The last thing I want to do is create a show that PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH MY MOTHER watch. But on the other hand, that WOULD get me additional views.… I just let Mom babble as I continue inserting jars of condiments into the shelves on the refrigerator door.
“I bet a show about challenging yourself to be a better reader would really catch on,” Mom continues.
I’m about to ask her if she’s kidding but her slow smile tells me she is.
I’ve fought my parents on reading programs for years, finally coming up with one that works for me—drawing my vocabulary words in my sketchbooks to understand them better. I’m what’s known as a visual learner, meaning I need to SEE things to learn them. I’ve done thousands of stick-figure drawings, which have definitely improved my reading skills. I know Mom well enough to realize she’s not putting me down, just acknowledging all the hard work I’ve done since kindergarten.
Mom motions to the two jars in my hand. “Mustard or mayo? Paper or plastic? Truth or dare? Sometimes life just comes down to one thing or the other, right?”
Mom’s semi-annoying observation gives me another idea. Instead of blending a ton of stuff together, what if my friends and I dare ourselves to complete challenges where BOTH options are disgusting? Would you rather have a booger sandwich or a dandruff shake? Would you rather go to school wearing your dad’s pants or your mom’s high heels? (Not that my mom wears high heels—she stands for many hours at work, so she usually wears clogs.)
By the time the counter’s cleared, I’ve thought of twenty revolting dares we can film immediately. I text my friends that it’s time to make more videos.
With the camera on this time.
TAKE TWO
Now that Mr. Ennis is our teacher, we watch every video on his channel a million more times. In the episode he uploaded yesterday, he plays Latin music to a tomato plant until it gives him a cup of salsa to eat with his chips.
Carly, Umberto, Matt, and I watch it several more times before we begin today’s filming. Mr. Ennis’s editing is so seamless, no matter how hard we look, we can’t see any signs of his cuts.
“Are we ready to shoot?” Umberto asks. He’s got two hours until his van driver, Bill, picks him up from my house.
Mom’s relieved we’re not recording anything food-related and gives us her consent to film anywhere in the house as long as we clean up. It seems like a fair deal, considering my friends and I are still unsure exactly what we’ll be shooting.
“I like the whole ‘Would you rather have choice A or choice B?’” Carly says. “I just don’t want the choices to be gross.”
“They HAVE to be gross,” Matt answers. “Otherwise what’s the point?”
I agree and hold up the clipboard with the list I came up with.
“Would you rather wear your best friend’s underwear or use their toothbrush?” I ask the group.
Carly scrunches up her face, clearly unhappy with the way this is going. “Clean or dirty underwear?” she finally asks.
Matt and Umberto look at her like she’s crazy. “Dirty, of course,” Umberto answers.
“That’s easy,” Matt continues. “Use your friend’s toothbrush. I use my brother’s when I can’t find mine—doesn’t bother me at all.”
“Yeah, but does it bother HIM?” Umberto looks to me. “Underwear, inside out—done.”
“Should we turn on the camera and try to catch some of this magic on film?” I ask.
“Nobody uses film anymore,” Umberto says. “Even blockbuster movies are shot on digital now.”
“I know that!” Yet another friend who’s a zillion times smarter than I am. Carly opts out of the challenge and decides to record us instead. I’ve got my cell hooked up to Dad’s tripod and after modifying the height, Carly tells us we’re good to go.
“Three.… two … one … action!” she calls.
Matt, Umberto, and I stand there, unsure of where to start.
Finally, Matt nudges me and I talk into the camera. “Hello, everybody! Welcome to the WOULD YOU RATHER challenge with Derek, Matt, and Umberto. This is our first video and I’m really nervous!” Spittle actually comes out of my mouth as I talk.
Carly presses pause. “Should we try again?” she asks nicely.
Matt’s a bit more forthright. “Derek, that was TERRIBLE! Are you trying to drown our viewers?”
“Then YOU go first,” I answer. “We didn’t even write anything down—I was winging it!”
“Should we make some cue cards?” Carly asks. “We can prop them up behind me on the couch so you can read them.”
“I DON’T WANT TO READ CUE CARDS!” I shout at her. “I want to make a YOUTUBE VIDEO! IS THAT SO HARD?”
Carly picks up her bag and heads to the door. “Apparently, yes. See you at school.”
I feel bad she’s leaving, especially after our conversation this morning. When I asked her at our lockers how it went at the orthodontist, she told me she has to get braces. Carly’s one of the smartest, most fearless kids I know but she actually looked scared when we discussed it. Maybe I should’ve been a little nicer to her today.
I try to catch up with Carly but the only person in the driveway is Umberto’s driver with the van.
Bill, Matt, and I help Umberto down the stairs in his wheelchair. Last time Umberto was here, Mom suggested getting a ramp that matches the one on the other side of the driveway for her patients. In all the times and different places Matt and I have lifted Umberto in his wheelchair, we’ve never dropped him. But I can’t say I don’t worry about it every time.
I go upstairs and drag Bodi out from his favorite spot—underneath my bed. Frank’s in Mom’s office, so Matt and I
