Beth’s thoughts drifted to Colin Eales and she absently twisted the engagement ring he had put on her finger a few weeks ago. ‘There you are, Beth,’ he’d said. ‘You’re mine good and proper now. Next year you and I are twenty-one and we’ll marry.’ He hadn’t asked her and he hadn’t waited for an answer, he’d just assumed they belonged together. Round and round she turned that ring while she thought of his needy kisses and the way the silly blighter would quickly peck her on the cheek over and over, trying to get the kissing done as quickly as possible so he could throw his hand down her blouse to grab hold of her breast. And when he did grab hold of her breast he held tight like he had just got the best toy and was going to hold on so the other boys didn’t come and take it. Sometimes he would get his other hand up her skirt and once he got that far she would give in and let him have what he wanted, which he would take quickly, as though he had to gulp her down before someone took her away. But more and more lately she would push him away and he would say, ‘But we’re engaged, Bethie.’
‘Engaged isn’t married,’ she’d say and walk back down the lane and stand where Nurse Drake could watch them through her window.
Beth’s thoughts travelled to Theo Hooley, and how he stood on the porch waiting patiently for Edie. For over five years that man had been waiting. How did he have such constancy? She wondered if his lovemaking would be slow and careful like his life. They said he could never find his words but he never had trouble finding a few choice words for her when he came to the door. He’d lecture her on her rudeness, or tell her she knew nothing about reading the clouds for a weather forecast, or that she should be more informed about what was going on in the world if she really cared about women’s rights as much as she claimed she did. Or he’d tell her of the punishment she’d receive if she was a digger in the army and tried that rudeness on a superior. But while he said all these things there was a curve to his lip and she didn’t know if he was serious or just teasing her.
Ass, she thought. But then she thought again of how long he had waited for Edie. Colin never waited for anything. Beth thought it was awful the way that Edie wouldn’t even walk out with Theo Hooley.
‘You could leave Gracie and your father to my care for an hour or so,’ she’d said, and Edie had replied, ‘I can’t possibly leave Gracie and Papa alone.’
I’d be here, thought Beth, feeling the bitterness she always felt when it was brought home to her that she wasn’t really family.
Then Edie said quietly, as though they were closer than any real sisters could be, ‘He doesn’t just want me for an hour or so, Beth — he wants me for life, and if I step out even once, I am saying yes to making my life with him. He and I both know that. But my life belongs with Papa and Gracie. It’s just the way it is. It’s just the way life has turned out and you and I both know why.’
Beth imagined she was Edie basking in Theo’s unfailing slow love. Sometimes she put a rose in its glass case under her bed so its magic could change her life and bring her something — she didn’t know what, but something else. Last night when the others had gone to bed she had carefully carried in a rose. She had chosen one that was smaller than the others, but redder. She unclipped the lid and sweet smells filled her head, then she placed the rose under her bed. She imagined the magic wafting up through the mattress, through the sheets and into her pores. And when she woke this morning she felt warm with sun coming through the window, and now she threw off the blanket and let the sun kiss her body sprawled on the bed. Drowsily she pulled her nightdress up over her legs, past her belly, and let it slide gently over her breasts and then she rose slightly so she could pull it over her head. Her body was smooth and fresh and the sun’s gentle touch on her skin warmed her just the right amount, making her feel golden and immortal. The sun, an old hand, knew what he was doing. First he gently warmed Beth’s hair until it shone, next he lulled her into sleepy laziness by warming her young face till her cheeks were pink, then he moved lower down and allowed his beams to tickle her nipples, warming them to little peaks. Slowly, slowly he rose higher in the sky and cast his warmth lower down on her body. The sun moved his heat now between her legs and she lifted her hips to soak up more of him. She moaned quietly, deliciously — no one suspected her and the sun except the rose under her bed. Its alchemy grew stronger in the warmth and its sweetness filled the room. The sun was clever, he could have taught Young Colin a thing or two. A smirk fell across his face and gently he caused the slightest cool breeze to blow in through the louvre windows and Beth was consumed by licks of fire that burnt her toes and fingertips.
A few minutes later the walls of her bedroom slowly came
