Even the screaming had felt great. Primal. It came from deep in her belly, and seemed to have released some of the tensionand fear and, yes, anger about her situation that she’d carried around like a turtle lugging a backward shell.
And, truth be told, she tingled just about everywhere after watching her muscled boyfriend demonstrate moves barefoot, injust a tank and gym shorts. That body was her playground, now. It had been for a week. Sierra still could barely believe it.Could hardly believe all the different ways they’d explored and enjoyed each other.
She couldn’t get enough of him. Not just Flynn’s body, but being with him. Hanging out, walking on the beach, laughing over dinner with his brothers before watching a movie. Ordinary datingstuff that felt extraordinary.
Flynn laced his hands together behind his back and then straightened his arms. “This will open up your chest muscles. Everymove has a counter move; every muscle has a set of muscles that balance it. You’ve got to be sure to stretch so you don’tstiffen up.”
Sierra tried to mimic him. She got her fingers laced, but her elbows stayed bent. Glancing around the room, the other womenwere having the same problem.
When Flynn noticed some grimaces, he unpretzeled himself and held up one hand. “Don’t force it. You can only do what you cando. Take ownership of that. Be proud of your achievements. Don’t focus on your limitations. Not just in this class, but inlife.” Then he shook his head. An almost . . . flustered look had his lids flashing down, and his lips pursing. “Sorry. I’mused to teaching kids. You guys probably don’t want a side helping of a life lecture with your self-defense.”
Karen blew a raspberry. “Don’t censor yourself, Sensei.” She’d also teased him with the titles of Karate-San and Master Yoda.“I’ll take a giant scoop of whatever you dish out.”
“Ewww—” Jackie, who worked at the salon and always ordered fries with a double dip of cheese to go with her Diet Coke, frownedat Karen,”—and yes, she’s right. What you’re teaching isn’t just physical. It’s about self-confidence, right? I don’t knowabout the rest of you, but I run low on that most days.”
Sierra nodded fiercely. “It’s so easy to assume that everyone else is better than me, more together. But deep down, on theinside? They’re probably as messed up in their own way as I am. It’s good to be reminded that I am enough.”
Immediately, she worried that she shouldn’t have spoken up. But one glance at the pride beaming from Flynn’s blue eyes toldSierra he appreciated that she got it.
Fluidly, he bent over and touched his toes. The women were much better at this move, with almost everyone trailing their fingertipson the floor. “You don’t get better without pushing yourself. But take breaks. Set reasonable expectations. Don’t book a flightto Hollywood and try to take down the Rock tomorrow with one rolled shoulder to the gut.”
“Worth it, if he’s naked,” Karen quipped.
Sierra bit back a giggle. Maybe it was true that exercise gave you a natural high. Because Karen was sure, um, loose.
“You’re all strong. And you did good work today. Give yourselves a hand.” Flynn clapped, and everyone joined in with matchinggrins. “Spread the word, too. Same time next weekend.”
Sierra headed for the wall where all their shoes and socks were lined up. A handful of women came with her, but the otherhandful fluttered around Flynn. It reminded Sierra of the end of class in art school. Kids would flock to the professor, jostlingto eke out some praise for their work.
She didn’t mind one bit. Because Sierra knew he was hers, even if they hadn’t talked it through. She knew it from the tenderlypossessive way Flynn cupped her face when he kissed her. The way bags of Doritos kept mysteriously showing up in her lockerat the Gorse. The way he completely dropped his guard and gave those rolling, deep belly laughs she was so tickled to wringout of him.
“This was fun.” Karen screwed up her button nose as she tightened her messy ponytail. “I mean, I’ll be cursing your guy tomorrowwhen I’m too stiff to roll out of bed, but I’m glad I came.”
“Yeah. Some aches are good aches.” And Sierra meant all of the ones that Flynn had given her in the last week from their vigorously awesome sex. The look of satisfaction that shewas responsible for putting on his face each and every time was even more empowering than learning how to take down an attacker.
“Are you being proactive? Or are you working out old demons?”
Okay. So maybe she’d visualized Rick’s face when flipping Karen over her shoulder with a satisfying grunt. Sierra didn’t want to give adismissive lie out of the habit of protecting her secret. This class was a big gift Flynn gave them, and it was probably helpingpeople banish bad memories. Choosing her words carefully, she said, “Um, both? I’ve been in situations I wish I could’ve gottenout of better.”
“Me, too. More than once. I’m not proud of not doing anything to help myself, either. That’s why I liked what Flynn said atthe end. Not beating myself up about what I didn’t do a decade ago is a hard pill to swallow.”
It was like Karen was pulling words—and feelings—straight from Sierra’s head. So she’d take a chance and share a thought thathad occurred to her mid-class. “What if we turn it around? Instead of trying to ignore that humiliation from not being ableto save ourselves, we accept it as a stepping-stone. One that brought us to this class. That the bad feelings were the kickin the pants we needed to force ourselves to do better, be stronger.”
Karen bit her lip, considering. Her expression morphed from thoughtful to hopeful with arched eyebrows and wide brown eyes.“That’s very wise.”
“Only if it works. We both have to promise to try believing it.” Sierra stuck out her hand, with just the little finger extended.“Pinkie swear.”
“You got it.” They shook, and Sierra felt about twenty pounds lighter.
