In contrast, taking care of only herself had seemed simple. And in truth, she had resented Riley at first, resented the idea that she would have to take care of another person again. But taking care of a baby was different. He wasn’t a victim of his own bad choices. No, he was a victim of circumstances. He hadn’t had a chance to make a single choice for himself yet.
To Danielle, Riley was the child she’d once been.
Except she hadn’t had anyone to step in and take care of her when her mother failed. But Riley did. That realization had filled Danielle with passion. Drive.
And along with that dedication came a fierce, unexpected love like she had never felt before toward another human being. She would do anything for him. Give anything for him.
“And you’ve been alone with him all this time?”
She didn’t know why she was so reluctant to let Joshua know that Riley wasn’t her son. She supposed it was partly because, for all intents and purposes, he was her son. She intended to adopt him officially as soon as she had the means to do so. As soon as everything in her life was in order enough that Child Services would respond to her favorably.
The other part was that as long as people thought Riley was hers, they would be less likely to suggest she make a different decision about his welfare. Joshua Grayson had a coldness to him. He seemed to have a family who loved and supported him, but instead of finding it endearing, he got angry about it. He was using her to get back at his dad for doing something that, in her opinion, seemed mostly innocuous. And yes, she was benefiting from his pettiness, so she couldn’t exactly judge.
Still, she had a feeling that if he knew Riley wasn’t her son, he would suggest she do the “responsible” thing and allow him to be raised by a two-parent family, or whatever. She just didn’t even want to have that discussion with him. Or with anybody. She had too many things against her already.
She didn’t want to fight about this too.
“Mostly,” she said carefully, treading the line between the truth and a lie. “Since he was about three weeks old. And I thought... I thought I could do it. I’d been self-sufficient for a long time. But then I realized there are a lot of logistical problems when you can’t just leave your apartment whenever you want. It’s harder to get to work. And I couldn’t afford childcare. There wasn’t any space at the places that had subsidized rates. So I was trading childcare with a neighbor, but sometimes our schedules conflicted. Anyway, it was just difficult. You can imagine why responding to your ad seemed like the best possible solution.”
“I already told you, I’m not judging you for taking me up on an offer I made.”
“I guess I’m just explaining that under other circumstances I probably wouldn’t have sought you out. But things have been hard. I lost my job because I wasn’t flexible enough and I had missed too many shifts because babysitting for Riley fell through.”
“Well,” he said, a strange expression crossing his face, “your problems should be minimized soon. You should be independently wealthy enough to at least afford childcare.”
Not only that, she would actually be able to make decisions about her life. About what she wanted. When Joshua had asked her earlier today about whether or not she would go back to Portland, it had been the first time she had truly realized she could make decisions about where she wanted to live, rather than just parking herself somewhere because she happened to be there already.
It would be the first time in her life she could make proactive decisions rather than just reacting to her situation.
“Right. So I guess we should talk about your family,” she said, determined to move the conversation back in the right direction. She didn’t need to talk about herself. They didn’t need to get to know each other. She just needed to do this thing, to trick his family, lie...whatever he needed her to do. So she and Riley could start their new life.
“I already told you my younger sister is an architectural genius. My older brother Isaiah is the financial brain. And I do the public relations and marketing. We have another brother named Devlin, and he runs a small ranching operation in town. He’s married, no kids. Then there are my parents.”
“The reason we find ourselves in this situation,” she said, folding her hands and leaning forward. Then she cast a glance at the pot of risotto and decided to grab the spoon and serve herself another helping while they were talking.
“Yes. Well, not my mother so much. Sure, she wrings her hands and looks at me sadly and says she wishes I would get married. My father is the one who...actively meddles.”
“That surprises me. I mean, given what I know about fathers. Which is entirely based on TV. I don’t have one.”
He lifted a brow.
“Well,” she continued, “sure, I guess I do. But I never met him. I mean, I don’t even know his name.”
She realized that her history was shockingly close to the story she had given about Riley. Which was a true one. It just wasn’t about Danielle. It was about her mother. And the fact that her mother repeated the same cycle over and over again. The fact that she never seemed to change. And never would.
“That must’ve been hard,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I bet he was an ass. I mean, circumstances would lead you to believe that he must be,
