“I—I thought by now that Stevie would have taken to me, if only because he loves animals,” Leah admitted with a hitch in her voice. “Sometimes he seems so scared when he looks at me, I’ve wondered if the girls have been telling him things that make him afraid to come near me. I—I hate to dump all this stuff on you, Jude, because none of it’s your fault,” she continued as desperation overrode her rational thought. “Maybe I should just go back home, because I certainly don’t belong here. I—I can’t take any more of this!”
Leah froze. What had possessed her to say such hurtful words—words that would offend and anger a lot of men she knew? From childhood, she’d understood that a wife was to submit to her husband’s ways and to fit into the home he’d provided for her, and Jude would surely think she was ungrateful. Maybe he even believed she was lying about—or at least overstating—Alice and Adeline’s rude behavior.
Leah lay absolutely still, preparing her heart for whatever Jude said or did to her next. Then, despite her fear of angering him, she burst into tears again.
* * *
Jude fought the urge to haul his daughters out of bed and demand an immediate explanation—but their denial would do nothing to console the heartbroken woman who sobbed in his arms. He wasn’t surprised about Alice and Adeline’s negative attitude, because he’d seen the glint of ridicule in their eyes when they’d been around Leah during his courtship—and at the wedding. He’d assumed the twins were still missing their mother, at a time when their hormones were making them a little crazy anyway, and that they would eventually grow out of this phase.
But he was stunned by the name they’d called Leah, and mortified about what his new wife had endured after he’d left the house each weekday to work at the auction barn.
“Leah, I wish you’d told me about this when Alice and Adeline first began acting out,” he repeated with a sigh. “My girls pretend they’re perfect angels when other folks are watching. I’ve suspected they were slipping away when my back—or my mother’s back—was turned, but I—”
“Oh, it’s become much more obvious now,” Leah interrupted with a shaky laugh. “By the time you’ve driven to the road after breakfast, they’ve changed into English clothes and off they go in their buggy. When I warn them about the trouble they might find, they laugh in my face. They tell me they have no reason to pay attention to me because I’ll never be their mamm.”
Jude closed his eyes, wishing he weren’t able to imagine his teenage daughters’ scornful tone of voice and facial expressions as they taunted Leah. It was his job to correct such behavior—spare the rod and spoil the child was the Old Order mind-set when it came to dealing with disobedience, even though he’d never spanked his girls. Now they were of an age for corporal punishment to be inappropriate....
“I confess that I’m at a loss when it comes to dealing with teenage girls,” he admitted with a sigh. “I wish I could’ve nipped this nasty behavior in the bud—so we could’ve stood together to deal with the girls before their name-calling hurt you so badly.”
Leah exhaled softly, wiping her tear-streaked face with the top of the sheet. “I . . . I should have told you these things sooner, but I was afraid you’d think I was as spineless and incapable of being your children’s mamm as they think I am,” she said with a little sob. “Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a mother. Maybe—”
“I don’t believe that,” Jude whispered as he desperately hugged Leah closer. “Nobody’s born knowing how to be a gut parent—and unfortunately, kids don’t arrive with an instruction manual. Frieda and I walked the floors and prayed our hearts out time and again over the years, trying to raise Stevie and the girls right. I can see now that I depended too much upon Frieda to raise them.”
He sighed loudly, feeling as inept as Leah apparently felt. “Why have I been so clueless about Alice and Adeline’s bad attitude and how deeply they’ve hurt you?” he asked as she muffled her sobs against him.
As Jude tried to comfort Leah, a harsh realization made him suck in his breath. Long before he’d married Frieda, he had admired Leah Otto for her competence with animals at auctions—and for the way she’d helped her father with his livestock, and then continued providing for her mother after Raymond died. He’d known all along that Leah was very different from most Amish women—a proverbial square peg—yet he’d expected her to fit neatly into the gaping hole Frieda’s death had left in his life.
You married Leah knowing she’d had no experience with kids and no inclination to become a traditional wife and mother. Is it any wonder she’s miserable and feeling like a misfit?
Jude shook his head, wishing he could turn back time. Ever since the kids’ mother had died, he’d thought only of his own desires rather than what Leah might require if she were to find happiness in his home. He had needed Leah more than he’d loved her. Jeremiah had tried to point this out to him, but he’d been too lonely and desperate to listen.
“I’ve done this to you, Leah,” Jude said sadly. “And I know better—I’ve forgotten all about the love and communication a marriage requires if a husband and wife are to truly become one.”
Leah shifted. After wiping her
