"Uuumm... Lydia... sorry is that your name?" Alan asked.
"Yes."
"Well... it's true... I do feel like giving up. I don't want to live in this world. There's too much hatred and killing. I hate what I've seen so far. Isn't it just better to end it all?" he replied as he stared at me.
"What do you mean... end it?" I asked carefully, feeling slightly apprehensive at how this conversation was going.
"Nothing... I'm just being melodramatic." He answered looking down at the floor.
He avoided looking into my eyes as I tried to prompt him to explain.
"I hope you don't mean what you've just said, because we have kids here with us and I don't want them getting scared right now. Everyone seems to be coping, so I want you to try to feel better." I said.
"I understand." Alan replied.
"Hey... was it just your mum and dad who passed away?" I asked hoping it would help if he talked about it.
"No... my two younger sisters died from the virus and then they turned and bit mum and dad. Aiden came to my rescue just in time. He was so brave," he said.
I felt deeply for him. It couldn't have been that easy to lose all your family in one go. It must have knocked his confidence seeing that happen.
"I'm so sorry Alan. I really am... but please, if you feel like talking, at any time, then I want you to come to me. Okay?" I said softly.
"Yeah... sure... I will. I just feel so worn out and lost about the whole situation," he replied sadly.
"I know... I felt like that too, but then I realised something... I started to get angry about it and so, I focused that anger into killing the biters. Believe me... it helps to let off the strain you are feeling." I said hoping he understood.
"Biters? Is that what we are calling them now?" he answered.
"Yes." I said.
"Well... I can't do that... I'm terrified... I can't even look at those evil things or whatever they have turned into." Alan said.
"You have to try, because that's the only way we are going to survive. Please promise me you will try." I pleaded.
"Okay," he answered with a quiet whisper.
I was satisfied at least that he had listened to me, but something wasn't quite right with Alan. I knew it. I was hoping that he would come out of this deep, dark depression. Alan was grieving very badly. More than I had grieved. He looked like he was about to breakdown and cry. I hoped he did, so he could let it all out. I felt afraid for him and I hoped he didn't do something stupid.
We sat for a while in silence until Alan went to lay down on one of the overhead single beds in the sitting area. Ellie, Janice and the kids were all asleep now in the back. I was the only one awake. I wanted to keep watch just in case.
About an hour later, I saw some lights in the distance. I could see Tim and Joe on their way back, but where was Nick and Aiden? I couldn't see them.
They came into the caravan and I panicked.
"What’s happened? Where's Aiden and Nick?" I asked in a whisper, not wanting to wake the others.
I was shocked that they weren't with them and it made me panic. Joe sat down next to me. He looked worn out and at that point, I wondered if Aiden and Nick were dead.
11. Tim Sparks - The Castle
Joe, Aiden, Nick and myself headed down the field to the building in the distance. It was pitch black everywhere except for our torches that lit up the area in front of us.
I was feeling slightly out of it. I had been drinking too much alcohol lately. The strain of the last few hours had been hell for me and I didn't think I was on top form at the moment. Of course, I wanted to make it and be as helpful as I could for everyone's sake, but it was getting a whole lot more tedious to try and survive.
The reality of our frightful lives were at stake and somehow, we had survived it so far. It had been a nightmare and I knew it was only going to get worse. Would we survive it? I hoped so, because it would be hard to lose anyone now.
The group was getting bigger, but we all needed someone to talk to and it was a good thing there were others to rely on. I was careful too, not to let anyone see that I was drinking too much. I had noticed Lydia watching me at one point from the corner of my eye. She was the only one who had noticed so far, but she hadn't said a word. Joe knew what I was like and so did Ellie, but I didn't think that they were aware that I was drinking all the time. I was sure that they would not like it if they did.
We got closer to the huge fortress in the distance. I could see that it was indeed a castle. I knew that there were a few around Berkshire.
I hoped we would get inside and that it would be safe for us all to stay there, but I would not get my hopes up too quickly.
We approached the gates and saw that they were locked with a chain.
"They're locked." I said knowing somehow that they would be.
"Not for long." Joe said
