This book was filled with pictures of Ash, as most of the albums in this house were. I flipped the page until I came to a rare photo in which she was smiling. More often than not she was pulling faces at the camera. God, I loved her.
“Hey, what are you looking at?” Katie’s whispered words interrupted my reminiscing.
“Oh, God! You scared the crap out of me. What are you doing back so early?” I said. I picked up the album that had slipped from my grasp.
“Sorry.” She smirked. “We were actually overstaffed tonight, and since everyone knows you’re leaving tomorrow they let me go home early. How are you doing?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. A part of me is so excited I wish I were on the plane now. A bigger part is terrified. We’ve never really been apart.”
“I know what you mean. I’m so excited for you—this is a trip you’ve been dreaming about for as long as I can remember. But I also want to be selfish and keep you here with Ash and me forever. It’ll be weird not having you around for every little thing. Ash is going to drive me bonkers.” She settled herself on the other end of the couch so we could whisper-talk without waking the little monster.
“I thought it would be hard when you married Alex, and I was with Keith, but we’ve never gone a day without speaking to one another. I wish you would come with me. You know I’d have more fun with you and Ash there.”
“No. Tash, this is for you. You need to discover who you are without us. It’s important that you do things for yourself—and maybe try to create a family of your own.”
I glared at her. This was a conversation we’d had repeatedly. “You know how I feel about that, Katie.”
“At some point, you have to let him go. I know Keith hurt you, but there are other men out there.”
“He didn’t just hurt me, Katie. He destroyed any ounce of desire I had for a marriage, any belief I had that there was such a thing as a soul mate. Disappearing two weeks before our wedding? What kind of messed-up shit is that? Don’t give me that look, she’s asleep, she didn’t hear me swear.” I glared at her, knowing where this conversation was headed, and secretly glad for the distraction from my traveling nerves. “Relationships aren’t worth the heartache. You think everything is fine, then bam! He leaves. No notice, no warning, no excuse. Just gone. And I think I’d have been okay, had he not gotten married so quickly after.” I needed to stop, or I was going to start yelling. Even after all these years, talking about Keith made my blood boil. “And then, every freaking time I run into him, the butterflies start right back up, like I’m a hormonal twelve year old, with an insane need for him to notice me. All I want to do is scream at him, make him feel the same way he made me feel, but instead I end up making pleasant conversation and wishing him well. It’s been years! I should hate him. I should, but I don’t. Truth be told, if he knocked on our door right now and asked me to give him another try, I don’t think I could say no. It’s been eight years, Katie. I hate being so pathetic.”
“He was a jerk. There’s no denying that. And you’re not pathetic. There are other people out there, Tash. Don’t let him define your future happiness. I believe you’ll get married one day.” Katie gave me a hesitant smile.
“I don’t know how you can stay so positive after how things ended with Alex.”
“Tash…” Katie sighed.
“Convincing you to have a baby when you specifically told him you didn’t want children? Then leaving you while you were pregnant? He was an asshole and you know it.”
“He did what he felt was necessary for him. I wouldn’t change a second of it; Ashlyn was worth every moment of pain, physical and emotional. I know I didn’t want kids, but she makes me wish I had more.” Katie’s eyes were fixed on her lap, her voice thick. Katie had never forced her ex to have a relationship with Ashlyn, and he certainly never requested custody or visitation rights. It was one of the quickest, most amicable divorces I’d ever seen.
“How can you seriously expect me to believe in happily ever after with everything we’ve been through?”
“I believe there’s someone for everyone. I still believe Ash’s father will play a part in her life when it’s time. In the meantime, I try to enjoy my life with you and her. I’ve started doing things for myself again, too. I’ve been going out with friends while she’s in school, and getting back in touch with the things I used to do before I even married Alex. It’s nice to know that I still have a personality outside of being a mom and a nurse.”
“I do love work, and my bike.” I grinned at her, and she rolled her eyes. Shortly after my hell-year, as I liked to call it, I’d gotten a motorcycle. It was fast, sleek, and made for trouble. It had been one of the only things apart from Katie and Ash to truly bring me joy.
I had dreaded the moments in between work and watching Ashlyn. My bike gave me a reason to get out of my empty apartment. I had always been able to lose myself in my job, too. Katie had gone into the side of healthcare that dealt with people, I ran straight to the beakers. Her side dealt with the
