Serena grinned at him and then fell serious as she remembered Mr Simon’s accusations. ‘Your brother assumes I’m trying to corrupt him.’ She glanced surreptitiously at Mr Xavier to gauge his response.
He frowned before he raised his face to hers, pausing with the rake. ‘Simon is protective of Uncle Ed. We all are.’
Serena searched his face, trying to understand. ‘But why does he need so much protection?’ The answer came to her as he opened his mouth to reply. ‘Don’t tell me. It’s the burden of his genius?’
Mr Xavier sighed as though a great weight rested on his shoulders. ‘There are people who take advantage of intelligence and creativity. Mother is always ranting about it—how people won’t understand his genius.’ He turned to her and a small smile turned the corners of his mouth. ‘If it’s any consolation, I don’t believe the same as Simon.’ Colour infused his cheeks again as he looked away and continued his work, the rake scraping against the floor.
‘It is a relief to know I have one friend around here.’ She demurred then, realising the bold nature of her statement. ‘That is, if I may call you a friend?’
He faced her once again with earnest conviction in his eyes. ‘Yes, you can. If you ever need anything—help, or even someone to talk to—please remember I am here.’
‘Thank you for that. It is nice to know. May I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’
‘Do you remember much of your grandparents? I only ask because Mr King mentioned them last night, and it sounded like they were good people.’
‘He did?’ His eyebrows went up. ‘He doesn’t often talk of them. But, yes they were good sorts. Grandmama always had sweets hidden away for us, while pretending she was very strict. Grandpapa was much like Uncle Ed—generous, playful, energetic. He would talk to us for hours, and take us on outrageous adventures. That was when he was home. He would be away on business at times. But it was a happy home, to be sure.’
‘What happened to them?’
Mr Xavier’s eyes shuttered. ‘Grandpapa died in a tragic accident. Grandmama died soon after. They said she had a broken heart.’
‘It must have been a terrible time for you all.’ Serena’s heart swelled with compassion.
‘Yes, I think that is partly why Mother is so protective now.’ He looked aside. ‘But I should not be speaking like that. It is not my place to speak of her so. I’m sorry.’
‘It is well, Mr Xavier,’ Serena reached out to touch his forearm. ‘I’ll not broadcast what you have said.’
‘Thank you, Miss Bellingham,’ he seemed relieved. ‘I should be getting back to cleaning these stables though.’
For a moment, she suspected he had more to say, but instead he shrugged and continued working.
Before she turned to leave, Serena wanted to accomplish one more thing. ‘If the weather remains fair, I will go walking on the shore on Sunday. Might you be free to accompany me?’ Mr Xavier showed signs he might find her pleasing, but he showed many more signs that he was too shy to act.
His head lifted again at her request. ‘Certainly. If you wish. As I said—’
‘You’re here to help if I need it. Yes. Thank you again.’ Well, if he was determined to make nothing more of it than that, so be it, but she would enjoy his companionship nonetheless.
14
Friday 20th May, 1842
For the briefest of moments I held her. She fit in my arms like the final stroke of an artist’s brush, or the last tile in a mosaic—snug and perfect. Oh, the softness of her hair against my chin. I wanted to bury my face in its lemon-scented loveliness.
Simon has not spoken two words to me since this morning. And Judith—her face mottled when I lifted Miss Bellingham from the curricle and carried her to her room.
Can I not do anything without her hovering, fretting, fussing over whether I will tarnish her good name forever? It is only me who bears the curse.
No-one can know, Eddie. No-one can know.
I acknowledge my family care for me and it feels good to have their devotion. But they care so much I cannot breathe. Like being in a trap of sorts. But Serena, her family love her enough to let her go.
15
After Sunday’s breakfast and a delicious pastry Becker had made—he had surpassed the challenge—Serena sought Mr Xavier for his promised escort to the beach. As she strolled toward the stables, her mind travelled—as it often did—to Mr King. She had not seen him since their all-night escapade and wondered if his determination to avoid her matched her own. To be honest, she was disappointed she had not met him in the halls, or that he hadn’t joined the family at mealtimes. Nor had he accosted her out of doors anywhere. Why should that make her feel deflated? To see scorn in his face after falling asleep on his shoulder would be humiliating. And yet, part of her wanted to see him despite the embarrassment.
Serena groaned. This obsession with Mr King needed to stop. His position, intellect, status in society, why, everything about him far exceeded her. And then there was the problem of his judgement of her and Papa.
Mr Xavier was more her equal, and that is who she must focus on now. Serena quickened her steps to the horse yards, eyes searching for the groom. There he was, in one of the smaller enclosures, hand feeding a young roan foal. He had told the family that the horse’s health had declined since being weaned from its mother and Mr Xavier worried for the foal.
‘Is the young fellow faring better?’ Serena said by way of greeting.
Mr Xavier
