Vaughn would have Micah bring her car home from the hospital for her. Make sure she had everything she needed. Hell, he’d do anything she wanted to be sure she was safe and cared for during her pregnancy. Especially since Rich Lowell was still out there.
But Vaughn could no longer fool himself that he was doing her or her child any good by sticking around. The darkness inside him wasn’t going away.
It would hound him for the rest of his life.
He’d felt it roar to the surface as soon as he’d seen the abnormality on the ultrasound display, his fears so strong he’d been afraid to share his concerns with Abigail, knowing he might overstate the need for further testing. Hutch had handled the news well, remaining positive at all times before making a date to see Abigail again.
That was a good thing. Vaughn was ready to admit her and monitor her 24/7. Not because the baby’s issue was so severe. But because he couldn’t fathom anything ever happening to Abigail or her child.
He would not be the man who dimmed Abigail’s vibrant spirit with his anxiety.
As he entered the living room, Ruby glanced up at him, her tongue lolling out one side of her mouth before she lay down beside Abigail. The dog’s vest was off for the day. She’d already worked hard.
Now, however, another stressful moment was upon them.
Steeling himself for the discussion that had to happen, Vaughn settled the tray of food on the coffee table. He hoped Abigail understood how much this was going to rip out his heart.
Ruby lifted her head again, sensing the tension. She got to her feet and padded over to him, sitting beside him.
“Abigail.” Vaughn wished he was better with words. Wished he had some way to make this hurt less for both of them. Already his chest ached like a weight sat there, crushing his ribs.
“Aren’t you going to join me?” Her gaze went to the single tray. The single plate of salad.
Time to make sure she understood.
“I can’t.” It was that simple. And that complicated. “I know I asked to be there with you today.” He stepped closer to her, dropping into the seat by the sofa. “I wanted to be a part of this next phase of your life.”
Her dark hair spilled over the wide straps of a sundress she wore, red with white polka dots.
“I couldn’t have gotten through that appointment without you.” She reached for his hand and threaded her fingers through his.
Regret carved a deep hole in him.
He couldn’t imagine going through the rest of his life without touching her again. Without feeling this connection.
But he untwined his fingers and stepped away.
“I can’t do it, Abigail. I’m only going to end up hurting you and this sweet little girl that’s arriving this fall.”
Her jaw dropped as she stared up at him. Then she snapped it shut. Her eyes sparked. “I don’t understand.”
“You mean too much to me for me to check out on you when you need me most.” He shouldn’t have let the relationship go this far. He’d been weak when he’d sent her that text saying he wanted to be at the ultrasound appointment. “It’s better for you if we end things now.”
* * *
Hurt and anger wrestled inside her, battling for dominance.
They elbowed her insides harder than any unborn child ever could.
Setting her feet on the floor, she rose to stand in front of him, not even trying to rein in the feelings after the scare she’d had today.
“You’re walking away now? After you told me how much you wanted to be by my side today?” She’d been prepared to walk away after the gala on Saturday.
Yes, it had torn her apart to let things end. But she’d been ready to respect his wishes. She really thought he’d come to terms with the demons he battled so far. He’d been the one to insist on more, after all, knowing how hard it had been for her to let him into her life. And now, he was backing away. It hurt. So damn much.
“I thought—I hoped—I could be a part of your future.” The anguish in his eyes was real enough. Ruby walked around him once, then leaned into him hard, pressing her head to his hip. “But I saw today how fast this facade I try to hold together could fall apart.” He snapped his fingers. “Like that, Abigail.” He shook his head. “That’s not the kind of support system you deserve.”
“That news would devastate anyone with a pulse!” She didn’t want to raise her voice, but she felt it notching higher. “And you still have one, Vaughn, unless you’ve forgotten. Your life is a gift—something you should see better than most people after the service you gave your country. But you’re frittering it away like it means nothing to you.”
He looked stunned silent.
Said nothing.
And she realized she wasn’t close to done.
“Don’t you owe it to the brothers in arms you lost not to take your life for granted?” She blinked hard against a surge of grief for her sister, the wave so strong it threatened to level her. “My sister died, and I hate that. But if she had pulled through, Vaughn, she wouldn’t squander her days, scared to live.”
Vaughn’s shoulders were tense. His features frozen. Expressionless. She’d lost him already, she could tell. And her angry words were only making him retreat further.
Ruby shifted her weight on her front paws. A tiny hint of her own anxiety. Abigail felt like the worst kind of heel, but if she didn’t call out Vaughn for taking his happiness for granted, who would?
“I’ve given my life to my work,” he said finally. “I’m making a difference the best way I can.”
“A noble sacrifice.” Who wouldn’t admire the way he’d given up everything to be the best surgeon possible? The most giving? “But you’re still breathing, Vaughn. I hope one day you take the time to enjoy it and find happiness.”
He studied
