“Well, I know I can jump it,” said Pierce Stone, “and probably Andrius too, because he has those long Lithuanian legs. But I don’t know about you bozos. You’re on your own.”
Paxton was not okay with this answer and grabbed Pierce Stone by the shirt collar, which brought a smile to my face. “You brought us all the way out here and you’re just going to leave? Nuh-uh. No way. You’re going to carry me across this brook if you have to. I’m going to see Hell.”
“Jeez, alright. Let go of me… dumbass. I think I know a way across. Follow me.”
Pierce Stone led us along the side of the brook and up through the woods until the cave was out of sight. I was tired and sweaty and really just wanted to play kickball (I still hadn’t forgiven Paxton for his deception). I didn’t care about Hell anymore. I knew Karl and I could always come back to the woods, maybe with Tony and George, and the four of us could go to Hell together. But right before I was going to call it quits and walk back home with Karl, Pierce Stone shouted from up ahead and pointed to a convenient little wooden bridge that traversed the brook where the stream became narrow.
“Ya see there? I told you I knew where I was going!”
Paxton sprinted up to the bridge and crossed it without checking first; Pierce Stone, Lenny, and Andrius followed. I asked Karl if he definitely wanted to do this, putting him in the position to opt out of the voyage and allow me to save face. But he didn’t catch the hint, so we marched across the bridge, too.
We reached the cave, which seemed narrower than it had from across the brook, and stood outside of it, waiting for someone to take the lead. I would’ve assumed it would be Pierce Stone, but I caught him inching back as Paxton tossed a few pebbles into the black unknown.
“Ya think the Devil is actually in there?” asked Lenny.
“It seem quite small,” said Andrius.
“Oh, of course!” shouted Pierce Stone. “We need a key. I remember my brother telling me you need a key for the gates of Hell.”
“Where the heck are we going to find that?” asked Paxton, growing more impatient.
“It’s probably under one of these rocks,” said Lenny.
“I bet it’s black with a skull on it or something,” added Paxton.
“Okay, you flip ’em then,” said Pierce Stone.
The six of us began flipping stones at will, tossing some of them into the brook. I chose a big gray one with moss growing on the side. I knew I could flip it myself, but when I bent down to grab it, Pierce Stone knocked me away. “You can’t handle that, Ferraro. I got it.” He bent down and lifted the rock, but before he could toss it into the brook, he stumbled back and started muttering and mumbling something unintelligible.
In the crater of dirt, a swirling snake uncoiled itself and popped out its black tongue. Pierce Stone dropped the rock and froze. When Paxton and Lenny saw the snake’s head, they sprinted back toward the bridge. Andrius cleared the brook with his long, Lithuanian legs—he didn’t even get wet. I backpedaled but tripped on a root sticking out of the soil like a knuckle. My head slammed into the dirt. My vision blurred, like I was looking through a kaleidoscope—I felt drowsy. I tucked my chin into my chest and saw the serpent slithering over the dead leaves of autumn. I remember thinking that perhaps this was the Devil. We’d talked about the snake and fruit and Adam and Eve in CCD class, but this snake wasn’t speaking.
I shuffled backward, crouched in a crab position, sweating and panting and crying—I will admit it, I was crying. “Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!” I managed to get out, but the snake didn’t listen. I could see Pierce Stone still frozen in my periphery. I blindly searched for a weapon. I knew we should’ve brought weapons. And right when I was getting my feet ready to do battle with the serpent, Karl’s staff came crashing down onto the beast’s head, splattering brain matter onto the dirt.
“Fatality,” he said in a deep, dramatic voice as he looked down at his kill.
I caught my breath and got up from the ground. Pierce Stone’s eyes had glossed over and he still hadn’t moved. He had a giant dark spot in his crotch that was expanding down his khakis.
Karl lifted up his staff and asked if I was okay. I brushed the dirt from my pants and wiped the tears from my cheek. “Yeah. Thanks, Karl.” Karl, unfazed, spun the stick around in his hands, making battle sounds with his mouth. “Let’s go home.”
I passed Pierce Stone, who still hadn’t blinked, and walked back to West Road with Karl, my champion.
I didn’t tell my parents about the woods. When I got home, I rushed past my father in his Lay-Z-Boy recliner, sipping a beer in his underwear, and tossed my dirty clothes in the hamper. By the time I snuck into the bathroom, I had gotten so tired that I sat down to tinkle. There was a knock on the door.
“Vic? Are you in there?”
“Yeah, Tony, you can come in.”
He walked in wearing his custom team Miami Dolphins #22 jersey that had “Ferraro” on the back.
“Why are you sitting to tinkle? That’s how girls tinkle.”
“Did you know that girls don’t tinkle out of their butts?”
“Duh, everyone knows that, Vic.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me? You always tell me the things I need to know, Tony.”
“Okay, I’m sorry… Wait, why? Was that kid picking on you again?”
“No… not about this.”
Tony knew all about Pierce Stone. He caught me crying in my room one night after Pierce Stone said I had too much arm hair.
Starting from right above my elbow, a dark,
