By this point, I was a mess mentally and physically. I didn't know whom I could trust, and I swung from feelings of abject terror at the potential for being fired, to an unrealistic and naive belief that surely someone, somewhere would see the big picture and recognize that I wasn't the problem after all.
Sergeant Major tried to reassure Joe that I was going to be okay, but she also sent him pictures she had taken of me and my new executive officer, who was a breath of fresh air and had arrived at the battalion a few weeks prior, in which I look defeated. I had lost about ten pounds in about three weeks, due to stress, and my face looks gaunt and bony in those images. It's hard for me to look at them now, and I found out later that Sergeant Major and Joe were texting nearly daily to communicate about my well-being and the general state of affairs.
Joe knew, based on what he was hearing at the Pentagon, that things were going to get worse.
About the third week in June, Colonel Haas decided not even to pretend to play anymore: He was done with integrated hikes, probably because he knew the ax was getting ready to fall on me.
He didn't tell me about his decision.
November Company's commander had worked directly with her male counterpart on setting up for an integrated five-mile hike, which was great. Colonel Haas had only integrated the Crucible hikes, so we had to rely on cooperation with our male counterparts to do co-ed training events otherwise. She had reached out to Second Battalion for a final coordination call for the hike the next day, Saturday. Then her peer called her to say that he had just gotten a call from regiment, saying they were not allowed to do the hike together.
In a normal chain of command, a battalion commander would have received a call from his or her commander if the senior commander had made a decision to cancel a training event. But Colonel Haas apparently had talked to my peer, the commanding officer of Second Battalion. Obviously, this was not a normal chain of command.
To find out what had happened, I sent an email to the commanding officer of Second Battalion. He wrote back that he wanted me to know it wasn't his decision, and that Second Battalion had wanted to do the integrated hike. However, he said he had received a call from Colonel Haas the night before, saying the integrated hike was canceled.
Colonel Haas had simply excluded me from the notification chain. At that point, I knew I was doomed.
It was about then that I realized I needed to make sure my Marines were taken care of, and that they had what they needed to continue the work we had begun. After the final blow was struck, I wanted to hand facts to Congress and the Inspector General of the Marine Corps. Surely, someone would listen.
I still wanted women to win.
I copied all of the documents on my computer. I gathered all of my documentation. I wrote a letter to my Marines and sent it to Joe and Sergeant Major: “Do me a favor. Look at this, and tell me if there's anything you think I should change.”
To the Marines of 4th Recruit Training Battalion,
I wanted to tell you it has been the greatest honor and privilege of my life to stand shoulder to shoulder with you over the past 12 months. I have always said that I am responsible for everything we do or fail to do, and my accountability begins and ends with my obligation to lead, mentor, and guide you. It is my responsibility, therefore, to inform you that I was relieved by BGen Williams as your commander due to his loss of trust and confidence in my ability to lead you effectively.
While this decision greatly saddens me, my sole concern at this point is for your health and welfare and that of the battalion. I have one final request for you, and that is that you pull together as a cohesive team and move forward as a battalion, for that is the true sign of resilience.
Despite considerable active and passive resistance throughout all echelons of the Recruit Depot and the Marine Corps, we each worked incredibly hard to improve the performance of our recruits to make them stronger, faster, smarter, and better shots—all to better the Institution. We achieved unprecedented and historic results in just a short period of time, and regardless of the controversy caused by our goal to improve the caliber of our graduates, I ask that you remain steadfast and committed to this objective.
Together, we redefined the perceived physical and mental limits of female recruits and Marines, which will have a lasting and positive impact on the Institution. Regardless of my departure, you must never, ever give up trying to change the status quo. You are so much better than the Marine Corps knows and it is the right thing to do for not only the Institution, but also our nation.
You deserve a seat at the table with your counterparts, but you must continue to earn it every day and never take it for granted.
Know that my year with you was precious to me, in spite of the personal and professional difficulties I encountered as your commander. I will forever value the funny and interesting conversations and laughs we shared, and I am immensely proud of each of you. I have full confidence that you and the recruits will continue to make history by improving the caliber of Marine we send to the operating forces, and I am extremely proud of all that we achieved.
You and the battalion will remain in my heart and thoughts. Thank you for giving me the best year any commander could ever have.
Sincerely,
LtCol Germano
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