Unconsciously her hand drifted to her abdomen again and a soft smile curved her lips. Luke. The thought of his child was a life raft in a sea of despair. Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it have his wonderful eyes, his thick hair?
She shook herself. She was in no position to be daydreaming. She didn’t want to think what would happen when she couldn’t conceal it from Charles any longer. Maybe if things worked out Charles would be…gone…before she began to show.
Terrible. Awful. How could she think that?
She waited another day before heading to the hospital again, gripped by a feeling of dread when she walked into Charles’s room. Carefully composing her face, willing her nausea to go away, and pasting a smile on her face, she greeted him with as much pleasantry as she could muster.
He tossed aside the magazine in his hand. “What’s wrong? You look like hell?”
“Nothing, It’s…nothing at all.”
He studied her with a critical eye. “You’ve been sickly the last few times you were here. You should take better care of yourself. The children need you. Before long I will need you.”
For a moment she was that insecure young woman again, unsure of herself in the strange world she’d been dropped into, starving for approval and affection. God. If she could just hide away somewhere for a while. Recharge her energy. The way she felt at the moment, she had no strength to deal with anything.
“I’m sorry. I… You’re right. I’ll see the doctor.” She started to sit down but nausea gripped her with a tight fist and she raced for the bathroom. Her stomach emptied itself, leaving her drained. She rinsed her mouth and patted her face with a damp towel then girded herself to face Charles.
His eyes stared daggers at her. “You’re pregnant.”
Julia recoiled in shock, as if from a physical blow. “Pregnant? W-Why… I mean…”
“Don’t try to lie to me. You never were very good at it.”
“H-How did you know?” She instinctively looked down at her still-flat stomach.
“No, you aren’t showing.” His smile was nasty. “It wasn’t hard to figure out. Did you think I’d miss the signs? The vomiting every time you’re here? The changes in your body? The fatigue you never could hide? We’ve been through this before, remember? I don’t know why you couldn’t have neat pregnancies the way other women do.”
“Neat…pregnancies.” What the hell did that mean?
“My heart may be damaged,” he went on, “but my brain is still fully functional.” When she was silent, he asked, “Have you no comment to make?”
“What shall I say, Charles? Yes, I’m pregnant.”
“I can hardly believe this,” he said. “I’ve been fighting a heart condition and you’ve been whoring in some man’s bed.”
His words hit her like brickbats. If only she weren’t so tired and achy. If her head didn’t hurt so much as she tried to deal with one crisis after another. If only she could run away and hide. She dug her nails into her palms to keep from crying. “You’re wrong.”
“No?” He lifted an eyebrow, a scornful look on his face. “Then what was it like? An immaculate conception? It certainly isn’t mine.”
“Charles, I…” She swallowed, took a breath.
“Anyway, I thought you were using one of those devices.” He vibrated with rage.
“Yes, and it’s still in place. But Dr. Berlin says they have a greater rate of failure than the pills.”
“Which your sensitive system couldn’t tolerate.”
“A lot of women can’t take them, Charles.” She would not apologize. She would not be on the defensive.
He stared at her from the hospital bed with the most malevolent look she’d ever seen. “Get rid of it.”
“What?” She turned clammy with shock, her heart first racing then threatening to stop altogether.
“You heard me. Get rid of it. Right away.”
Oh, my God. Get rid of Luke’s baby? They’d have to kill her first.
“This is not your decision to make.” She sounded braver than she felt, but she would fight for this child.
“For God’s sake, Julia, for once in your life will you think of someone besides yourself? How will the children react when they find out you’re carrying someone’s illegitimate brat? Or my partners? Or my family, for that matter.”
“What?” She nearly fainted, collapsing into the chair before she fell to the floor.
“I’m appalled you would prostitute yourself in another man’s bed. Before long, everyone will know. How do you think this will play out for a man with a damaged heart?”
Prostitute? Oh, Jesus.
The nausea roared back with a vengeance, threatening to overtake her. She made a dash for the bathroom, reaching it just in time. She took a minute to splash cold water on her face and try to pull herself together. She still shook, but not as badly, when she went back into the room.
“There.” His face was set in the smug look she hated. “Exactly what I mean. Here I am practically an invalid, and I have to listen to you retching every day.”
“I’ll try to keep the vomiting contained to the hours I’m away from you.” She couldn’t help the sarcasm.
“I hope you didn’t pick someone my friends might know. I don’t need everyone smirking at me behind my back.”
“He’s not from here and he’s no one you know. He’s a wonderful man who gave me the most pleasure I’ve ever known in my life.” The words were out before she could stop herself.
Charles clenched his jaw, and suddenly one of the machines behind him began beeping rapidly. In seconds, the nurse was beside the bed. Julia stood aside, waiting for the woman to check his vital signs and reset the machine.
“Just a little irregularity.” She smiled and patted his hand. “Nothing to worry about, but you mustn’t let yourself get excited.”
After she left, Charles looked at Julia, his face set in an expression of disgust. “I suppose you would have been more than happy if your news managed to kill me and I was out of the picture completely.”
“Please don’t say
