The lump in the back of my throat started to choke. “It feels like it though. I can’t do that to him.”
“I understand. I really do. We all loved Jamie. We all miss Jamie. But it’s been five years. You’re going through his list to try and move on, right?”
I nodded.
“The list is a good thing, you know I support you in that. But just marking off all Jamie’s check boxes isn’t going to be enough. At some point, you have to live for you too. That’s how you’re going to move on.”
“But I . . .” I wanted to move on, but I was scared to move on. As much as I wanted to be happy and let go of the past, I was terrified that I’d lose the piece of Jamie still in my heart.
“But what?”
I took a deep breath and confessed the worries that had kept me from sleeping last night. “What if I fall in love with another man and forget Jamie?”
She gave me a sad smile. “Do you really think that would ever happen?”
“No,” I sighed. “Not really. I’m just scared.”
“I get that. But I’m not saying jump into bed with Cole or have his babies. I’m just saying, you think he’s cute. From the look in his eye, he thinks you’re cute too. You two should spend some time being cute together.”
“Okay. I officially hate the word cute.”
“Me too.” She laughed. “So what do you say? Have dinner with him. Do it for me. Pleeeeease?”
I groaned. “Stop that. Now you sound like Kali.”
“Where do you think I learned it? She says ‘please’ so long and loud I always give in. Do you want me to do it again? I’ll do it again. Pleeeee—”
“Okay! Since I’m already making myself a sandwich, I’ll make him one too.”
“Yes!” she cheered before pulling me into her arms. “Love you, Poppy-bear.”
I smiled at the nickname she’d given me my freshman year in college. “Love you too, Molly-moo.”
“How about I finish up out there and close up? Then you guys can eat back here.”
I let her go. “All right. Will you give me a minute before you send him back?”
“I’ll give you two.”
As she disappeared from the kitchen, my hands came to my cheeks and I took a few long breaths.
Dinner. This was just dinner.
Dinner with an acquaintance at my new restaurant. Cole and I could chat and make small talk while we ate. Then he’d leave and I could get back to work. Dinner didn’t mean anything. I was still Jamie’s wife. I’d always be Jamie’s wife, and there was nothing wrong with me cooking a meal for Cole.
This is just dinner.
My affirmations helped ease my anxiety but didn’t erase it entirely. So I did the next best thing to settle my racing heart—I started cooking.
I dropped my hands and went to the large, stainless-steel refrigerator. Then I pulled out the ingredients for grilled cheese sandwiches, piling food on the prep table. I’d gathered all of my supplies when the door swung open and Cole stepped into the kitchen.
“I was told to get out of her dining room if I wanted food.”
I giggled. “She has a way with customers, that one.”
He smiled and stepped up to the prep table. “I can go if this is a pain in the ass. I really did just want to say hi and check out your place.”
“You’re hungry. I’m hungry. Making you dinner is not a pain in the ass. How about a grilled cheese? They aren’t on the menu, but I’ve been told they don’t suck.”
“Considering I haven’t eaten since ten this morning, I’d eat just about anything.”
“Busy day?”
He sighed. “Busy year. Bozeman’s growing so fast that we’re a little understaffed with senior officers. I made detective last summer and it’s been hectic ever since.”
“Is that why you don’t have to wear a uniform anymore?” I waved at his casual clothes. When I’d seen him five years ago, he’d been in uniform.
“Yeah.”
I nodded and started slicing a tomato.
“Can I help?”
“I’ve got this. You can just relax.” I pointed to the stools next to the table.
Cole took his seat and rested his elbows on the table. As I cut slices off a block of cheese, his tan, sinewy forearms were right in my line of sight. On one wrist sat a watch with a huge silver face. I bet my fingers wouldn’t touch if they took the place of his watch.
My eyes wandered up from his wrists and forearms to his biceps. Cole’s arms were big but not bulky. The muscles were just perfectly defined, even underneath the cotton of his shirt. My hand would look tiny resting on his arm. My cheeks flushed when I realized I’d been staring for a moment too long.
I blinked and looked down at the table, then up at Cole’s face.
Damn. He’d caught me staring. The smirk in his eyes was unmistakable, but I didn’t look away. His eyes were too . . . fascinating.
I’d never seen green eyes like Cole’s before. The color reminded me of dried sage, and his dark, thick lashes made them even more dramatic. His face drew you in with his chiseled jaw and straight nose, but those eyes were what made you stay.
My heart was pounding as I set down the knife, but I couldn’t break away from Cole’s eyes.
And he stared right back.
Molly came bursting through the kitchen door, making me jump. “All clean and locked up.”
I scrambled to pick up my knife, then blinked a few times before cutting a slice of bread. “Thank you. Would you like something to eat? I’m making your favorite sandwich.”
Stay. Molly, stay. I willed her to come to my rescue, to take the stool next to Cole and be my buffer, but she kept on walking toward the office.
“Can’t do it. My bathtub is calling my name. I’ll see you in the morning. Cole, nice meeting you.”
He waved. “Nice to meet you too.”
She disappeared into the office, then came back with her
