“Papa!”
“Poppy! Do you wish to be responsible for my death?”
“That’s ridiculous,” said Poppy, and she turned to go.
“There’s one more thing,” Lungwort called.
“Yes, Papa,” said a tired Poppy.
“Your son told me that you’ve become friends with a porcupine.”
“His name is Ereth. He’s a wonderful friend.”
“That speaks poorly of you. I didn’t raise you up to like porcupines. They are not to be trusted. They are destructive creatures. They eat mice.”
“Nonsense. Porcupines do not eat mice, or any other creature. Ereth eats tree bark and, if he can find it, salt. And, Papa, Ereth wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
“It’s you who are mistaken,” insisted Lungwort. “Don’t you dare bring him here.”
“I wish I could. Unfortunately I already told him not to come.”
“I shall hold you to that,” said Lungwort, collapsing into a coughing fit. “Tell Lilly I’m out of pine seeds.”
Poppy, unable to think of anything more to say, left the boot. It’s time to go home, she decided.
CHAPTER 30
An E-mail
Subject: Old Lamout Farmhouse
Thanks for your report about the old Lamout place. Sounds like an easy job. I suggest you go right back and knock it down. Today. Just make sure you crush it all into small enough bits so it can be hauled away easily.
Thanks,
Derrida Deconstruction Co.
CHAPTER 31
The Bulldozer
IT’S SO BIG!” said Mephitis, his bushy tail twitching as he stared up at the towering bulldozer. He was standing between Ereth and Junior. With them were Laurel and Pine, who were also gazing up at the machine.
“Horsefly hockey,” muttered Ereth. “Trees are a lot bigger.”
“Yeah, right,” said Junior. “Only trees stay put. This monster moves. I saw it. It was wicked scary.”
Mephitis looked over his shoulder at Gray House. “Is it really going to knock the house down?”
“Everyone says so,” said Pine.
“I wish they would just find a new house,” added Laurel. “It’s so crowded here. No one likes it.”
“Long as Poppy gets back to the snag,” muttered Ereth, “I don’t care.”
“Come on, Uncle Ereth,” said Junior. “What are you so worried about? No way is Mama going to stay here.”
“Lungwort said she would,” said Laurel.
“Lungwort is just a potted pilgarlic,” said Ereth.
Pine started to laugh.
“He does talk a lot,” agreed Laurel.
“Maybe,” said Ereth, “I need to go and give him a piece of my tail.”
“Maybe,” said Junior, still staring up at the bulldozer, “we need to figure out this thing first.”
“I could lay down some stink all over it,” said Mephitis. “Think that might help?”
“It would be better,” said Pine, “if you gave us some stink.”
“Yeah,” agreed Laurel. “That’s what we need.”
“Livid crab licorice,” said Ereth, looking around at the two mice. “Do you really want that smell?”
“Then we’d be just like Junior,” said Pine.
“Doing the stinky red,” Laurel explained.
Junior belched his approval.
“Wow! You are so amazing,” said Laurel. “I hope you teach us that, too.”
“You really want my stink?” the skunk asked the mice.
“Sure do!” the mice chorused.
“Stand over there,” said Mephitis.
“I don’t want any part of this,” muttered Ereth. He stood up on his hind legs, grabbed hold of the bulldozer treads, and pulled himself up. At the same time the two mice ran off a few paces and, with their backs toward Mephitis, called, “Ready!”
“Keep your eyes closed!” the skunk ordered. When they did, he turned, stood up on his forepaws, aimed his backside at the mice, and blew out a cloud of stink that settled over them.
Giggling, the two mice rubbed themselves all over. Then Laurel sniffed Pine even as Pine sniffed Laurel. “That’s wicked wild!” cried Pine.
“Yes,” cried Laurel. “The stinky red!”
“Yo, dude,” cried a laughing Junior. “Now you’re just like me. All you have to do is learn to belch.”
“Later,” said Laurel. “Come on,” she said to Pine. “I know some of my cousins who’ll want to do the stinky red, too!”
The two mice ran off.
Junior climbed up onto the bulldozer. “Hey,” he called to Mephitis, “come on up here. Maybe we can find a way to take this thing apart.”
“I think you should leave it alone,” said Ereth as the skunk crawled up the bulldozer to join them.
“Just saying we should try and fix it so it won’t move,” said Junior.
“I told you,” said the porcupine, “I want them to knock the house down.”
“Uncle Ereth, that’s so dumb!” said Junior. “If they knock the house down, Ma’s whole family will move into Dimwood Forest! You want Aunt Lilly for a neighbor?”
“Barking doggerols,” cried Ereth. “I never thought of that! All right, let’s take this thing apart!” He scampered into the cab.
All three sniffed about, trying to make sense of the pedals and levers.
“Too much metal,” announced Ereth. “There’s nothing to chew.”
“Hey,” said Junior, “what’s all this stuff?” Reaching up, he grasped a lever and tried to pull it. He wasn’t big or strong enough to make it budge.
Ereth continued to search and sniff about. Suddenly he sat up. “Salt,” he cried out. “I smell salt!” Beginning to drool, the porcupine hastily hauled himself up to the driver’s seat. He inhaled deeply, leaned out, and put his nose to a handle. “Chipped caterpillar custard! There’s salt here,” he announced, and started to lick it.
“How did it get there?” Junior asked.
“Human sweat,” Ereth managed to say between slobbers. “It’s the only good thing about them.”
Mephitis, meanwhile, caught sight of the dangling chain that was attached to the engine key. He pulled at it, but it didn’t move.
“Hey! Let me help you,” called Junior. He grabbed hold of the chain and hauled himself up, kicking his rear legs as he went. Once he got to the key, he tried to pull it out. It would not move.
“Try twisting it,” suggested Mephitis.
Junior reached around the key with his forepaws and hugged it, flattening his whole body to it. Then he kicked up again while waving his tail. He
