“Really?” said Isa. “You think the man has nothing better to do than chase after you? He probably forgot. He’s not coming back.”
“Inşallah that’s true,” said Derda. Then he got to his feet, used his hand to block the sun, and surveyed the scene. Sitting down at the base of the tomb and leaning back against it, he took the cigarette Isa was offering him.
“Anyway, if there’s anyone walking around back there by those tombs you tell me, Ok?”
Isa lit Derda’s cigarette.
“Sure, don’t worry,” he said.
Then he lit his own cigarette, adding, “But if you ask me, you’re scared for nothing.”
Isa took five drags before he asked, “You know Fevzi, right? That kid who ran away from the orphanage?”
Derda nodded his head.
“I saw him yesterday. That guy’s weird. You know, he’s always carrying a bag around. And you know what’s inside it? He showed me. It’s a doll. You know, like a toy for girls. It’s got this dress on. Then Fevzi took its clothes off. It’s got boobs and an ass like a real woman. Like a real grown-up woman, you know? Anyway, he said that doll was the reason he ran away from the orphanage. What do they call them? Barbo, Barba, anyway, something like that. Barbie, Barbie. And you know why? Because the guys there saw him there, feeling up the doll, then they jumped Fevzi, you get it?”
Derda, still keeping an eye out, stubbed his cigarette out against the tombstone.
He asked, “Yeah, but why’d he take the shit for a doll? Why didn’t he just get rid of it? Throw it away and not get beat up?”
“Wait, listen,” said Isa. “Guess who gave him that doll. Do you know?”
“Why would I know?”
“Man, the prime minister gave it to him!”
“Fuck!” said Derda.
“I swear, man. They were in this town, this village, whatever, the prime minister came. So they all went. He was smaller then. The prime minister was giving out toys. The kids were all scrambling around, grabbing and pushing. He found it on the ground. First he didn’t really get what it was. Then somehow he couldn’t give it up or throw it away. I mean, if nothing else, the prime minister did give it to him, right? But the kids in the town, they saw him and it’s a girl thing, right? They started to touch it. Fevzi couldn’t do anything about it of course. Then they started touching Fevzi. And he …”
Derda turned and looked at Isa.
“Man, did you do something?”
Finally Isa answered. With a question.
“You want to?”
“Go fuck yourself, man,” said Derda. “What do I want from him?”
“You get bread and give it to him, and then Fevzi …”
“No way,” said Derda.
“Everyone’s doing it. That’s what Fevzi said. The kids from the football pitch come, too. But you should see the doll, it’s like a real woman. And Fevzi, with his hand …”
“Man, go fuck yourself!” said Derda. He felt sick to his stomach. Not from what Fevzi did to Isa in exchange for his loaf of bread. For believing what Fevzi had told him about what happened at the orphanages. Maybe all of it was true. Maybe they did jump Fevzi in the toilets. But Derda wasn’t about to carry around a Barbie. For a second he thought he’d done everything for nothing. He’d been afraid of the orphanage for nothing. He’d chopped up his mother and buried her for nothing. He’d stolen the money from that man in the robe for nothing and for nothing he’d gotten into a shitload of trouble. And all because of Fevzi. And all because of that stupid doll. Because he got a doll and went crazy.
“I’m going to fuck that Fevzi!” said Derda out loud, without even realizing it. Then Isa looked him right in the eye and he corrected himself.
“Not like that, man.”
“Wake up, wake up!”
He was stretched out in the shade of the cypress trees, sleeping between two graves in an empty plot waiting for death. Derda opened his eyes and saw Isa leaning over him.
“What’s going on?”
“There’s someone at one of your tombs. But it’s a woman.”
Derda jumped to his feet. Out of habit, he grabbed his plastic tanks and his brush before he set off after Isa. His heart was in his mouth and he pressed his lips together to force it back down. But when they came close enough to see the woman standing in front of one of the tombs, he knew he’d have to open his mouth to say something.
“It’s Ok, you can go.”
“Are you sure?” asked Isa.
“Yeah,” said Derda. “Go back to work.”
Isa walked away, leaving Derda to hide himself among the trees at his lookout point. He trembled like a leaf as he watched the woman.
The woman stood in front of the tomb where his mother’s left breast and rib cage were buried, those parts that’d given him so much trouble to chop apart. She stood entirely still, staring at the marble slab. Derda thought she might just be a regular cemetery visitor. She looked like she was about to cry. She touched the tomb’s marble edge and then covered her mouth with her hand. Derda was almost totally convinced. This woman wasn’t the fear he’d been waiting for. Then just as he was moving out from his hiding spot in the trees, he saw something that practically made him faint. He rubbed his eyes, then spread open the curtain of leaves in front of him and watched the woman pull a white envelope out of her bag and lay it on top of the earth in the tomb bed. “Fuck!” reverberated through him like a scream.
The woman dug a hole with her hands. She dug it deep enough to bury the envelope inside and then she looked around. Derda ducked his head behind the tree. What should I do? he asked himself over and over again. What am I going to do? What am I
