“Good luck tonight,” Darcy said as I accepted the tests.
“Thanks.” I kept one copy, handed the rest to Becca, and set right to work. When I got to the third question, I reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear—but not in a nervous way. I kept my hand there a long time, until Becca realized that my paper was exposed. I glanced to her, saw her questioning look, and gave a subtle nod.
She began to copy, eyes darting and hand flying, and we fell into a pattern: me racing ahead and Becca playing catch-up whenever I would adjust my hair.
Too bad all of the answers I gave her were wrong.
Too bad we’d have identical failing exams, which would probably land us both on academic probation in our crucial senior years. Maybe we’d both fail the whole class.
A part of me wanted to look back to see if Tristen saw me cheating. I wondered what he would think if he noticed. But I didn’t check, because I had a feeling that he wasn’t bothering to look at me at all, and that would have been even worse than his disapproval.
“Time’s up,” Mr. Messerschmidt eventually called.
We handed in our papers, and I smiled at Becca as we left the room, telling her, “I hope that repays the favor you did me. I hope we’re even now.”
Chapter 86
Jill
“READY?” MR. MESSERSCHMIDT asked, one hand on the top of his car’s open trunk.
I double checked the contents, making sure everything we needed was inside. The display I’d designed, the box with all the papers, the chemicals we’d need for our demonstration, and some of the rats that had shown reactions to variations of the formula. “Do you think they’ll be okay?” I asked Tristen.
“It’s less than an hour’s ride,” he said, shrugging. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”
“Maybe we should keep them up front.”
“They’re rats,” he pointed out. “Who cares if they’re comfortable?”
But I’d seen him stroke the animals and worry over them . . . Was he growing cold to everything?
“Just get in the car, Jill,” Tristen said, preempting Mr. Messerschmidt by slamming the trunk shut. “Please.”
I wondered then if he hated me. Or if he was beyond caring after what I’d said. Maybe I was like a rat in his eyes. A creature beneath concern or consideration.
I crawled into the back seat, Tristen and Mr. Messerschmidt got in the front, and we headed to the University of the Sciences in Philadelphia.
I stared out the window at the passing traffic, one hand in the pocket of my best wool coat, the one I’d worn to my dad’s funeral, my fingers caressing the vial that contained what was left of the formula.
Chapter 87
Jill
THE ASTRAZENECA AUDITORIUM at the University of the Sciences was already crowded when we got there, and I got nervous just looking around at the students and teachers and parents who were lugging in plastic bins filled with their presentation materials.
Soon I would have to stand on stage in front of all those people, some of the top science students in the nation, and Darcy Gray, who’d laugh at how my voice would quiver like it always did when I spoke in public.
“Come on, Jill,” Tristen said, nodding for me to follow him. He held the carrier full of rats. “Let’s go.”
“I . . . I . . .” I hung back.
“Jill, you’re second on the program,” Mr. Messerschmidt noted. “You should probably get backstage and set up.”
I looked to Tristen, wanting to tell him that I was scared. I wanted to lean on him and borrow his strength. But his eyes were neutral, and he didn’t encourage me.
“You go ahead,” I said. “I need to use the restroom.”
“Fine,” Tristen agreed. “You’re the boss.”
I watched him lead Mr. Messerschmidt through the crowded aisle toward the stage. He was taller than most of the teachers, even, and I easily followed his progress. Even in a new setting where he didn’t know anybody, and although his injuries didn’t look as ominous anymore, people seemed to part and make way for Tristen Hyde. I didn’t think they were picking up on some menace that lurked inside of him. I thought they just instinctively recognized that he was special somehow.
How could I have thrown him away?
I turned away, scanning the auditorium for a restroom. Seeing a sign, I began to thread my way through the increasing throngs—with increasing panic.
I was going to freak out. Darcy would laugh at me, mercilessly, as she accepted her check for thirty thousand dollars.
I touched the vial in my pocket with sweaty fingers.
The evening didn’t have to end so badly, though. I knew somebody who was bold. Somebody not afraid to steal, or go to parties. Somebody who would probably love to be on stage with all eyes on her and who could win the money. And what, really, did I have to lose by summoning my alter ego one last time? I’d already lost Tristen, and maybe my virtue, at a party I couldn’t recall, and I was about to be humiliated, anyway. Wouldn’t it be better not even to remember?
But it wasn’t just stage fright that made me reach again for the vial, as I stepped inside the ladies’ room. If I had been honest, I would have admitted that it was my inability to live one more second with myself.
I’d destroyed my one chance at love. Becca had handed me the hatchet, but I was the one who’d hacked to pieces my relationship with Tristen.
Maybe I just wanted to drink the formula, too. Just plain wanted to do it, and everything else was just an excuse.
I hurried toward a stall and was just about to step inside when somebody spoke to me.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t half the losing team of Jekel and Hyde!”
Chapter 88
Jill
“WHAT ARE YOU doing here, Darcy?” I blurted, fingers curling around the vial in my pocket.
I realized the question
