“You came out looking just like her, like Sam. I called Mom from the hospital, and we had a nice talk. She was happy, and it was rather impulsive, but I wanted my mom back, so I gave you her name. I thought you could help us heal,” he said quietly.
“Sorry I failed.” My voice came out serrated.
“Of course you didn’t fail. Don’t be melodramatic.” His steps picked up as we crossed the harbor. We sat on a bench before a dolphin statue. “The fallout was all my doing. I decided to finally read her books.” He glared at the copy of the Elementia trilogy in my hand.
“And you hated them?”
“Hate is a lazy word.” He took the book and flipped through it. “I don’t hate this. I lived it. My mother is in all these characters. And I am too. And there’s so much Sam, I can’t even…” He handed the book back. “Sam was a firestorm, Iris. Like Sevyn. I swear she died yelling at her doctors. Even when she couldn’t breathe, she’d yell. There was no peace about it.”
No peace.
That’s what I’d always felt rushing through the bones of my family: a startling lack of peace. It made songs rush through me and good moments feel like tricks of the light. My imagination shrunk my dad to a thirteen-year-old who’d lost his twin and mother in one swift blow. Furious and powerless, he’d been older than Ryder, younger than me.
“She put our family’s grief in a blender and hit puree, Iris. Sam’s pain, my pain, her pain… Then she gave it to the world dressed in elves and foolishness. For that, I will never forgive her.”
He sighed and touched his forehead, tapping a spot. “Although I wouldn’t have seen her again before she died if it weren’t for you, that’s true enough. She showed up on my doorstep, demanding to meet you. To this day, I don’t know why I said yes. Do you remember?”
“She took me to the park.” I squinted into my thoughts, into my tenuous grasp on the memory. “She told me the sky wasn’t blue.”
“What’d she say? Cobalt?”
“Azure.”
“You might’ve only had one afternoon, but you got the real Mae Ellen Thorne experience.” He looked at me, and I’d never realized how much sadness had carved his features and left him frozen in his pain. “I’m not going to talk to you about her, Iris. I’m sorry. But there is someone who will. Your grandmother’s husband. I’ve never met him, but I can put you in touch.” I burst into tears and hugged him all at once. He patted my back rigidly. “Why are you crying?”
“Because I thought you wouldn’t tell me about him. I thought you’d be a real asshole.”
He let out a surprised laugh, which made me hug him harder. “You already know him?”
“Sort of.” I sat up, pushing back tears. When I spoke again, my voice was flooded with feelings. “Dad, I know your sister died and you lost your mom to all this fantasy stuff, but remember that I know what it’s like not to have a mom around too.” My dad winced. “And I can’t be Ryder’s single parent anymore.”
He slid his elbows to his knees, pressing his face into his hands. “Iris…”
“I’m going to college next year to study music. It’s going to be you and Ryder.”
“Oh? And what will you be studying to become?” he challenged, but I was ready.
“I want to be a music supervisor.”
He frowned. “You mean work for Hollywood?”
“I’ve been researching. I need to study music, business, fine arts, and multimedia platforms, but if I work hard and get my foot in the door, I could make a decent career out of it.”
“Sounds tricky.”
“Maybe, but I’m up for the challenge.” I turned to face him. “When I leave, Ryder is going to need more from you. You can’t get lost in your pages like she did.” He took the lecture with a slight nod, and I actually felt less like a parent, more like his daughter. Was that seriously all it took to shift some of the load? Honesty and persistence?
Wow, Cate.
“Ryder’s doing well here,” I continued. “He wants to be a chef.”
“No,” my dad said fast. “I don’t want—”
“This isn’t about what you want. This is Ryder’s life, and we are going to trust him. He deserves that much. He’s smart and has been through more than both of us.” I swear the shadow of Felix Moss crossed my dad’s features. “And I know you think we’re never going to forgive you for what happened, but that’s not true. We’ll forgive you if you let us live our lives. It’s your job to help support us with our choices, not make them for us.”
My dad leaned back, appraised me. “And what is it you’d like to choose, Iris?”
I didn’t hesitate.
“Remember my purpose money?”
SLÁINTE
Ryder, my dad, and I were the first to arrive at John Benny’s for the wrap dinner. We waited for more than a half hour for the others to arrive, and I started to worry that something had gone wrong with the last shot.
Ryder told Dad about his cooking lessons, and my dad—without faking enthusiasm—agreed to set them up if Ryder was serious. My wild, elf-loving little brother swore he’d given it a lot of thought and even offered explanations as to how his high-energy personality would help him stay on his feet in a kitchen environment. I’m not sure if Mr. Donato told him about that, but I made a mental note to thank that man.
I was about to text Eamon to make sure he was okay, when Julian busted in, followed by the entire cast and crew. They filled the small, charming pub in a hurry, causing the handful of regulars to grumble and move out of the way.
Eamon walked by with Shoshanna’s arm slung over his shoulder and winked.
I
