“Not unusual.”
“Really?”
“I’ve a friend who has a theory that with epilepsy, some sort of electrical impulse is triggering in the brain. The fall could have caused a change in humors. Disrupting them perhaps. My friend has not published his thoughts on the subject, as he is still in the throes of research.”
“Well, you understand why my secret must be contained.”
“Yes, yes, of course, but epilepsy is no reason not to marry.”
“I could die at any time.”
“As could we all, lad. In fact, Henrietta just set me straight this morning. You see, I’ve been trying to keep her safe, but one should never sacrifice a calling for safety. Dreams for status quo.”
“Status what?” Dominic was trying to follow the doctor’s reasoning, but the events of the days had exhausted him. He shook his head when, for a second, there appeared to be two Mr. Gordons.
“What I am saying is that Henrietta is on her way to Italy. I couldn’t stop her, though since she’s left, I’ve had an idea.”
Dominic straightened. “Today?”
“Her ship departs tomorrow morning,” the doctor amended. “Since you asked me here, it has occurred to me that perhaps you are the man to keep her home. She wants a family, but she fears that she will lose them.”
Dominic was aware of the blood rushing through his head. “Yesterday I bared my feelings, and she rejected me. Soundly and firmly.” Though he remembered her hands, quivering and unsure, against her skirts. “I have taken her at her word.”
“Does she know you love her?”
Did she? He had said might. Henrietta did not deal in halves. Suddenly he realized his mistake. “No, she does not know for certain. But I do. I love her in every way.”
“Women are emotional creatures. She will stay if you confess your love.”
“Henrietta?” Even as he scoffed at the notion of his practical, levelheaded governess succumbing to emotion, he recalled her heated tirade against the apothecary. And the way she’d giggled in a field of bubbles while Smiles and Louise rolled around, soaking wet.
“She hides them well,” Mr. Gordon admitted. “If you are certain you cannot live without her, then I propose we stop her from leaving for Italy.”
His legs itched to run out and stop her at this very moment. “Where is she?”
Mr. Gordon stood. “At a reputable boardinghouse near the wharf. Lady Brandewyne will meet us there, to preserve Henrietta’s reputation. She will bring Louise.”
Dominic’s stomach sank. He had spent his entire life avoiding commitments, quitting whatever did not please him. “I’ve tried to reason with her. What if she says no again?”
“Then you can assure yourself you did all that you could, and you may move on with your life.”
He thought of her impassioned words, the way she’d rejected his “I think I might love you.” Perhaps she wanted...no, needed more from him. But was he strong enough?
All he knew was that he didn’t want to lose her, and if that meant braving the murky waters of the unknown, then that was what he had to do. “Let us take our leave then.”
“And no more nonsense talk of health. You have many years left in you.” The doctor slapped him on the shoulder, an altogether unexpected gesture of affection.
Dominic called for his carriage, which was brought swiftly. He and the doctor climbed in.
Was he really doing this? She had rejected him many times. It was madness to try again, and yet her uncle believed she was saying no due to fear.
She had kissed him back.
He remembered clearly the feel of the woman he cared for in his arms, and the emotions he’d sensed in her when they kissed. If she left and he never saw her again... He set his jaw. He couldn’t let that happen.
His vision wavered again and he blinked. He did not need a seizure right now.
Gordon gave directions to the driver and as the carriage clomped over the roads, rocking with motion, Dominic finally felt a sense of purpose.
He closed his eyes and leaned back against the cushioned squabs. As he silently prayed, peace came over him. This was the right thing. At the very least, he would tell her his true feelings.
It wasn’t just that he might love her.
He did love her.
To the dark, terrified depths of himself, he loved her. And if she wanted to give up, to cower in fear of living, then he would challenge her on that. She had made him feel as though he wanted to be a better person. That embracing his life did not mean embracing solitude.
And now it was time for her to see the same for herself.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Rapid, staccato knocking roused Henrietta from terrible dreams of smoke-clouded skies and unbearable loneliness. Sitting up, she rubbed at her eyes while her head pounded in frightening beats. The room carried a dusky stillness, interrupted only by the rapping on the door. Rapping that mimicked the clomping in her temples.
A frightful paralysis clutched at her throat. Who could be outside her door at this hour? She had no weapons. Perhaps the scalpel she kept in a side pocket of her reticule would serve to protect her.
“Henrietta, we know you are in there. Open the door.” Lady Brandewyne, sounding as bossy as always.
“I’m here, too.” Louise’s voice.
She scooted off the bed, wondering if they had come to talk her out of her decision. Which could not happen, she assured herself as she opened the door.
Immediately Louise flew at her, grabbing her at the waist and squeezing so hard that a soft oomph fluttered from her.
“I don’t hate you. I don’t,” she declared, her words thick with emotion.
Smiles pranced in behind them, jumping onto Henrietta’s bed and making himself cozy. Henrietta patted Louise on the back.
“I know,” she said, although secretly she had worried that the girl did. In fact, she had not been able to get out of her mind the notion that Louise would forever hate her, forever remember her not as a joyful time in her life, but a painful
