My hand covered my mouth. I hadn’t been paranoid when I thought others were talking about me. “Do all the bishops in the county think I had a child out of wedlock?” I sounded like a squawking hen.
“Nee. Your aendi’s deacon in Ohio wrote us and explained the situation. We knew you were innocent of that.”
“You knew, but you never told anyone?” They should have defended me.
“Your sin has been avoiding joining the church because you were pining over Jake.” He turned in his seat to face me. “Let’s say Jake had married another woman, and you knew he was never coming back. Would you or would you not have joined the church?”
I felt as if I were on the witness stand under oath. “I’m not sure.”
Jake shot me a snarly look. “But I didn’t marry. Evie and I are both free and will join the church.”
“Not so fast. I want to hear from Eva’s lips that she will be obedient for life. When I’m satisfied with both of your commitments, we’ll speak again.”
I’d waited years and years for this opportunity, but did I really want it?
Harvey smoothed his beard. “Anything else you two wish to ask? If not, I’ll say farewell. My dochders are expecting me.” He got out of the car and positioned his hat atop his head as he waited for me to get in the front seat.
“Denki for taking me to see Amos,” he told Jake before shutting my door.
Jake sat gripping the steering wheel. “Why did you have to say you weren’t sure?” Jake’s voice reminded me of a serrated knife cutting into a block of ice.
“You mean, be honest? Are you being honest with me? Will you be content living on an Amish farm without electronic gizmos and a cell phone?”
“My cell phone summoned the fire department. That fire could have spread to the house.”
“Yah, I was there. But once you’re baptized, you’ll have to give it up, unless your parents’ deacon, ministers, and bishop suddenly turn ultraliberal.” I watched him work his lower lip. “Well, your bishop isn’t, is he? Not according to Harvey. To the best of my knowledge, your parents have a phone shanty like mine do.”
I stared into his eyes until he looked away and then piloted the car back onto the road.
“It all comes down to trust, doesn’t it?” I savored the heat blowing through the vent.
“Are you trying to say you don’t trust me?” He jammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a deer darting across the road. The seat belt restrained me from flying forward, praise the Lord. A car honked. Jake muttered to the driver behind us and moved us forward.
“Maybe Harvey’s right about us waiting,” I said.
“You mean forever?” He took a hard right without using his turn indicator. The car behind us belted out an extended honk but fortunately remained going straight.
“Please slow down. You’ll get a speeding ticket.”
“Driving instructions coming from a woman who backed into a police car? You’d never make it in the Englisch world.”
I realized I hadn’t thanked him for paying to have the squad car repaired, but I was too frazzled to do it now. If I opened my mouth, what might fly out? Something ugly, no doubt. Something final.
He crunched into the nursery’s parking lot and stopped in the middle. “Good night, then,” he said.
I let myself out and he sped away, his tires spitting up gravel.
My ears filled with white noise. I covered them. I stood frozen, my mind replaying the last half hour in fast-forward. I expected Jake to return to his senses—to hang a U-turn and come back to apologize. But he didn’t. Maybe I didn’t really know him. Bishop Harvey was right about my not rushing into marriage with Jake.
I lurched when a man cleared his throat. I turned to see Mark.
“You and lover boy having a quarrel?” Sarcasm snaked through his voice. Ach, he’d seen Jake drop me off like a sack of fertilizer.
“Hi, Mark. What are you doing here so late?” I pretended I hadn’t heard his cynical comment.
“With such a low staff and fewer workers expected tomorrow, I needed to make sure all the nursery cash registers had been rung up and emptied, among other things. Stephen asked me to be in charge. He took off an hour ago.”
“I’m sure you’re doing a fine job.” I felt like a bug under the magnified glass of his disapproving scrutiny.
“You could have had me, you know.” Mark’s hands ran up and down his suspenders.
“Mark, you’re a fine young man.” And arrogant, so it would seem. “But I didn’t wish to lead you on when I cared for another.”
“Don’t think I’m going to come groveling after you now. I saw what just happened.”
I felt mortified, but I decided I was done acting the guilty party. “I wouldn’t expect you to.” Or want it.
“What would Bishop Harvey say if he saw you alone in a car with Jake?” Behind his benevolent youthful facade, Mark was apparently also judgmental.
I stayed my voice, and forced my demeanor to act unscathed. I wanted to defend myself and rant about Jake’s uncouth behavior, but there was no need to gossip about myself and make matters worse.
How I longed to be alone and have a good cry. I turned away from him. “I’m headed to the café to make sure we’re ready to open in the morning. And that the doors are locked properly.”
“You haven’t done that yet?”
“Yah, I did, but I want to double-check.” I shivered. “I’ve got to go.” I hurried to the cabin to grab my warm coat as Mark walked away. As I reached my door, Beatrice opened hers.
“I’m going to check on the café,” I said before she could speak.
“Eva, would you do me a huge favor and take Heath with you? Not only should you be careful with Ralph on the loose,
