There was no reply. CJ looked over the screen at her patient and saw tears running down the woman’s cheeks.
‘Blood pressure has stabilised,’ Charlie reported, and CJ nodded.
‘Colour is mildly improving,’ Ethan called. ‘Still clinical evidence of neurological dysfunction.’
‘What does that mean?’ Doug asked, looking worried.
‘His reflexes aren’t responding well,’ CJ interpreted as he sutured Margaret’s wound closed. Everyone was waiting.
‘Five minutes,’ Bonnie said.
‘Apgar score is four,’ CJ reported.
‘What is this Ap thing?’ Doug asked frantically.
‘It’s a score we use to assess the state of well-being in newborn babies.’ CJ said.
‘What’s it out of?’
‘Ten.’
‘So...so four isn’t good?’
‘No.’ Now was not the time to lie to them, to tell them everything would be all right—because it probably wouldn’t. CJ’s heart turned over with sympathy and pain for the new parents and she couldn’t help her eyes misting with tears. She blinked them away and concentrated on her work.
‘Arrange transfer for both Margaret and Joshua to Royal Sydney Children’s Hospital,’ Ethan said. He continued to monitor the baby and Margaret continued not to say anything. CJ could almost feel the guilt radiating from her patient and wished there was something she could do to help.
When it was time to transfer them, Ethan insisted on going with them.
‘I can call in favours, get them the best care,’ he told her.
CJ nodded. ‘Keep me informed,’ she said, watching him climb into the Royal Flying Doctor Service plane.
‘I will,’ he said, then disappeared from her view. She had no idea when he’d be able to return to Pridham, or even if he would. Once he was back in Sydney, perhaps he’d stay for a while. She didn’t know. They hadn’t had time to talk, to discuss things because she’d been busy trying to be independent and solve all her problems by herself.
If she’d just talked to him, been open and honest as she’d always prided herself on being, then perhaps she wouldn’t be faced with so many questions. She headed home to Elizabeth, the house uncommonly quiet once Molly had left. CJ sat in the chair as she nursed her child, tears falling silently down her cheeks as she finally admitted the truth of the situation to herself.
She was in love with Ethan. Hopelessly, one hundred percent in love with him. And now he was gone.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THAT EVENING, by the time he’d handed over Margaret and baby Joshua’s care to his colleagues, some of whom having been there during his own darkest hours, Ethan decided it was better for him to stay the night in Sydney. He took a taxi to St Aloysius Hospital and called CJ to give her an update. She must have been on another call as he ended up getting her voicemail.
‘It’s late, so I’ll stay the night at my apartment in Sydney and will give you an update on the patients in the morning. I’ve asked the hospital to call me should there be any complications tonight, but when I left, things were stable. Joshua still isn’t doing too well but at least they’ve managed to stabilise him, giving Margaret and Doug a bit more time with him. Er...yeah. So that’s about it.’
Once he’d made that call, the next one he made was to Melody. She answered on the third ring.
‘Dr Janeway.’
‘Hello, Dr Janeway, this is the other Dr Janeway.’
‘Ethan. How are things?’
‘A bit crazy.’ He raised his hand and knocked on an office door.
‘Why? Oh, hang on a second,’ Melody said. ‘There’s someone at my door.’ She opened it and nearly screamed with delight when she saw him standing there. He disconnected the call and put his phone back in his pocket as his sister threw her arms around him. ‘What are you doing here?’
Ethan quickly explained the situation and also that he needed the spare set of keys she had to his apartment. Melody instantly took them off her key-ring and handed them to him.
‘How do you feel?’
‘About?’
‘About seeing another baby with FAS. Did it bring back memories of Ellie?’
‘Everything brings back memories of Ellie. Every baby I see, every morning when I get up and feel that something is missing from my life.’ He thought about the past few weeks, when he’d been able to wake in the mornings and hold Elizabeth in his arms. The sense of completion, of healing he’d had from having that little baby close to him had been a therapy he’d never anticipated.
‘What are you thinking about now?’
‘Elizabeth.’ His smile was natural as he spoke the baby’s name.
‘CJ’s daughter?’
‘Yes.’
‘You don’t talk much about CJ,’ Melody pointed out. ‘I have a theory about that.’
He raised an eyebrow in her direction. ‘Really? I can’t wait to hear this one.’
‘I think you’re secretly infatuated with CJ because she’s been able to help you get closure on your past.’
‘Uh-huh. Anything else, Dr Freud?’
‘Yes. I think Elizabeth has filled a void in your life and that’s as clear as anything when you speak of her. Your face lights up and your entire demeanour changes. Your muscles relax and your eyes twinkle and you’re...happy. I haven’t seen you happy in so long, big brother, and the thing that scares me is what will happen when you leave Pridham and return to Sydney at the end of your contract. What happens when you’ve spent the past five and a half months becoming attached to a gorgeous little girl who doesn’t belong to you?’
She wasn’t saying anything he hadn’t already asked himself, but at the moment he didn’t have any answers.
‘That little baby tonight—Joshua is his name—did bring back memories of Ellie, but this time, when I thought of her, I imagined her differently. I imagined her smiling at me and giggling and—’ Ethan shook his head and tried again. ‘It was as though I was imagining what she would have been like if she’d been born healthy.’
‘Like Elizabeth?’
‘Yes.’
‘And Abigail? Have you been able to let go of your guilt?’
He nodded slowly. ‘I think I’m getting there.’ Ethan reached over and took his
