At the worst moments, as Courtney’s behavior escalated and her attitude turned more and more surly, Julia wished she liked to drink. Alcohol would certainly take the edge off at times like this. Handling a rebellious teenager, particularly as a single parent, was like riding on a roller coaster.
As she lay in bed later, Luke’s face rose unbidden before her eyes. She ached with longing for him, the same yearning she’d unsuccessfully tried to bury for fourteen years. When Charles’s illness and his demands had dragged on her too much, the memory of Luke had carried her through. In the long hours when Charles wallowed in self-pity, demanding her presence beside him every minute, she could close her eyes and remember the feel of Luke’s hands on her body, his mouth on hers, the muskiness of his scent.
As she faced the disaster Courtney’s life was turning out to be, she wished Luke was here to give her guidance. And help her with their daughter. Julia wondered if mental telepathy really worked. How lucky it would be if he got some of the signals she so desperately sent out.
* * * *
“I have to pick Courtney up after school today,” Julia announced to Claire at the office. “I’m bringing her back here.”
“In chains?” Claire asked with a sardonic smile.
“Not funny. I hope you don’t mind but she’s going to be doing her homework here every day. Maybe some filing if we need it. Something to keep her contained and off the streets until I take her home for dinner.” She chewed her lip. “I can’t just dump this on Miranda anymore.”
“Try the police station. I understand they have pretty secure rooms there.”
“This isn’t funny.” Julia blew out an exasperated breath. “I swear I don’t know what I’m going to do with that child.”
Claire poured coffee for herself, fixed a cup with hot water and a tea bag, brought both cups to the desk, and handed the tea to Julia. She sat down in the chair opposite her.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are exhausting yourself with Courtney. She’s draining all your energy.”
Julia closed her eyes for a moment. “I know, I know. I guess I was spoiled because Beth and Andy were so easy. And so was the kid until she turned twelve.”
“Any luck getting ahold of Luke lately?”
Julia cradled the cup with her tea. She had confided the details of her search to her friend, who encouraged her to keep trying, but now she seemed to be at a dead end. “No. I haven’t tried for a while. Ever since I heard he was in Europe.”
“You need to check the Internet now and then. He’ll pop up again.”
“I wish. Maybe his steadying hand could make a big difference where Courtney is concerned.” She bit her lip. “If he doesn’t hate me for not letting him know about her.”
“You tried, kiddo,” Claire reminded her. “You made the effort.”
“Too little, too late. I should have told him right away, just like you said. Maybe we could have fought Charles together.”
“And maybe not.” Claire took a swallow of coffee. “Maybe you were right at the time. Rod McGuire was on a tear then. Who knows what he would have done thinking he was repaying Charles.”
“I guess.” Julia sighed. “Anyway, he probably has a whole new life by now. Even if I could find him, I can’t just disrupt his life by calling and saying, ‘Hey Luke, guess what? We have a daughter, she’s almost a juvenile delinquent, and I need you to help me straighten her out.’”
“I still think he’d want to know,” Claire insisted. “There are ways he could participate without disrupting his life. And maybe if you told her the truth it would give her the answers she’s looking for.”
“I have a feeling it might make things worse. She’d blame me for not telling him right away. She’d hate me for keeping it a secret. So forget that.”
“One more thing and then I’m finished. Don’t shut your life off to the possibility of someone else. I know.” She held up her hand when Julia started to interrupt her. “You worry about Rod’s vendetta. But you need a man in your life to yank the reins on that child. The right man could give as good right back to him. And I can’t imagine Andy and Beth would give more than a passing notice to those stupid letters. They know the kind of person you are. They love you. And they don’t exactly have fond memories of their father.”
Julia rolled her head to ease the tension in her neck. “I wish I hadn’t been quite so vulnerable when Charles and Rod dropped their bombshells on me. If I’d had a spine of any kind I’d have told him to do his worst and figured out how to protect the children.”
“We all wish we’d done a lot of things differently,” Claire told her. “You were pregnant, stressed, barely surviving your marriage, and holding on with desperation for the divorce to be final. You were in no shape physically or emotionally to deal with that bastard.”
Julia snorted. “Which one? Charles or Rod?”
“Glad to see you still have a sense of humor.”
“For all the good it will do me. That was then and this is now. It would be bad enough to subject Luke to whatever Rod would do. I can’t throw a stranger into the mix so let’s leave that topic. Now let’s do what we need to before I pick up Courtney and bring her here.” Julia shook her head. “At least I can make sure she does her homework.”
“All right, forget about men. For now. Let’s get back to Courtney. I have an idea. Bring her to the office and she can work for me. I can use her three hours a day after school to file, enter stuff on
