“You know her better than I do. I’ll meet you downstairs. Sounds like something’s happening in the basement.”
I headed into the kitchen where Jess was pouring beers. “You know I don’t touch Natty Light.”
Then her face broke out into a real smile, and she handed me my drink. “Cheers to that.” She tapped her cup against mine. “That’s why I poured you the good stuff.” I smiled back. Her eyebrows shot up. “Did you get your lip pierced?”
“Oh, yeah, today, I was with Connor. I was…gonna send you a pic.”
“Right,” she said. We stood there awkwardly, sipping our beers, watching people come and go through the cramped room. “Well, see you later, I guess.”
She pushed past me but I stepped in front of her, blocking her path. “Wait, Jess, we need to talk.”
“About what? There’s nothing more to talk about, Jack.”
“I miss you,” I blurted out. “Everything’s just been so weird lately, and I miss talking to you. I miss how we used to be.”
She lowered her gaze to the floor. “Me too.”
“I would do anything to take it back. I didn’t mean it.”
When she lifted her eyes, they were hard and cold. “You left me at that party alone, drunk, scared, hurt, remember? My girlfriends weren’t even there.”
“I know. I don’t know what else to do or say to make it better. How many more times do you want me to apologize before you’ll actually forgive me?”
She just stared at me and shook her head sadly. “Toby’s right, you are clueless about some things.”
“Oh, so you’re friends with Toby now? You guys talk?”
I regretted it the second it slipped out of my mouth.
“Don’t look at me like I’m some kind of loser because I’m hanging out with your friends, Jack!”
Some people were starting to watch us. I lowered my voice and leaned closer to her. “Jess, I didn’t mean it like that. Please.”
“I’m done here, Jack. Come talk to me when you’ve grown a pair.” She started to walk off, but then stopped, as if she’d forgotten something. “And by the way, your so-called ‘friends?’ Your ‘boys?’ They don’t even like you all that much.”
I chugged the rest of my beer after she stalked off, then wandered downstairs into the haze of the party. I had the urge to punch something, someone. Every single face I saw in the crowd made me angrier.
When I finally found Connor amid the chaos, he was doing lines of coke off a dusty coffee table covered in empty red solo cups, a strung-out girl sliding her hand up the back of his shirt. I stood there for a moment, and some asshole bumped into me and let out a rude, “Excuse you.” Connor’s head was tilted back, his eyes closed, mouth open like he was in a state of pure ecstasy.
I pushed past the girl and put a hand on his shoulder. I didn’t care who was watching. “Hey, you okay?”
“Mmm,” he said, wiping his nose in his sleeve and sniffing loudly. “Everything’s good, man.” He started giggling, leaning down to do another line. I pushed his head away.
“Hey,” I said, trying to laugh with him. “I think that’s enough.”
But he resisted, shoving me back. “No, I’m good. I’m good,” he said, and snorted another line, starting to make a third one with someone’s credit card. A few more girls were coming over now, all of them completely coked out. They were community college girls, way too old to be putting their hands all over Connor.
“That looks like good shit,” one said.
“Can we get some?” asked another, leaning her head against Connor’s shoulder and stroking his bicep. “You have nice arms.”
“Hey Connor, come upstairs. I’ve got something better,” I said. I gently tugged at his sleeve.
“Even better than this?” he asked. He sniffled loudly and wiped his nose. One of the girls nipped at his ear. “Excuse me ladies, I’ll be right back.”
I managed to get him upstairs, though he was shaking and kept looking around the room and biting at his lip.
“Come on, man,” I said. “Let’s go back to your place. I think you’re good for tonight.”
“Oh hey, Jack, Connor, nice of you to join us.”
I froze. Toby. And next to him, this kid I kind of recognized, who must’ve been Jason Xiang. He was wearing a tank top that read: Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver, and someone’s lipstick kiss mark was on his cheek. My arm was linked through Connor’s. I slowly disentangled myself, but Connor just moved in to give Toby a hug.
“Hey Jason,” Connor said. “Toby! Good shit downstairs. Really good.”
“Yeah?” said Toby. “I can tell you like it. We saw you doing some. You do know you owe me and Jason $50 for those lines you just did, right?”
There was an awkward pause, and then Toby started laughing and slapped him on the back. “I’m just playing, man! Good to see you. You and Jack have been pretty elusive these days.”
I tried to read Toby’s expression, but he was wearing a pair of dark sunglasses, the kind he loved to wear even indoors.
“Been keeping busy,” said Connor. He sniffled joyously, high as a kite, before turning to Max. “Your air-conditioning is on point, man. Really top-notch electrical work in here.”
“Thanks,” Jason said with a chuckle. “We need it, with the smoke-shows we got downstairs. Did you see those girls, Connor? Anything that interested you in particular?”
“I’m gonna take him home now,” I said.
Toby lifted his glasses just enough so I could see the bottom of his eyes. “You do that, Jack. You do that.” Then he smirked, and it made my skin crawl.
Just as I started leading Connor out the door, I heard Toby say my name once more and turned to look at him. He gave me a sarcastic thumbs-up.
“Nice piercing, brah!”
32.
That next morning was Dad’s fortieth birthday. I got up early to go the Mini Mart with Mom to buy streamers, paper
