Beth walked back to the bed to lock up her case and with her back to Lilly she pushed one of the money cigarettes under her pillow for Lilly to find later.
Beth picked up her hat and put it on, she picked up her handbag and her case and kissed Lilly on the cheek and then she threw her arms around her and hugged her tight.
‘Go on, love,’ said Lilly. ‘You can’t stay here with me. It’s no life for a young girl.’
Beth linked her arm in Lilly’s and they walked silently to the gate. Then Beth walked down the street, past Missus Blackmarsh collecting her milk.
‘Where are you headed to, young lady?’ asked Missus Blackmarsh.
‘Away from small town gossip,’ said Beth and she walked on before Missus Blackmarsh could think of an answer. As she walked she could feel Lilly standing and watching her from the letterbox, and so many times she nearly turned back. But who would she be if she did? As she walked past the trees and buildings she had known all her life she didn’t think she was leaving forever, and she reminded herself that this wouldn’t be the last her town would see of her. She would just be a couple of hours away. She walked to Paul’s office in Dana Street to tell him she wouldn’t be coming to work today or any other day. She took a deep breath for courage because so much of her wanted to stay with everything that she knew and the people she loved. When she reached Paul’s office she almost jumped up the front steps and came to a standstill in front of Bert Johnson, who nodded over the counter to her.
‘Is he in his office?’ she asked.
Bert was fifty, too old to join the war. Paul’s six younger clerks had all signed up and gone. They knew Jensen wasn’t coming back; Georgie was, but with most of him missing, and Fred was coming back, too, but his mind wasn’t. The office felt empty to Beth, as if it was full of ghosts, not people. It had once been a flurry of busyness, constant chatter and bulging files bursting open and paper fluttering through the air like feathers as clerks hurriedly crashed into each other and tried to collect the papers up again before Paul noticed. Now there was only Bert and Archie, and Archie was even older than Bert and sat at a desk yelling down a phone.
‘You’re in luck,’ said Bert. ‘He’s only just arrived and hasn’t got anyone with him.’
She walked through to the back of the office and nodded at Archie on her way past.
Paul looked up from his desk. ‘Beth,’ he said and got up and pulled out a chair for her. His dignity and composure made Beth wish, as she often had, that he was her father.
He took the suitcase and put it in the corner without asking why she had it. He knows I’ll tell him when I’m ready, she thought. Then he took her hat and hung it on the hook next to his own.
She sat firmly in the chair so it could ground her to the earth. He perched on the edge of the desk in front of her and waited.
She realised she was going to have to speak first and said, ‘I’m going to Melbourne.’
He nodded, and she knew he understood why she had to leave.
‘I need a reference,’ she said.
‘Of course, Beth,’ he said. ‘You won’t have any trouble getting work. I hear that with the shortage of young men, women are being employed in all sorts of jobs now. I might have to employ a young woman myself,’ he smiled. ‘I doubt Archie can hear a word anyone says to him.’
He walked around his desk, pulled a sheet of letterhead from his desk drawer, sat down in his large leather chair and began writing. Beth looked out the stained-glass window and wondered who she would become in Melbourne.
Eventually he said, ‘That should do it,’ and put down his pen and gazed at her.
‘Will you say goodbye to Gracie and Edie for me? I don’t think …’
He came around the desk and put his hands on her shoulders. His eyes were kind and fatherly, and she couldn’t stop the tears any longer.
‘You’ve been part of our family, Beth, for twelve years or so. We will miss you and I am sure our paths will cross again,’ he said. ‘Don’t cry, dear.’
‘I’m only going to Melbourne,’ she whispered. ‘It’s just a train ride.’ She swallowed her tears.
‘So it is,’ he said. ‘But a different life and — a different Beth, I suspect.’
He walked back to the desk. ‘It’s dry now,’ and he folded the letter and reached in his drawer for an envelope. He slipped the reference in and handed it to her. Then he took her in his arms and hugged her.
‘Let me know who you become,’ he said.
He picked up her suitcase. ‘Well, come on then. Let’s get you to the station.’ He reached for her hat and put it on her head.
‘Johnson,’ he called as they went past the front counter, ‘I’m just taking Beth here to the station.’
They walked to the station in Lydiard Street and she asked him three times to make sure he said goodbye to Gracie and Edie.
When the train pulled in she hugged Paul again. ‘Tell Edie I’m sorry for everything,’ she whispered and she got on the train before he could answer. She watched from the doorway of the train as she was pulled away and he drifted out of sight until all she could see was the plume of steam from the train clouding over everything in her past. Then she found an empty carriage. She put her case on the seat and shut the door so she could be alone. She sat opposite the case and stared at
