“I don’t blame our father for sending us away all these years. Everyone thinks he’s coldhearted. But he’s not. He just loved our mother so much that he could never forgive us for causing her death. I can’t, either.”
Tears well in my eyes. Tears for Hisashi, for Doi, for their mother. Even for the Chairman.
“But it’s going to be all right. My sister and I have a plan. To show our father how much we love him. We’re going to unbreak our family.”
Is that what Doi is talking to Hisashi about through Chi pulses? Do they not want to be seen together so that people won’t know they’re working on some plan?
I can feel the struggle in his Chi. Whatever their plan is, however much they believe in it, he’s frightened of what he has to do. I want to say something to comfort him. Something that lets him know that I feel how he feels.
“I understand this boat,” I say slowly. “Two heads. Pulling it in two directions. It doesn’t know which way to go. It’s uncertain which way is forward. But then, who of us is ever certain which way is forward?”
The fact that I want him to appreciate me for saying it doesn’t mean that it’s not also completely sincere.
His dimpled smile is like a radiant banner unfurling.
“Do you like your gift?” he says.
“What, you mean this boat? This is my gift?”
“Don’t you like it?”
“I can’t accept this. It’s too big a gift.”
“It gets small again when it dries.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I know. I shouldn’t joke. It’s not too big a gift. You’ve done more than you know. For me. And my sister.”
I don’t want to pry, but I think he wants to tell me about it.
“Hisashi, what is the plan that you and your sister are working on?”
He stiffens and says nothing.
“Why don’t the two of you talk to each other in person?”
“Peasprout … there are things concerning our family that I can’t tell you about. And if I could tell you, I wouldn’t want to.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d be afraid that you wouldn’t allow me to do this again.”
“What? Take me on a dragon-phoenix boat?”
“No. This.”
He draws near. His scent is like soft plains sweetgrass. He smiles and it feels like the dimples in his cheeks are making little mirror indentations into my heart.
He’s a remarkable boy, but he has secrets. Something tells me that I’ve yet to see the true Hisashi. I don’t know him yet. And I’m not going to kiss a boy I don’t know.
When I hesitate, he hesitates. The smile fades but returns.
“I’ve wondered if reincarnation always has to be vertical,” Hisashi says, pulling back. “Why does the next life you come back in have to take place after the life you just left? What if reincarnation is sometimes horizontal? And we sometimes come back and live a life that happens at the same time as another life we lived? Any living creature that you are cruel to could be someone you love. Or yourself.”
“I’ve never thought about that before.”
“And what if we come back to our own time and we meet ourselves and we feel the perfect harmony? Maybe that’s what we call love.” He gazes down at his hands and thumbs the rough calluses on his knuckles.
“But what if you come back as another boy?”
The dimples press into his checks again. “Who said love must always be easy?”
I can see that he wants to lean toward me again, but I still can’t. He relents. He doesn’t resent me for my hesitation. And it makes him even more beautiful to me. He’s the one person here I can trust.
“Hisashi, I need your help.”
“Anything.”
“Where can I buy red sorghum wine in the city?”
“Why do you need red sorghum wine?”
“For Chingu. I need to ask who the criminal behind the attacks is.”
He tenses when he hears this. “You shouldn’t get involved in this, Peasprout.”
“I’m already involved. This is the only way that I can prove that Suki’s behind this, not Cricket and me.”
“You don’t know that it’s Suki.”
“Are you defending her now?” I say. I don’t believe what I’m hearing.
“No! Just don’t give Suki any more reason to come after you. She’s got her attention on Doi these days. Doi can handle her.”
“Meaning that I can’t.”
“No! Just stay out of Suki’s way. You can’t risk getting caught breaking rules now.”
“Well, I have to. Because your father’s coming at me. I don’t understand why you won’t help me. I thought … I mean—”
I’m angry, but I don’t want to start crying in front of him. I focus my Chi.
“Please listen,” I say when I’ve collected my emotions. “You don’t know what Cricket and I have been through. You don’t know why we don’t know where our parents are. You don’t need to know that now. But there is something I need you to know: I am the smartest, most capable person I know.”
He laughs. “You’re the smartest, most capable person I know, too.”
“No, you don’t understand! At all.”
He looks at me with gentle eyes and says, “Help me to understand.”
I swallow down my emotion and say, “Knowing that I’m the smartest, most capable person I know is the most frightening feeling possible. Because it means that if I can’t keep Cricket safe, no one can. It means that if I can’t save myself, no one can. It means that I’m on my own. Can you understand that?”
He says nothing. He takes my hand.
“So that’s why I need to get into the city and buy red sorghum wine. Will you help me?”
He squeezes my hand and says, “I’m sorry, Peasprout. I can’t.”
And so the moment ends.
“I should go check on Cricket,” I say.
He doesn’t try to change my mind with more talk. He churns the tail-oar of the dragon-phoenix boat. I wipe my cheeks with the sleeve of my ridiculous dress. We reach the shore of the islet of the Temple of Heroes of Superlative Character. We pull the craft up onto the
