“Even one that was a lie?” His words burned into her.
“I did what I needed to.” She raised her eyes to his. “Can’t you understand that?”
“And afterwards?” he pushed.
“Afterwards there were still the twins to raise. And then Courtney.”
“Of course.” He said it so tonelessly she couldn’t stand it.
“I never forgot about you for one single minute,” she blurted, then wished the words back. She was opening a door that needed to stay closed.
“Good. I was hoping that was the case.” His voice was sharp with pain. “I went to sleep with your face in my mind every night.”
Dangerous subject. Julia fiddled with a cracker and a slice of cheese. “How are your boys?”
“Changing the subject?” He took a healthy sip of his drink. “Okay. I’ll play. For now. They’re doing okay. Jared is twenty-five and Mark is thirty. Our relationships are still badly strained.” He shook his head. “Just like I told you so long ago, their mother did a good job of painting me the bad guy there.”
Julia didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t fair for him to shoulder all the blame, in a situation where he was the victim.
“Don’t look so upset,” he told her. “It’s okay. I mean that.”
“Do you see them?”
He fiddled with the silverware, occupying his hands as he chose his words with obvious care. “Now and then. They both live in Boston. Jared’s a software specialist, has a great job, and is a dedicated ladies’ man. Mark is a cop, married, with two children.”
“So you’re a grandpa.” She grinned at him. “You don’t look old enough. Do you at least get to see the grandchildren?”
“I fly into Boston about one weekend a month and do a fast family visit. I think that’s as much as any of us can handle.” He shook his head. “I kept a shaky marriage together for the sake of the kids, as they say in dime novels, and ended up somewhat estranged from them anyway. I guess I flunked parenthood big time.”
An incredible sadness gripped Julia. For a brief moment, she was ready to tell him about Courtney, but she forced herself to hold back. She didn’t know if he even wanted another child. What if it made him felt trapped, buried beneath an unwanted obligation? What if he hated her for keeping the secret for so many years? If he decided he never wanted to see her again, then telling him would be a big mistake.
“That must be some heavy thinking you’re doing,” Luke said, breaking her train of thought. “You’re making your forehead look permanently wrinkled.”
“A fast forward of my life in review.” She nibbled her lower lip then blurted out, “Do you have a woman in your life? Wait.” How did she even have the right to ask him that? “Forget I said that. It’s none of my business.”
“It’s all of your business. And the answer is no. Who could ever replace you?” He paused. “And what about you, Julia? Anyone in your life?”
No one except you, she wanted to say but she just shook her head. “What have you been doing with yourself all this time?”
He shrugged. “Oh, moving here and there. Trying some different things.”
Did she dare tell him she’d tried so many times to find him?
“But I know Bright Ideas has done very well.” He grinned. “I’ve kept up with you, as you can tell.”
The thought he’d followed her career warmed her. “Yes. It has.”
They just sat and looked at each other a long moment. Then Luke reached across the table for her hand. “I don’t want to discuss pleasantries, Julia. Am I interested in your life? Absolutely. But you know what I want right now?”
“What?” She whispered the word.
“To spend the night with you. That’s what I want. Right now. Tonight.”
Common sense told her to pull her hand back, pull herself back, tell him this was impossible and she needed to go home. How could she do this without telling him all her secrets first? What if he was angry? Outraged? Didn’t understand her reasons for everything? Thought she should have tried harder to find him? But his touch still set her nerve endings dancing, bringing back erotic memories and fanning the banked flames of desire. Fourteen years and the intensity of her need for him ignited in only seconds.
“Say something, Julia.” He grinned ruefully. “Even if it’s just to tell me to go away.”
“There are things… My life…” She wet her lips with her tongue. “Things you don’t know.”
“Whatever it is can wait. It’s taken so long for us to get here again. Tell me you don’t want me right now,” he prodded. “Say it, we’ll finish our drinks, and I’ll drive you home.”
“I can’t do that,” she whispered, as every bit of rational thought fled from her brain. “I have to be honest. I want your arms around me right now. I want you to hold me and never let me go.”
“Julia...”
She wet her lips. “There are too many complications.”
Luke stared at her for a long time. “Everyone’s life is complicated. Right now, what’s important is tonight. The rest we’ll deal with later.”
“Later.” She repeated the word, hoping there would be a later.
He rose from his chair and she thought he was going to reach for her. Instead, he walked to the door and pressed a tiny button in the framing. Then he came to her and pulled her from her chair. Kissing her lightly, he reached for her coat.
“Let’s get the check and get out of here. What I’m hungry for is something other than food.”
Chapter 16
A light rain fell as Luke maneuvered carefully through the streets. Julia paid little attention to where they were going, wrapped heavily in her own thoughts. If this was a mistake, then so be it. She’d been a good and committed wife during the balance of Charles’s illness, a condition that
