“So how long do you think it will be?” Mom asked.
I knew without clarification that she meant until we heard about Adam. “I hope soon,” I said. “The waiting is the worst part.”
She nodded. “You know all about that.”
The waiting when Carter died had nearly killed me. And I was never one of the lucky ones who knew. I never had remains or a DNA sample; I had no wallet, no shoes. Nothing. I never had any real closure. Of course, I had known the entire time that he was gone. But there’s always that voice in the back of your head that tells you to keep hoping, keep searching, keep believing.
Mom smiled at the waitress as she served us. “Thank you.”
I placed my green tea bag in the white porcelain pot. Mom selected Earl Grey, as usual. She was kind of a tea purist, except when it came to Kyle. If Kyle fixed her anything at all, she would bat her eyelashes at him and tell him it was divine.
She took a bite of brownie first. I laughed.
“What? At my age, I’m not taking any chances.”
I took a bite of mine too. Why not? The desserts at Verbena were decadent, rich, delicious, award winning. But I would rather have had a Hershey’s bar, if I’m honest about the whole thing.
My mother and I always had a deep bond, which is why it had shocked me that she wouldn’t let the girls and me come home when I discovered Carter had left me not penniless, but in a cataclysmic hole of debt. I had tried so hard to move past it, but I think this period in my life now only served to intensify the wound because I knew for certain I would never leave my girls out in the cold when they needed me most.
In the quiet, in the dark, in my most private thoughts, the ones I would never say out loud to anyone, I resented the fact that, though she hadn’t lifted a finger to help me when my life exploded, I would be the one taking my mother to doctors’ appointments, feeding her dinner, bathing her, taking care of her every need until the day she died. But, mostly, I felt lucky I could do it.
We’d never been best friends like some of my girlfriends had been with their mothers, and I was OK with that. I only hoped that, maybe, during this time in our lives, we could repair what was broken between us.
“Darling,” she said, taking a tiny sip of her tea, “I meant what I said the other day. Why do you push that divine man away? He’s totally in love with you. I’m totally in love with you, but even still, I recognize you are not perfect. He, on the other hand, does not.”
I laughed. Mom had always loved him. When I first started dating Carter, she kept asking what had ever happened to that darling Jack.
“Mom,” I said. “Carter was the one. If Jack had been the one, I would have married him. But he wasn’t.”
“I did love Carter. But you didn’t marry Jack because he didn’t want children. I assume you don’t want any more?” She raised her eyebrows.
We both laughed. I wiped my mouth and took a sip of cool water. “It’s not that simple, Mom. I loved him all those years ago, but we’re different people now.”
She looked at me like I was dense. “That’s why you give the man a chance. That’s why you try to get to know each other now.”
She made it sound so simple, but perhaps that’s because she didn’t understand the entire picture. When Jack came back to Peachtree Bluff, I was panicked that the girls would find out our secret, would find out that Jack was Caroline and Sloane’s father. Now I knew Jack would never let that happen. But, even still, how could I lie to my children like that? How could I be with Jack without telling them the truth? I wasn’t sure I could.
But that was all beside the point. Today, my mission was to get this woman to the doctor. I decided to level with her.
“Mom,” I said, taking a bite of egg salad for courage. “I’m taking you to the doctor today.”
She waved her hand. “Darling, my ankle is fine.”
“Not for your ankle,” I said. This was when it was going to get dicey. “For your brain.”
I expected her to freak out, but she barely reacted, still as a cat stalking its prey. That’s when I began to worry.
She took a sip of tea and cleared her throat. “There’s no need.”
I cut her off. “I know you’re going to say you’re fine, but you’re not fine, Mom. There’s something going on, and if we can catch it early, maybe get some treatment, it won’t progress.”
She took a deep breath and reached for my hand across the table.
I knew that she was going to argue with me, so I said, “Mom, you were out of your mind when Jack was there the other night. You didn’t recognize anything, didn’t know who he was . . .”
“Darling,” she said calmly. And that’s when I knew something was wrong. Something big. I knew that whatever she said next was going to change my life in ways I wasn’t ready for. “I don’t know how to tell you this, really,” she said. She paused and looked into my eyes as if she were memorizing them. “But, you’re right. I’m not fine.” She put her hands back in her lap, smoothing her napkin slowly. She took another sip of tea, cleared her throat, and looked up at me. “I have cancer, darling. I’ve
