They watched me approach like I was the angel of death. Even Eamon.
My words tumbled out long before I reached them. “I said good things! She took everything out of context!”
Henrik held up a hand. “Of course you did. We all knew she had it out for us.”
“Then why did you make me talk to her?” I blurted. “Why make me ruin everything?”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” Eamon said fast. I stood next to him, a little too aware of his hands buried in his pockets. Unreachable. “It’s the damn Thornians. I think I now understand why you loathe them so much.”
“What’d they do now?” I growled.
“After the article came out, they started an online boycott of the adaptation. It has thirteen thousand signatures since last night, and it’s looking to go viral by noon,” Henrik said, his voice as grumpy as ever, his expression basset-hound sad.
“So we keep going forward. We prove those idiots wrong.” My fists went tight. I wanted to punch someone.
“It won’t matter,” Eamon said, deflated. He looked to Henrik, who shook his head. They looked to Roxy. She appeared almost plain today in a pair of overalls and a red flannel. She didn’t even have on makeup. And why were we all looking at Roxy?
“Shoshanna quit.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Not even air.
“She’s already gone to the airport,” Eamon added. “She didn’t say goodbye to any of us.”
“Her talent agent thought she should get out before the really bad press hit. The boycott was the final straw though, not the article.” Henrik looked at me like this might make me feel better. Well, at least now I knew who I wanted to punch: Shoshanna.
Henrik straightened up and clapped Eamon on the shoulder. “Look alive.”
I turned to see Cate walking toward us. She looked a bit like Julian, dark sunglasses, leather jacket, folded shoulders. When her eyes fell on me, her steps slowed, and I wasn’t imagining it. “Cate, I’m—”
She shook her head, and I stopped talking. “No offense, Iris, but I’m not in the mood.”
Dead silence. Now there were five of us, standing on a glorious beach before a few million dollars’ worth of production equipment wondering what the hell to do. After a long, long moment, Cate said, “I think I’m supposed to be inspiring here, but I don’t fucking feel like it.”
Roxy snorted a laugh. Eamon cracked a smile, and Cate rubbed her hands through her buzzed hair. “I have to call the studio and let them know,” she said, more angry than sad. “I wanted to take one more stroll before my dream comes to a crashing halt.”
“Don’t,” I said.
Everyone stared at me.
“Don’t?” Cate asked.
“Don’t call them yet. I’ll go to the airport. I’ll talk Shoshanna out of leaving.”
“What are you going to say to her I haven’t already tried, Iris?” Cate pulled her glasses down her nose to look at me. I’d finally surprised Cate Collins.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But she’s a nonbeliever, and I speak nonbeliever, if you guys remember.”
“Fluently,” Eamon said. I could tell two things in that one word. First, he was devastated. Second, he believed in me—or he wanted to. “It’s not a bad idea, Cate. I’ll drive her.”
I looked into Cate’s small, blue eyes, willing her to believe in me. “I won’t back down.”
• • •
For most of the ride to the airport, I was silent. Eamon was silent. Where would we begin? How do these things even work when your crush’s dream role and career as an actor is at risk?
“I’m sorry this happened,” I tried. “Do you blame me for the article?”
“I’d say we blame Henrik for letting a live wire like you near that reporter. I can only imagine what you actually said for her to get all those unflattering quotes.” His words had a bite, but it could have been worse.
“Hey, I said great things! About Cate. About Shoshanna, Julian. You.” I sighed. “I was trying to be honest. I said I hadn’t wanted to be here at first, but you guys changed my mind.”
He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. “What’d you say about me, then?”
“That you’re amazing. Way out of my league.” Okay, I hadn’t said that, but it’s how I’d felt since I’d seen Eamon go all actor. He looked like he was going to argue, and I beat him to it. “You’re all sure of yourselves. You’re all trying so hard, and I feel like the biggest coward. The second I stepped on this set, I was smacked by all the ways in which I’m not brave like my grandmother, like Cate, like you and Shoshanna. Even Julian!”
“Iris, is this because you didn’t record that song? You’ll get there.”
“No, I won’t. Not unless I change something huge about myself.”
Keep going, that inner Cate voice said.
I took a deep breath and pushed into the truth. Into the lists that formed in my head all too often. “I’m afraid of anyone hearing my music. Or that I’ll read those books and like them. I’m afraid some rabid fan is going to jump out and grab me. Or Ryder. I’m terrified of disappointing my dad, and petrified that I’m going to exist in this shadow of a shadow forev—”
“Shadow of a shadow?”
“Grandma Mae is the shadow over my dad, and my dad is the shadow over me. It’s double-dark inside. I can’t even play a song in front of someone because I’m terrified they’ll know how much I care about writing music. Then they’ll have this power over me.”
“I know how much your music means to you, and you still trust me.”
“You’re different,” I said. “I trust you, but I still can’t play in front of you, can I?”
Eamon frowned, his palm resting on the gearshift as we rose and fell and wound around the roads. I imagined sliding
