‘He’s definitely alive, you know. There’s no body, and that’s a good thing. If some foul play had occurred there would be a body by now. He’s out there somewhere.’ He said it very matter-of-factly and Lisbet was pleased. He wasn’t trying to console her, he really thought Reuben was out there somewhere. Lisbet watched the Inspector carefully. He wriggled uncomfortably in his seat, there was something else he had to say but he didn’t know how to say it, so she held Alice’s hand for strength and waited.
Eventually he said gently, ‘It’s not uncommon for the returned men — to do something like this.’
‘What about his friends?’ asked Doran. ‘Ah, Houston … or Haines.’
‘Holmes,’ said Alice. ‘His friend is Charlie Holmes.’
‘Surely he’s heard from him?’ said Doran.
Inspector Glover shook his head sadly. ‘We’ve spoken to him, sir.’
Lisbet got out her handkerchief to mop up the tears. Her heart was crying for her son, he could be anywhere out there, wandering the English countryside without food or shelter, lost in mind and body. She asked the only being she thought could ensure his safe and speedy return for assistance.
Alice sat at the huge dining table playing with the cutlery. Reuben had gone mad and deserted her, she was sure of it. He was never coming back. Resentment dug its roots into her veins and muscles. She tried to shoo away the pictures in her mind of what he was doing because whatever she imagined involved other women. He was off somewhere having a grand old time leaving her to deal with his family, the worry and the baby. Her face darkened.
‘He’ll be back. Reuben knows his duty,’ said Lisbet, bringing her back to the table.
Is that what I am, a duty? Alice wondered. As if Lisbet could see her thoughts, her mother-in-law said, ‘You lay in his bed, dear, and from the gossip I’ve heard it was quite a nice one.’
And aren’t I paying for it, thought Alice. She looked over to Ryan, who was standing against the wall but he didn’t meet her gaze. Alice hated the way he called her ma’am now instead of ‘young Alice’ like he had for most of her life. She and his daughter Jocelyn had been good friends. ‘Why do you call me ma’am?’ she’d asked when no one else was around. He said it wasn’t proper to call her anything else now she was a Rosenberg. But sometimes he would wink at her and they would find a private spot in the house and have a good yak and she would ask after his wife Marj and he would ask after her mother and father and they would gossip about all the village people and it would seem just as if they were both back in the village until someone interrupted them and she became ma’am again. Alice looked at Doran sitting at the head of the table, where he always sat. He looked hollow, as if everything inside him had drained away and all that was left was a shell. He had looked like this since the day the baby was born and Reuben had fled. Opposite her, Lisbet was holding up, thought Alice, like me, but that’s all we’re doing, just holding on waiting to see if he ever comes back.
Esther had made roasted squab pigeon, which she cooked every Monday and which Alice didn’t like, but first came the soup. Alice watched for Doran to give Ryan the nod he was ready to start the meal and there it came, so discreet you would miss it if you weren’t looking for it. Ryan didn’t nod back but acknowledged the nod by carrying the soup tureen towards the table. At the same moment Ryan stepped forward, Reuben burst through the doors. Ryan jumped. The lid fell off the tureen and clattered across the floor and under the table. Tomato soup sploshed into a red pond on the floor. Alice gasped and began to stand but Lisbet motioned for her to stay seated, so she plopped right back down. Lisbet was right, they shouldn’t overreact, they didn’t know his frame of mind. They should stay calm. So Alice bit her lip and watched as he strode across the room.
‘Father,’ he said, and nodded to Doran.
He kissed his mother on the cheek before making his way around to the other side of the table and kissing Alice’s lips. She was so surprised she pulled away. He hadn’t kissed her like that in many, many months. Pleased, she smiled at Lisbet, who mouthed, ‘I told you so.’
‘I hope you’re off to a fancy dress,’ said Doran.
‘Are you leaving again?’ gasped Alice. She wiped the kiss from her lips, rubbing hard. He disappears for weeks, months, then he turns up when he knows they would be eating and is promptly off to some party — and his next girl, no doubt! She should have noticed his clothes when he came in. Her belly was full of disappointment that she couldn’t rub away no matter how hard she rubbed.
Reuben smiled at them all and when he was sure he had their absolute attention he announced, ‘I have discussed it all with God, I have seen men’s souls and I have done enough killing. Now I have been called to save men and create God’s kingdom on earth.’
Doran laughed harshly — the camel’s back was broken.
‘Oh Reuben, I do hope you’re playacting,’ said Lisbet, her voice faltering.
‘No, he’s not!’ said Doran, slamming his hand on the table and making the cutlery jump. Alice flinched.
‘Look at him, for God’s sake! Look! He’s wearing a white dog collar and a black suit.’ Doran pointed at Reuben. ‘You’re in all seriousness, aren’t you, Reuben? You’ve converted! I knew it was coming when you shortened your name.’
Reuben nodded and sat down
