She shrugs. ‘Well, he didn’t actually march me along to a doctor and demand he get me an appointment at the abortion clinic. But he made it very clear he thought it was a bad idea me having the baby.’
‘You … you were only sixteen.’
She sneers. ‘I might have known you’d take his side.’
I shake my head. ‘I’m not taking sides. It’s just really sad.’
‘Tell me about it!’ she yells. ‘The night you and Jason were having such a lovely time together at the school leavers’ ball, I was in hospital having his baby surgically removed from my womb!’
My head is reeling with shock. We stare at each other, rain streaming down our faces.
It feels so surreal, having this conversation with Lucy while the storm rages around us. I know instinctively that she’s telling the truth. I can see it in her face. And I feel such a fool for thinking of Jason in such glowing terms all these years. When I was a teenager, I thought he was Mr Perfect, and that never really changed, even when we went our separate ways. They say love makes you blind. Well, he certainly pulled the wool over my eyes about his involvement with Lucy.
I remember the time in the treehouse before the ball, telling Paloma I thought Jason was going off me. I’d been right in a way. He’d obviously had his fling with Lucy and was feeling really guilty about everything. Guilty over her. And guilty over me.
‘Christ, I’m sorry, Lucy.’ I feel genuinely bad for her. For the way she was treated by Jason, who obviously found himself torn between the two of us. He chose me and that must have crucified Lucy. I can almost understand why she must hate me. She probably blames me for losing her baby.
Yet she’s forgiven Jason. She still loves him.
‘If it weren’t for you,’ she yells, ‘Jason would probably have stayed with me after I got pregnant. I’d have had the baby. Our baby. He would have been thirteen now. A teenager.’
‘You knew it was a boy?’
Her shoulders slump. ‘No. I just always feel it was a boy. A boy who looked just like Jason.’
My heart lurches at her agonised expression. ‘You – you can have more babies.’
‘Well, it hasn’t happened so far, has it?’ Her chin wobbles with emotion. ‘Maybe that was my one and only chance to be a mother.’
I shake my head, feeling – against all the odds – incredibly sad for her.
Lucy says stiffly, ‘Can I get in my car now, please?’
I let go of the handle.
We exchange a look. It’s as if all the anger between us has burned itself out, leaving just an aching sadness.
Lucy’s face suddenly crumples with emotion. She jerks open the car door, gets in and drives away, crashing the gears as she rounds a bend and disappears from view.
I walk home, shivering and drenched to the skin, my head whirling with everything she told me. So much grief and bitterness. And yet she still loves Jason. It’s hard to understand, yet the conclusion I finally draw is that at least they have each other, for better or for worse …
Back home, I stand under a hot shower for a long time, thinking about the past and how cruel people can be to each other. And marvelling at how I’d placed Jason on a pedestal, thinking of him as the perfect man, only to have the scales fall from my eyes so completely after what Lucy told me.
As I’m getting out of the shower, my mobile rings.
It’s Mum and she can hardly get her words out. My heart starts beating fast. Is it bad news?
In the end, I say, ‘Slow down, Mum. I can’t hear what you’re saying.’
‘It’s your dad.’ Her voice sounds all breathy. ‘We’ve just talked to the consultant and the tumour has shrunk.’ She laughs. ‘Can you believe it? The consultant, Mr Hobbs, never smiles. But he did today and that’s how I knew it was good news, even before he said anything …’
Mum chatters on and I stand there with no clothes on in the middle of my bedroom, listening to her in disbelief, with happy tears running down my face. Then I realise the curtains are open and the bedside lamp is on and Mrs Savage from over the road can probably see me in all my glory, so I dash to swish them shut.
After I’ve ended the call, I dance around the room, still entirely naked. My heart feels as if it’s expanded to twice the size. I really need to see Paloma to tell her everything that’s happened tonight! I’d decided not to bother crashing her meeting at the pub. But now, I can’t wait to see her to tell her my great news …
*****
I feel a bit silly lurking in the bushes round the back of The Three Blackbirds. But I’m actually burning with curiosity to see Paloma and Jake together.
It’s five minutes to eight; she should be along any minute. Paloma is always punctual for business meetings – not that I believe she’s meeting a client, despite what she told me.
I’m close to the pub’s back entrance, which everyone tends to use, I guess because it leads straight from the car park. Paloma will be on foot, but old habits die hard. Also, Jake will have transport, having driven up from the south coast.
I hear a familiar laugh and Paloma appears round the corner of the building. She’s on her phone and instead of walking straight into the pub, she lingers outside while she waits for the person on the other end of the phone to answer. I hold my breath. She’s standing only ten yards from my hiding place.
The person takes his time answering. But eventually I hear her say, ‘Hello, you! Are you on your way?’ Her voice sounds seductive, intimate. The way you sound when you absolutely can’t wait to see him.
The way you sound when you’re newly in love,
