I didn’t want it to, but my mouth opened and words flew out: “Try having your husband Missing in Action.”
Scott grimaced.
“Scott,” I said, “it was nice what you said earlier, but you aren’t really going to Iraq, are you?”
“Oh, I assure you I am,” he said, taking a seat and crossing one leg over the other. “I’ll book a flight as soon as . . .”
He trailed off, and I swallowed away the tears for what that “as soon as” meant.
“So what will you do when you get there?” Emerson asked, leaning toward him intently. I had a feeling she was picturing this all unfolding on the big screen and what her part would be. Probably me. Because the terrified wife in the Lifetime movie version would most certainly be a tall, blond, thin twenty-six-year-old.
“Civilians tend to know a lot,” Scott said. “And I have a lot of friends in Iraq now. I’ll do a little digging into where the boys were when they crashed, and I’ll do what I do best: ask questions.”
“Does that really work?” Caroline asked.
I sighed.
“Sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry. Of course it works.” She turned to Scott. “This sounds like a great idea, uncle of ours. I have the utmost faith in you.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“I think it’s the craziest damn idea I’ve ever heard,” I said, “and if you’re killed by a land mine or left to die in a prison somewhere, I will blame myself forever.”
He shook his head. “No, you won’t. I’m doing this for completely selfish reasons.”
“How is this possibly selfish?” Emerson asked.
“Because if I go over there, find them, and report on the whole thing, no doubt I’ll win a Pulitzer.”
He winked at me. “For real, though,” he said. “I’m going of my own accord for my own reasons. Do I want to save Adam and get my niece her family back? Absolutely. But if it all goes awry, that’s on me, not you. I know what it’s like.”
It was borderline stupid that knowing Scott was going made me feel better. I mean, my husband was God only knows where in that dusty desert land of caves and rock. It wasn’t like my uncle, who was trained in journalism, fly-fishing, and very little else, was going to track down my husband and bring him home safely to me if the world’s finest military hadn’t managed it yet. But, after months of sleepless nights, my teeth ground down, my eyes bagged, my shoulders slumped, the color drained from my face, I needed something, anything, to hold onto. Scott loved me and he loved Adam. And, sometimes, that’s as good a reason as any to believe everything is going to be OK.
Scott squeezed my knee and said, “OK, girls. Uncle Scott is going to bed.”
“Yes,” Caroline said firmly. “You’re going to need your strength.” She paused. “Grammy and Mom are on the front porch. Let’s go out there with them.”
Emerson nodded. “Perfect. My wineglass has been empty for like a half hour.”
Grammy was snuggled on the couch in a nest of pillows with blankets all around her. Mom was right beside her, as though if she got close enough, she could breathe for her, keep her here.
There were so many things I could say to Grammy in that moment, but I only squeezed her tightly and said, “I love you so much. I hope you had the best day.”
“I love you too, sweet girl,” she said. “This was the best day of my life.”
“Hey!” Mom exclaimed. “What about the day I was born?”
Grammy laughed. “The best normal day where no one was born or married.”
The door opened, and Emerson flopped dramatically on the couch, while Caroline spread out on Mom’s new outdoor chaise. It seemed fitting she would get the best seat. Queen Caroline, past, present, and future.
In that moment, with all the women I loved most in the world crowded around me, it didn’t feel like anything was out of the ordinary. It didn’t feel like anyone was dying. It didn’t feel like life was about to change in ways we couldn’t even imagine.
And so, when I look back on my life, that moment, just Grammy, Mom, my sisters, and me, sharing stories and laughing until we couldn’t breathe, is one I want to remember. When I think of Grammy now, when I imagine her in heaven, she is having a night just like that.
TWENTY-EIGHT
prodigal son
ansley
When the girls finally went to sleep that night, I knew Mom had to have been beyond exhausted. I tried to take her to bed, but she refused.
“Darling,” she asked, instead. “Could I trouble you for a cup of tea?”
“It’s no trouble at all, Mom,” I said, walking back into the house.
A few minutes later, I was about to open the door when I heard Jack’s voice on the porch. I stopped, my back pressed against the wall inside. I could just make out Jack saying, “I honestly don’t even know when I would ask her, if we will get to that place. But I can’t bear the thought of marrying Ansley without your blessing.”
Mom laughed. “Oh, darling, I can’t think of anything much finer than that.” I couldn’t see her, but I could imagine the way her eyebrow rose as she said, “It would be lovely to have your family back together again.”
I heard Jack choke. My heart was racing. Oh my Lord. She knew. My mother knew. “I’m not sure what you mean,” Jack recovered.
“Oh, Jack,” Mom said. “Anyone who has ever seen you and Caroline side by side would know you possess a shocking likeness.”
There was silence, and then I barely heard Jack say, “I thought that was only in my mind.”
I held Mom’s hot cup to my chest and gasped quietly. She knew, and he had corroborated. I was about to burst out the door to confront Jack.
But then he said, “You have to understand. Ansley
