In May, as things started deteriorating with Colonel Haas, I remember texting my dad and telling him that no matter what, I knew I was doing the right things, but that I never wanted to cause him any embarrassment. He always responded that I could never embarrass him and that he was proud of me for taking a stand. He and his girlfriend, Kathy, whom Joe and I love, were well aware of the struggles I had with Colonel Haas and my executive officer. My dad especially understood because he had experienced similar situations in the Army. But for as much comfort as he, Kathy, and Joe provided, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to not let people down, and that pressure made things even worse.
When I got home from work at night, the darkest thoughts would swirl around in my brain.
Maybe it would be better for everyone if I just killed myself.
But then, as I sat in my car, thinking these awful things, Mr. Fitz would appear at the window by the front door, meet my gaze, and meow.
He may have been just asking for his dinner, but I swear he is the most empathetic animal on the planet, and he provided me with so much comfort during those dark days. That long drive home to Maryland was no different. For eight hours, that cat sat curled up on my lap, while I alternated between crying and being angry. I kept thinking about the meeting with Brigadier General Williams that morning, and how he had started off by saying how much it hurt him “to do this because I am a big fan,” and then had proceeded to say that the equal-opportunity investigator had not substantiated my complaints regarding gender bias and a hostile work environment, and that the investigation into my leadership had revealed that I had been abusive to my Marines.
As I drove, I thought about the note I had sent to my company commanders:
Ladies,
I am so very sorry to have to burden you with this, but I wanted you to hear it from me first. The commanding general just relieved me for loss of trust and confidence in my ability to command. The results of my EO investigation did not substantiate gender bias on the depot or a toxic environment with the Recruit Training Regiment, but [the investigating officer's] investigation did substantiate that I had established a hostile work environment in my own battalion.
They have already identified a replacement for me, and the XO and Sergeant Major will ensure a sound transition. Please go to them for support until the new CO is on board. I would also ask that you treat her with the same professional courtesy and warmth you have shown me.
Many battalion members past and present will celebrate my departure. I ask, for the sake of the Marines, that you do your best to control the message. The last thing the battalion needs is more conflict, gossip, and rumors.
I so have appreciated the opportunity to work with you and see you grow, and wish you the very best of luck.
Please let me know if I can be of assistance to you in the future.
V/R,
LtCol Germano
And I thought about the response I received on my Blackberry about ten minutes later, from the new Papa Company commander:
Ma'am,
I am so very sorry to hear this news.
I want you to know that I truly appreciate everything that you have done for us, and for me personally. You are an amazing example of what strong leadership is supposed to be like, and I have learned more lessons from you than I probably realize now.
I hope that you are proud of what you have done for this battalion, even if some people don't understand. My brother-in-law once told me to never forget that I don't work for my superior officers, I work for my Marines.
You have done that for us, ma'am, and there are many of us in this battalion who see that.
You should leave here with your head held high, ma'am.
I will do my best to do as you have asked ma'am, but I will also continue to hold Marines accountable.
Thank you for your support and advice.
For eight hours, I distilled my thoughts into two problem areas: first, that Colonel Haas had succeeded in firing me because I hadn't fully appreciated his guidance from our initial meeting that he “prized harmony above all else.” I was foolish to have thought that he wasn't keeping a secret list of my transgressions.
Second, something didn't smell right about the equal-opportunity investigation results. After all, the legal definition of gender bias is the “unequal treatment in employment opportunity (such as promotion, pay, benefits and privileges), and expectations due to attitudes based on the sex of an employee or group of employees.”1 Decades of substandard performance results by the female recruits at Parris Island substantiated that there were clearly lowered expectations for their performance because they were women.
Worse, I didn't know exactly what was in the investigation into my leadership, and had no idea what the specific allegations had been about my leadership. I was sick about it, and by the time I got home to Joe, I was frazzled.
I would find out what was in the investigation in an unexpected and public way.
Normally, when a CO is relieved of command due to reasons not involving legal misconduct, the Marine Corps public affairs department sends out a generic statement to the press stating that the officer was relieved for “lack of trust and confidence” in their ability to lead.
In my case, the Marine Corps took an unprecedented approach. I learned from a reporter that she had a copy of the investigation within
