“They were killed by some reckless asshole,” Toby said. I almost jumped out of my shorts, I was so surprised to hear his voice. It sounded deeper and fuller than I’d last remembered. “Who dies just a mile away from their house?”
Toby’s parents ran the old auto repair shop three miles up the road from where they lived, the one that they’d been so excited to take over after his grandfather left it to them. They were there night and day, always coming home smelling like diesel fumes, always talking about who to fire or hire next, how to cut costs and keep things running smoothly. How to keep the business going strong and still save up enough to send Toby to college.
Something in Toby’s face broke, and for the first time in forever, he started crying. I had to slap my arm to remind myself that this was real.
“Grandpa left them that place before he died, and they were so happy,” Toby sobbed. “And now they’re gone, and Grandpa’s gone, and everything here is dying.”
I touched his shoulder. “You’re not dying, Toby.”
He jerked away from me like my hands were made of hot coals. “Don’t touch me!” Then he spat angrily into the grass. “Maybe I should be dying! I want to die! I deserve to die. Why should they die, and I stay here? It isn’t fair!”
He got up and ran to the house. I called after him, but he locked the door and refused to let me in, even when I banged on all the windows. I had to hop the fence to get to my bike.
Two days later, Toby called me up like nothing had been wrong, like we’d never had this conversation and I hadn’t seen him bawling like a baby.
He said he was part of this new family business venture, a cool new way to make some money. One that was easy money.
He asked me if I wanted in.
11.
Toby sulked for a few days about me leaving the business, ignored a bunch of my texts and calls. But in just a few days, he was back to his normal self again, cracking jokes with me and acting like nothing had ever happened. That’s just how things were with us, even if one of us was still mad. Any residual anger or resentment kind of simmered there on the surface.
I hoped he wouldn’t bring it up again.
It was a Friday afternoon and we were shooting the shit, lounging around Max’s basement and soaking up the A.C., when Max suggested we do something different.
“Screw this,” he said. “The semester’s more than halfway over, it’s hot as hell, and we’ve done the same damn thing every day after school.” And it was true, so after he and Toby bickered back and forth for a bit about whose fault that was and Connor smoked another bowl of their weed, we decided to break into the community pool.
We picked up some liquor at the Strip and drove over in Max’s beat-up Chevy, relishing the quiet of the late afternoon. The pool was closed for renovation and wouldn’t open until summertime, but the construction guys were gone for the day and the water was crystal clear, tempting us all, untouched by dirty patrons. The air smelled like sawdust and chlorine, and I’d forever smell that when I tasted cheap bourbon.
“Alright, fuck it, let’s do this.” Toby stomped out his cigarette in the grass and rolled up his sleeves.
“Hold on, man, there’s like security cameras, right?” Max said.
Toby rolled his eyes. “Can you just try for once not to be a total pussy, Max?” He made a leap for the chain link fence and struggled to haul himself over as Max scrambled to help him.
Max needed some help himself to scale the fence and ended up cutting himself on the wires, but when it was my turn, I felt Connor’s hands on my back, lifting me up, and the ease at which he did it surprised me. Once we were up and over I was about to say thanks, and he gestured at me to come closer, opening the pockets of his board shorts inside out to reveal a bag of pills.
“Split it with me later?” he asked quietly, when the other boys were out of earshot. I nodded, though I felt nervous.
We downed the bourbon pretty fast, blaring rap on Max’s portable speakers. The water felt good even though it was pretty warm, and I floated down, testing how long I could hold my breath as the bottom of the pool spun around me.
When I came up for air, Connor was in front of me, holding out the pills. One was green and one was blue.
“Very Matrix,” I said, but I didn’t reach for one. “What is it?”
He only smiled. Shirtless in the water, I felt scrawny compared to him, even though my build was fairly average. He had an impressive set of abs, and up close, I couldn’t help but notice the deep scars on his wrists that he’d never discussed. I wondered if the guys noticed them like I did.
“Alright, fine, fuck it,” I said, popping back the green one, choking a little as I tried to force it
