In the back of the taxi, as the cab made its way down the dark side road towards the bright lights of Dōzaka, Mokichi turned to look for Akutagawa, to wave goodbye to Akutagawa, but Akutagawa was not there; Akutagawa was already gone.
3. A Psalm, Again
O LORD GOD of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee:
Let my prayer come before thee: incline thine ear unto my cry;
For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave.
I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am as a man that hath no strength:
Free among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, whom thou rememberest no more: and they are cut off from thy hand.
Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps.
Thy wrath lieth hard upon me, and thou hast afflicted me with all thy waves. Sê-läh.
Thou hast put away mine acquaintance far from me; thou hast made me an abomination unto them: I am shut up, and I cannot come forth.
Mine eye mourneth by reason of affliction: LORD, I have called daily upon thee, I have stretched out my hands unto thee.
Wilt thou shew wonders to the dead? Shall the dead arise and praise thee? Sê-läh.
Shall thy loving kindness be declared in the grave? Or thy faithfulness in destruction?
Shall thy wonders be known in the dark? And thy righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?
But unto thee have I cried, O LORD; and in the morning shall my prayers prevent thee.
Lord, why castest thou off my soul? Why hidest thou thy face from me?
I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up: while I suffer thy terrors I am distracted.
Thy fierce wrath goeth over me; thy terrors have cut me off.
They came round about me daily like water; they compassed me about together.
Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and mine acquaintances into darkness.
4. An Attic of Faith
Beneath the crucifix on the wall of the attic, Fumitake Muroga smiled at Ryūnosuke and asked, ‘How have you been recently?
Fumitake Muroga worked as a caretaker-cum-handyman for the American Bible Society on the Ginza, living alone in the attic room of the religious publishing house, devoting his time to reading and prayer. Many years ago now, he had worked for Ryūnosuke’s father Toshizō Niihara as a dairy deliveryman, and so Muroga had known Ryūnosuke since childhood.
‘A nervous wreck, as usual,’ said Ryūnosuke, with that familiar sad, resigned smile Muroga had come to expect. ‘When I wonder if I can take another summer like this, another month of this, I feel wretched beyond belief … My head feels so strange … Even the most futile matters cause me to sink into a state of utter despair … Day after day, night after night, I just seem to subsist on opium extracts, strychnine, laxatives and Veronal …’
Muroga offered Ryūnosuke an apple and said, ‘You have to accept that drugs and medicines won’t cure or help you. But if you accept Jesus Christ, if you believe in Him, then you can be helped, then you can be saved.’
‘If only He could,’ said Ryūnosuke, looking from the wooden crucifix on the wall down to the yellow apple in his hand. ‘If only I could.’
‘If thou canst believe,’ quoted Muroga from the Gospel According to Mark, ‘all things are possible to him that believeth …’
‘Help thou mine unbelief,’ sighed Ryūnosuke.
‘But it’s not difficult, it’s not hard. If you would just believe in God, believe in Jesus Christ and accept Him as the Son of God, and believe in His miracles, believe in His power …’
‘I can believe in the devil and his power,’ said Ryūnosuke.
‘Then why do you refuse to believe in God? If you believe in the darkness, then surely you have to believe in the light, too?’
‘There is such a thing as darkness without light.’
‘Momentarily, yes,’ said Muroga. ‘But light always follows darkness. Just as day always follows night. Miraculously.’
‘I don’t believe in miracles,’ said Ryūnosuke. ‘Miracles of the devil, these days maybe, but even then I’m not so sure …’
‘Why do you only ever speak of the devil?’
Ryūnosuke fell silent for a while, staring up again at the crucifix on the wall, and then said, ‘Actually, I’ve just gone through the Sermon on the Mount again, and though I’ve read it many times before, I was struck with many new meanings which had hitherto escaped me, and it has inspired me to begin working on a new text of my own, on the Life of Christ …’
Muroga stood up, walked over to his ancient bookcase, took down a copy of the Holy Bible, handed it to Ryūnosuke and said, ‘Please take it.’
‘Thank you,’ said Ryūnosuke, ‘but I already have two copies.’
The old man smiled at Ryūnosuke and said, ‘You can never have too many copies of the Bible, you can never read the Bible enough. This is the Shin’yaku Seisho edition. It’s all in there, all very simple …’
‘Thank you,’ said Ryūnosuke again, this time accepting the Bible from Muroga, ‘and I promise you, I will read it again.’
‘Then please begin with the Gospel According to Mark.’
‘Why Mark,’ asked Ryūnosuke.
‘It is short, powerful, and contains all you need to believe.’
‘I will read it,’ said Ryūnosuke again.
Muroga reached over, holding Ryūnosuke’s hands and the Bible in them, and looking up into his eyes – his hands cold, his eyes empty, as one dead – he said, he pleaded and he begged, ‘But then please read it with your heart, Ryūnosuke, and then believe it in your soul …’
5. The Exit Wounds
In the house, in my study, I read the Bible, I read the Bible, over and over, again and again, I read the Bible, I read the Bible, then in my house, then in my study, I write, I
