“What?” I didn’t know what made me smile more. That he thought Jamie’s list was cool or that he wanted to help. Regardless, I was beaming. “You’d really help?”
Cole’s eyes were sparkling again. “In a heartbeat.”
“Well? What do you think?” I asked.
The restaurant was clean and closed, and while we’d been prepping in the kitchen for tomorrow, I’d been telling Molly everything about my dinner with Cole.
“I don’t know.” She grabbed another tomato to chop for the salad jars. “Do you want his help?”
“Yes,” I admitted as I rolled out my piecrust.
Finn and Molly would help if I asked, but they each had so much on their plates already. And something about bringing Cole onboard felt . . . right. The instant he’d told me he’d help, a rush of confidence had spread through my veins. For the first time in weeks, I felt like this might actually happen. I might actually finish Jamie’s list by the end of the year.
“I think it’s a good thing.” Molly grinned. “If he’s willing, then take him up on his offer. And besides that, I think it’ll be good for you to spend some time with someone else. A man someone else.”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“I know. Your intentions are strictly platonic. But I also know that you’ve got the hots for the guy.”
“I don’t have—”
“And that scares you to death.”
Denial would be pointless so I stopped rolling the dough to tell her the truth. “So much. And it makes me feel guilty. So guilty.”
Molly set down her knife to look at me. “You have nothing to feel guilty about. Jamie would want you to be happy.”
“But I don’t want to forget him. Every day I feel like he’s slipping further and further away from me.” And every moment I spent with Cole, that slip happened faster and faster. Last night I’d broken down in tears because I couldn’t get the picture of Cole’s eyes out of my head. I’d ended up studying Jamie’s picture for an hour, trying to re-memorize his eyes and block out Cole’s.
But as much as I wanted to block him out, Cole Goodman was on my mind.
“Poppy, just because you find yourself attracted to another man doesn’t mean you’ll forget Jamie. It just means you’re letting him go. Wasn’t that what this whole list was about?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I just . . . it hurts.”
My heart had been in pieces since the night Jamie had been killed. It had taken every day of the last five years for the pain in my chest to fade to a dull ache. Still, it was there. And after every one of my interactions with Cole, that ache flared. Because when I was with Cole, I wasn’t remembering Jamie.
Cole made me forget the pain.
“I miss Jamie.” My voice cracked as the burn of tears hit my eyes. “I miss him every day. At the same time, I want to move on with my life. I know Jamie would be pissed that I’ve spent the last five years crying for him. But if I move on, who will remember him? All he has is his family and me to keep him alive.”
Molly rounded the table and pulled me into a hug. “Remember what you decided after Jamie died? How you’d get through?”
I nodded. “Minute by minute.”
After Jamie’s funeral, I’d spent months in bed. I’d sunk into a crippling depression, barely able to function on my own. Finally, Finn and Molly had gotten so worried that they’d flown my parents to town and staged an intervention. My parents had asked me to move home to Alaska, and I’d almost agreed, until Finn and Molly had announced they were pregnant with Kali. That was the first time I’d smiled after Jamie had died, and it had been my turning point. That day, I’d decided to stay so I could be here for Kali’s birth, and I’d decided to take life minute by minute. Some minutes were better than others, but it was the only way I’d been able to live a life without my husband.
Minute by minute.
“My advice is to take things with Cole minute by minute. Can you try that? And remember, you have to say yes.”
I smiled and hugged her tighter. “Yes. I’ll try.”
Molly’s phone rang on the table, interrupting our hug. I sniffled as she let me go, and swallowed the burn in my throat, determined not to cry.
“Hey,” Molly answered the call. “Okay, sure.”
She lifted the phone from her ear and held it out as Finn’s FaceTime request popped up on the screen.
“Hi, Mommy!” Kali’s little voice filled the kitchen.
“Hi, sweetie!” Molly beamed at her daughter. “How are you? You look so pretty and clean. Did you just have bath time?”
Kali nodded. “I’m in my bed too.”
“I’m so glad you called. Did you have fun at Daddy’s tonight?”
“Uh-huh.” She smiled and snuggled closer into Finn’s chest.
“Were they good?” Molly asked my brother.
“Yeah. Sorry, Max fell asleep early before we could call.”
“That’s okay.”
“Mommy? Is tomorrow a Daddy night or a Mommy night?”
“It’s a Mommy night.”
I pulled my top lip between my teeth to keep from speaking up. Mommy nights. Daddy nights. I wanted to scream at Finn and pound on the table until Molly and my brother realized what they were missing. They were throwing love away. I’d give anything to have Jamie back, and here they were, wasting a happy life because they were too stubborn to look past some mistakes.
But as always, I kept my mouth shut and went back to my piecrust.
“Say good night, Kali,” Finn ordered. “It’s late.”
Kali yawned. “Night night, Mommy.”
Molly blew her a kiss. “Night night, Kali bug. I love you.”
“Bye,” Finn muttered and ended the call.
Molly tossed the phone on the counter and braced her hands on the
