We’re silent on the drive over to Sylvia’s, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts. The tension in the car is like an elastic band, stretched to the max. Paloma has coped so well with the death of her adoptive parents. She so deserves to find her birth mum. I send up a silent prayer that this story has a happy ending. What if her birth mum doesn’t want to be found?
I sneak a glance at Paloma. Her hands grip the steering wheel and there are spots of bright colour in her cheeks. If I’m thinking these thoughts, I can’t imagine what’s going round in her head right now.
She parks outside Sylvia’s house, switches off the engine and takes a deep breath in then releases the air very slowly. Turning to me, she says, ‘I’ll be back soon.’
I hold up two sets of crossed fingers. ‘Good luck!’
She nods and disappears. I watch her walk up Sylvia’s garden path, my heart beating fast, hoping …
I must have been sitting there about five minutes when someone taps gently on the window. Turning, I see Jason bending to look in at me. Grinning, he makes a winding-down-the-window gesture.
‘Hi,’ he says. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Oh, just waiting for Paloma. She’s – er – in there at her friend’s.’ I point at the house.
He nods and looks about to say something then stops.
‘Thanks for coming when I phoned the other night,’ I say. ‘I didn’t realise Theo was going to arrive, otherwise I wouldn’t …’
‘Hey, you can call me any time. You know that, don’t you?’
His eyes burn into mine and I nod, knowing he means it.
He sighs. ‘Look, if there’s something going on between you and Theo Steel, I’ll just walk away and be happy for you.’ He grimaces. ‘I’ll try, anyway. But if you’re free and you’d like to have dinner with me … ?’ He shrugs, looking so vulnerable and nervous, my heart contracts.
Dinner with Jason?
‘Just for old time’s sake?’ he says, seeing my hesitation. ‘Or are you and Theo … ?’
I shake my head firmly. ‘There’s nothing whatsoever going on between me and Theo. But what about Lucy? I don’t think she’d like it if we dined out together.’
He shrugs. ‘It doesn’t matter what Lucy thinks any more. We’re over. For good.’
‘Really?’ I stare at him, shocked. I’d thought they were just having a break from each other …
He nods. ‘I should have broken it off a long time ago. We were never really right for each other.’ He smiles sadly. ‘If I’m honest, it was a bit of a rebound thing after you left for uni.’
‘Well, it’s certainly lasted a long time. There must have been something there.’
Reluctantly, he nods. ‘I suppose. She can be a horror, I know, but she was always good to me.’
‘Except when she was bossing you around?’
He looks sheepish. ‘I got used to that. Water off a duck’s back.’
‘You’re too easy-going for your own good sometimes,’ I tell him with an affectionate smile.
‘So is that a yes to dinner?’
I look up into his hopeful brown eyes and a warm feeling spreads through me. ‘Okay. Let’s do it. For old time’s sake.’
He nods, looking pleased. ‘I’m away on business next week, but as soon as I get back, I’ll phone you.’ He straightens up and raises his hand, and as I watch him walk away, a torrent of emotion rushes through me. Jason was my first real love. Actually, my only real love. But it was all so long ago.
Is it ever wise to turn back the clock?
What would love be like for us the second time around?
I watch Jason until he disappears, leaning back in my seat, trying to make sense of my feelings.
A movement to my left catches my attention. Paloma is walking quickly along the garden path towards me. She’s looking down so I can’t see her expression.
Please let it be good news …
I turn in my seat as she gets in. But one look at her tear-stained face tells me it’s not the news she was hoping for. Without even looking at me, she starts the engine and we move off.
‘What happened, love?’ I ask gently, wishing she’d stop the car and tell me. But she doesn’t reply; she just carries on driving, an awful dead look in her eyes, dashing away the tears as they roll down her face.
We draw up outside Honey Cottage and she turns to me at last, her face white as a ghost’s. ‘Mum died.’ She shrugs helplessly, staring at me as if there might be something I can say to prove her wrong.
‘Oh, Paloma. Really? Oh, God, I’m so sorry.’ I reach over and try to hug her, but her body is rigid. She must be in shock. ‘Look, come in and we can talk about it. I’ll make some tea. Or something stronger? A brandy? I think Mum’s got some in the cabinet.’
I’m talking too much, not really knowing what to say, and Paloma is just sitting there, bolt upright, her head in another space altogether.
She turns as if she’s just realised I’m there. ‘I’m all right. I’ll just go home if it’s okay with you.’
‘Of course it’s okay.’ I press her hand. It feels icy cold. ‘But are you sure you want to be alone?’
She nods, attempting a smile. ‘I’ll be fine.’
There are so many questions I want to ask her, but I can’t. Not until she’s ready to talk about it.
After I get out, I lean back in. ‘Look, if you need anything, you just pick up the phone and I’ll be right over, okay?’
She nods, her hands on the steering wheel, holding it together. ‘Thank you, Twi. I’ll phone you.’
Watching her drive off, I feel helpless and absolutely gutted for her. I have an awful feeling she’ll break down completely the instant she’s alone.
Chapter 28
I drag through the next few days, crushed that the treehouse café is now unlikely to become a reality, and increasingly worried about Paloma.
I resist the impulse to go and knock on
