Claire’s jaw dropped as the enormity of what Scotty was saying hit her. ‘You’re telling me this was some kind of green-card wedding?’ she said.
He didn’t reply, but his shame was obvious.
‘And I suppose a whirlwind engagement culminating in a romantic Christmas Eve ceremony was supposed to make it seem more realistic? Even though you can’t be legally married for another two weeks.’
Scotty stared at her, stunned. ‘That’s right,’ Claire said. ‘I’m not as dense as you seem to think I am. I can google.’ Well, Jackie could.
‘I don’t think you’re —’ he started, only to stop abruptly. ‘We’d joked around early on that I should marry Nina and make her a partner in the clinic. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense.’
Claire couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘For Nina, maybe. But you don’t love each other, Scotty. Nina just said as much in front of the whole town. What on earth could be in it for you?’ And what does any of it have to do with me – with us?
His gaze dropped to his feet. ‘I’m not in love with Nina, but I thought maybe, in time . . .’ He shook his head, as if realising for the first time how ridiculous the whole thing was. ‘What’s in it for me, aside from gaining a brilliant vet for the clinic, is just helping a friend. And . . . and also . . .’
‘What?’ Claire pleaded. ‘Just tell me.’
‘When we went out in Sydney that night, I knew you still had feelings for me. I could feel it in my bones. But you were so determined to make it clear that you only expected friendship,’ he said. ‘It was like there was a battle going on in your head between what you wanted and what you thought you deserved.’
Claire felt a painful lump form in her throat. If only Scotty knew how right he was. That was exactly how she’d felt that night – it was how she’d felt every moment since.
‘I knew I could never love Nina, not really. Not the way I love you. So I made a decision. A stupid, rash, selfish decision,’ he went on. The regret in his voice was palpable. ‘I decided I had to try to make you go after what you want. You needed a reason to act. I knew that you’d never see what I see without a little bit of encouragement.’
‘And what’s that, Scotty?’ Claire said. ‘What do you see?’
He traced her cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. ‘That we belong together,’ he said huskily. ‘We always have.’
Claire took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. ‘That,’ she said, ‘is the most unbelievably arrogant thing I’ve heard in my entire life. You don’t get to tell me what I want, what I need.’ She didn’t even feel angry. She was just so, so disappointed. The man she believed knew her better than anybody, who always had her best interests at heart, simply had no idea.
‘I know,’ he replied in a threadbare voice.
‘You thought inventing a marriage would bring us back together?’ she railed, taken aback by the fire in her tone. Maybe she did feel ever so slightly angry after all. ‘How did you imagine that was possibly going to work? How were we going to be together if you were married to Nina? If everyone in Bindallarah thought your marriage was for real, you having a girlfriend might seem a little strange.’
‘I wasn’t thinking! I was just feeling! I was so scared of losing you again, Claire, and I had so few cards to play.’
‘Cards to . . .? Listen to yourself, Scotty. This isn’t a game. This is your life. And Nina’s. And mine,’ she said.
‘I know that. I just . . .’ He trailed off.
‘But hey, if we’re going with the cards analogy, then guess what? You had an ace up your sleeve all along. There was one card you could have played and won the whole . . . hand?’ Cards were not her forte and the whole thing was absurd.
‘What?’
‘The truth. All you had to do was just tell me how you felt two weeks ago.’ Claire shook her head sadly. ‘Or, you know, at any point in the past six months.’ Could he really not see that?
Scotty scoffed. ‘You would have run a mile. You weren’t ready.’
‘You don’t know that! You don’t get to decide how I feel, Scotty,’ she exploded. ‘You say you learned the hard way not to try to make my decisions for me, but you haven’t learned a damn thing. Not really.’
‘I didn’t want to make your decisions. I wanted you to make a decision,’ he countered.
‘But only if I decided on you, right? You wanted me to choose as long as I chose you.’
He hung his head. ‘Yes,’ he whispered. ‘That’s all I’ve ever wanted.’
Her tears flowed freely now. ‘Well, then you should go and get married, Scotty,’ she wept. ‘Because I’ve made my decision. I choose me.’
She saw Scotty’s shoulders begin to heave as she turned away from him. She broke into a run once more.
She didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t care, just as long as it was far, far away from Scotty Shannon.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
‘Merry Christmas, sweetheart.’
Claire forced her eyelids open as Vanessa’s voice came to her as though in a dream. The gloom of her bedroom was suddenly swallowed by bright sunlight as her aunt threw open the curtains. Claire sat up in bed, feeling unsteady and disorientated.
‘Is it morning already?’ she whispered.
‘It’s lunchtime,’ Vanessa said gently. ‘It seems you walked most of the way home last night, so I thought I’d let you sleep. You must be exhausted.’
Claire nodded. She felt like
