rest of the guys will go with me and pay him a visit. Give him a chance to pick on someone his own size.”
My pulse leaps, and blood rushes to my brain. “No, Jaxon. That’s one of the reasons why I left. I can’t let you go down that road. Getting into trouble, fighting…” I pound on his chest again. “You’re not safe when you’re with me. If Dylan ever threatened you…Cassie. Oh, God,” I cry out. “You have to think about what’s best for Cassie.”
“I am, that’s why I said I wasn’t
